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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26944033">Asking for Trouble</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/fancywaffles/pseuds/fancywaffles'>fancywaffles</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Modern Fódlan Setting (Fire Emblem), Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angry Sex, Bad Decisions, Communication Failure, Established Relationship, Fighting, Hair Pulling, Hard Won Happy Ending, M/M, Makeup Sex, Minor Annette Fantine Dominic/Flayn (Fire Emblem), Minor Caspar von Bergliez/Ashe Duran | Ashe Ubert, Minor Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd/My Unit | Byleth, Minor Glenn Fraldarius/Holst Goneril, Porn With Plot, Rough Sex, Sylvain Jose Gautier Being An Idiot, Sylvain Jose Gautier Does Not Know When to Stop, Under-negotiated Kink</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 17:26:26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>48,872</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26944033</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/fancywaffles/pseuds/fancywaffles</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Sylvain realizes that angry sex is <i>amazing</i> and so he starts instigating fights to make it happen. </p><p>(or, self-destructive relationship choices based on mind-blowing sex)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Felix Hugo Fraldarius/Sylvain Jose Gautier</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>203</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>326</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Cabinets</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is, yet again, Mego's fault. Also partially my own. </p><p>Anyway! This will be updated... sporadically probably, it's not on a schedule like some of my other stuff. I will add tags &amp; warnings as I go, but since the entire plot of this is angry sex, there's probably going to be rough stuff (emotionally &amp; physically). I don't think it'll read dub-con, but throwing that out there, since these are poor choices being made for sexy reasons. Please pay attention to the tags and skip this one if you think it will be upsetting.</p>
    </blockquote><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Sylvain discovers the wonders of angry sex.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When he and Felix moved in together, Sylvain discovered the magic of angry sex (and the subsequent makeup sex). Sylvain had knocked his elbow into yet another cabinet door Felix left open and he’d lost it. Instead of apologizing, Felix argued with him about his uptight habits and then the arguing escalated into yelling.</p><p>Sylvain didn’t enjoy the yelling part of it, but somewhere between the snarled flare of Felix’s nostrils and the close proximity, the yelling shifted to fucking. It wasn’t like they hadn’t done the too horny to make to the bed sex thing, but Felix never ripped Sylvain’s shirt. It was like the verbal fight had turned physical and <em>physical</em>.</p><p>Felix was scratching, tugging, and finally biting so hard on Sylvain’s lower lip that Sylvain grabbed the high ponytail he’d worn to the gym and yanked his head back. Felix looked incensed at that, and also retaliated by pinching and twisting Sylvain’s nipples through the rip he’d made in his shirt.</p><p>“Everything is always a fucking challenge to you,” Sylvain growled, using the hair in his hands to drag Felix backwards and then turned him around, shoving him towards the back of the couch. Felix elbowed back and hit him in the ribs, but also bent in a phenomenal arch so that his ass was pressing back into the bulge in Sylvain’s jeans.</p><p>“Challenge is better than a joke,” Felix growled back. The next noise he made when Sylvain yanked his hair back and ground his hips forward was less of a growl and more a wanton moan.</p><p>“Call <em>me</em> insatiable,” Sylvain muttered, while loosing his grip only long enough to grab roughly at Felix’s hips and yank his stupid athleisure pants down to his knees. Felix managed without looking and a lot of painful tugging, to get Sylvain’s fly open and his hand around his cock.</p><p>“Fucking uptight fool,” Felix grunted.</p><p>He squeezed a lot harder than he needed to and Sylvain in retaliation pressed his fingers into Felix’s hip bones while shoving him over the couch. He felt the tips of Felix’s fingernails fly over very sensitive skin and hissed.</p><p>Felix was working up to another articulate, “Fuck you,” but it was interrupted when Sylvain grabbed his ponytail again and pulled until his back made that perfect indecent curve—instead Felix cried out an incoherent, “Fuc—ahhhhh!”</p><p>Sylvain slapped Felix’s hand away from his cock and kept pulling with his other hand, until Felix was whimpering and digging his fingers onto to the top of the couch cushions. Felix was practically tipping his toes to get a perfect position for Sylvain’s dick to slide into the cleft of his ass. The feel of Felix fighting and yielding at the same time was making Sylvain’s head spin.</p><p>He forgot he was even angry, leaking out of the tip and sliding between Felix’s well-toned asscheeks. Then Felix reminded him they were in a fight and charmingly snapped, “If you’re going to do something <em>do it.</em>”</p><p>Sylvain spit in his free hand and then slapped the insides of Felix’s thighs to spread them. He pushed in between, his cock grinding against Felix’s sack, causing a stuttered groan and Felix’s foot flying backwards into his shin.</p><p>“Fuck,” Sylvain said and thrust without giving a shit if he wasn’t hitting the right angle. It didn’t seem to matter. Felix aggressively matched him, shoving back against him—even going so far as to reach back around and dig his fingers into Sylvain’s ass to try and take control of the pace.</p><p>Always a fucking challenge. Sylvain might have said that if he wasn’t frantically meeting it, chasing one of the best orgasms in his life.</p><p>Coming down from that was… something else. They were both breathing hard, a little bruised, definitely scratched up and Sylvain for the life of him couldn’t even remember what they were arguing about.</p><p>Felix did. He stood up, unceremoniously dragging his sports leggings up his come covered thighs and stomped into the kitchen. He slammed the cabinet doors shut and then walked in the direction of their bedroom.</p><p>“Thanks, honey!” Sylvain called out sarcastically from his place sitting ass naked behind the couch. That felt like he won that argument.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>When Sylvain crawled into bed that night, Felix turned away from him and not in an inviting way. “You know there’s that expression about not going to bed angry,” Sylvain said.</p><p>“And that expression has no fucking follow-up as to why you shouldn’t,” Felix said, words sharp and irritated.</p><p>“I’ll apologize that I yelled if you promise to start leaving the goddess-damned cabinet doors shut.”</p><p>“Fuck you,” Felix said.</p><p>Sylvain sighed and got out of bed. Felix didn’t even flinch as Sylvain grabbed his pillow and went to go pass out on the couch they’d fucked on a few hours ago.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Sylvain woke up to the smell of coffee percolating. Felix was in the kitchen making himself the disgusting mix of protein powder and what Sylvain was sure was chalk he had in the morning before a run. It must’ve been early. He squinted, trying to see Felix better without his contacts, and watch him unnoticed.</p><p>Felix did his usual puttering around the kitchen, although he stopped this time at the open cabinet door where he kept his protein powder and then closed it.</p><p>“Hey,” Sylvain said, clearing the sleep out of his voice. “You make enough coffee for two or is that only your post-run stuff.”</p><p>“I made enough,” Felix said, frowning down at the shaker bottle. “You didn’t have to sleep on the couch.”</p><p>“Eh, I like being a cliche,” Sylvain said. He pulled himself up to sitting and stretched his arms out. “I can make you breakfast after your run if you want.”</p><p>“I’m going to the gym and then straight to work,” Felix said. He still wasn’t looking at him. It wasn’t like eye contact with Felix was constant (although fuck if it wasn’t during whatever had happened the night before), but still.</p><p>Sylvain dragged himself off the couch and walked towards the kitchen. He leaned against the small peninsula bar and said, “I’m sorry I yelled.”</p><p>Felix shrugged. “Whatever. It’s fine. It’s just… a fight.”</p><p>“Ditch work,” Sylvain said, impulsively. He didn’t regret it, because Felix looked up at him with the same annoyed skeptical face he would have on a good day. “I’ll make you an artery clogging breakfast.”</p><p>“I can’t skip work,” Felix said. “Neither can you.”</p><p>“That’s debatable,” Sylvain said. He hadn’t brought his laptop home so it wasn’t like he could get any work done from the apartment, which was half the appeal of ditching.</p><p>Felix rolled his eyes and made sure his disgusting shake-bottle was closed before putting it in his gym bag. He probably would’ve been gone before Sylvain woke up if he’d been in bed last night.</p><p>“Let me drive you to work—or the gym at least.”</p><p>“It’s fine,” Felix said, throwing his bag over his shoulder. He sighed again and said, “You can pick me up if you want. My shift is over at four.”</p><p>Sylvain needed to get into the office by 7:30 if he wanted to actually make that pickup. He resisted the urge to groan. “I want.” He stood up straight and gave Felix a hug before he left. Slightly awkward, smelled amazing, so at least that was mostly normal.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Felix was in scrubs on the car ride home, which Sylvain thought was unfair, considering he was stuck in a stupid suit. Not to mention he looked good in scrubs. They talked about work and what to do for dinner on the ride back. Sylvain even asked a few incredibly incorrect gym questions about his workout and got a dry snort in response. Felix wasn’t being distant, but Sylvain still felt like something was off.</p><p>It wasn’t until Sylvain was getting ready for bed that Felix stopped him, halfway to putting a loose shirt on. The urge to say something stupid was overwhelming, but Sylvain resisted and threw the shirt aside, as Felix pulled him down into a kiss.</p><p>He’d never describe Felix as a ‘gentle’ kisser, but there was certainly a lot less teeth tonight than there had been yesterday. Felix placed his palm on Sylvain’s stomach, impelling him forward until the back of his knees hit the bed. Sylvain sat on the edge of the bed, watching as Felix tossed his own clothes aside and made his way for the bedside table.</p><p>Sylvain slipped his boxers off, already half-hard from watching Felix pick up the lube. He really wanted to say something stupid, but then Felix was straddling him, thighs firmly pressed to each side of his lap. Felix’s hair was up in the knotted bun he wore when he really didn’t give a shit and Sylvain reached up to let it loose, watching as the dark navy strands cascaded around his shoulders. There was practically a curtain of hair framing Felix’s face as he leaned in, touching his forehead to Sylvain’s. Sylvain let his fingers run through it, before letting it fall again and repeating, as he tipped his lips to kiss him.</p><p>It wasn’t until Felix’s breath started to hike that Sylvain realized he was already reaching behind, rocking backwards onto his own fingers. Sylvain moved his hands from where they were still carding through Felix’s hair and slicked up his own fingers. He had better reach—especially when he drew Felix closer, feeling even more skin—so it was easy enough to thumb around the puckered skin.</p><p>Felix inhaled sharply as Sylvain’s thumb slid in next to his fingers. The tight walls clenched down and Sylvain muffled a groan into Felix’s neck in response. Sylvain’s freehand rested on that perfect curve of Felix’s back, feeling as it flexed with each backward roll of his hips.</p><p>Sylvain could’ve spent hours like that, feeling the heat of Felix’s skin as he worked himself up, but Felix pulled at his wrist until it was out and resting by its pair on the small of Felix’s back. Sylvain’s palms naturally slid to Felix’s hips as he rose up. His amber eyes looked sharp and focused in a way that made Sylvain’s dick twitch. Then he sank down onto it and Sylvain liked that clench and that heat even more.</p><p>“I love you,” Sylvain breathed as Felix put his hands on Sylvain’s shoulders using them for leverage, while he rode his cock.</p><p>“Prove it,” Felix teased, smirking.</p><p>Sylvain happily rose to the challenge and thrust up, meeting Felix halfway and drawing out a salacious groan. Sylvain tasted Felix’s neck, the skin always had a pinch of salt to it, like he had only just stopped running a marathon or fencing practice. </p><p>The pace was unhurried and easy. It was difficult to do anything else from this position, but it also had the added benefit of letting Sylvain hear every incomparable moaning gasp right next to his ear. Sylvain got his tongue and lips at whatever skin on Felix he could reach, while Felix hooked one of his ankles into Sylvain’s back and wrapped his arms tightly around his shoulders.</p><p>It made it even easier to hear Felix’s stuttered swearing mixed with Sylvain’s own loud moans. Felix’s cock rutted against Sylvain’s stomach with each cresting grind of their hips, until finally Felix cried out loudly, coming all over Sylvain’s chest. Which was something he would’ve maybe have cared about if Felix hadn’t also clenched his walls so tightly around Sylvain’s dick that he saw stars.</p><p>Later in bed, Sylvain wrapped his arms around Felix and nuzzled into his hair, breathing him in. His mind always ran through a million things before he could finally sleep at night, even when tried focusing on the smooth in and out of Felix’s breathing.</p><p>The last thought Sylvain had before he finally drifted off was wondering if the makeup sex could only happen if there was a fight.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Kudos &amp; Comments always more than appreciated!  I am @waffle_fancy on twitter.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Volume</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>A short dry spell leaves Sylvain annoyed, which in turn leads to another fight--which leads to more angry sex.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>See endnotes for specific content warnings in this chapter.</p><p>@waffle_fancy on twitter</p><p>Also I forgot to mention last chapter (and this chapter), that Felix is a physical therapist. He works at the same hospital where Annette is a researcher.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Felix made needy little moans up against Sylvain’s neck as he rutted against him. The sun was starting to stream through the windows and Sylvain was amazed he’d talked Felix out of his morning run for funner exercise. Of course it had helped that Sylvain hadn’t talked, really. He’d woken up wrapped around Felix and started kissing and rubbing him off until Felix stopped trying to get out of bed.</p><p>It was the most they’d done in over a week and it made every friction of the slide of Felix’s dick against Sylvain’s hip vibrate against his nerves. He wasn’t awake enough to properly get the more that he wanted, but Sylvain still wanted it. His hands gripped Felix’s thighs, so he could get even closer, the drag of his cock against Felix burning a trail of heat blazing through his center.</p><p>The sun was fully risen by the time they finished. Sylvain didn’t notice for a moment, because the brightness in the room seemed second to the best wakeup routine ever invented.</p><p>“‘fta shower,” Felix muttered, mumbled into the crook of Sylvain’s neck. Sylvain wasn’t sure why he was informing him of this, until he started squirming to move and Sylvain realized his hands were still tightly clamped on Felix’s thighs.</p><p>Letting go felt wrong. “Five more minutes.”</p><p>“I already gave you twenty,” Felix said, a little clearer, grasping at one of Sylvain’s wrists to drag his hand off. He made a perfect little surprised huff that he’d never admit was a gasp when Sylvain dug his fingers in even harder. “Fuck—” Felix groaned and then sadly seemed to recover himself. “I have shit to do,” he said, digging his elbow into Sylvain’s ribs in a rather mean fashion that Sylvain kinda liked.</p><p>“It’s the weekend,” Sylvain protested. Even though technically that didn’t mean much since Felix’s schedule was all over the place. “I missed you.”</p><p>“You see me literally every day,” Felix said, dry and unfair.</p><p>It wasn’t the same. “Five more minutes,” Sylvain said again.</p><p>Felix let out an incredibly overwrought sigh and flopped himself on top of Sylvain again. “Three minutes and I’m counting.”</p><p>The victory was short lived, because even with Sylvain scattering affectionate kisses and stroking through Felix’s hair, the asshole <em>did</em> count and threatened to punch him in the dick if he didn’t let go—Sylvain didn’t think he’d enjoy that one.</p><p>Sylvain waited until he heard the shower turn on before jumping out of bed. He opened the door and squeezed in next to Felix.</p><p>“No,” Felix said, but he was fighting a laugh as he swatted Sylvain away from pretending to reach for the soap. “I have shit to do.”</p><p>“I don’t know what you’re talking about, I am here to be efficient. Galatea is in a drought you know,” Sylvain said. He moved in closer, since the shower really wasn’t big enough for this and tried not to show how much he enjoyed Felix’s glare as he blocked most of the water flow.</p><p>“I’m meeting Annette in an hour,” Felix said.</p><p>“We could do a lot in an hour,” Sylvain pointed out. Felix shoved him forward out of the water spray and went back to washing himself like Sylvain wasn’t even there. There were two solid options in front of Sylvain watching the water sluicing down the taut line of muscle that was Felix… he could wash his hair and be a tender supportive boyfriend, or—</p><p>There were still fingerprint sized marks where Sylvain had grabbed Felix earlier. He couldn’t exactly line them up from this side, but he did his best and Felix swore at him. He squeezed the tight muscular thighs, flexed now in Felix’s frustrated arousal and moved his way upwards. “Sylvain, I’m fucking seri—<em>fuck</em>—goddess fucking dammit, you are—fuck—”</p><p>The more that Sylvain wanted earlier was in front of him, in the way Felix leaned back into his grip, turning his head enough to give Sylvain a ruthless and biting kiss—and the way he arched back against Sylvain’s exploring fingers—even more so when Sylvain buried himself in the tight heat that only grew tighter as Felix bent forward.</p><p>They had invested (wisely) in a slip proof mat, but Sylvain was going to fall anyway just from watching Felix move his upper half towards the bottom of the shower while his legs rose up and hooked around Sylvain’s waist.</p><p>“You’re gonna kill me,” Sylvain said, groaning from the angle and the way Felix was somehow bending forward that far, keeping himself up with his arms, and digging his heels impatiently into the small of Sylvain’s back all at the same time.</p><p>“Good,” Felix grunted, biting down on another fitful swear as Sylvain snapped his hips forward.</p><p>The water was running off Felix’s back in the opposite direction now. The view somehow the same and completely different causing a pained groan to claw its way out of Sylvain’s throat. “How are you so fucking hot?”</p><p>“How are—nngh—you so fucking horny?” Felix retorted.</p><p>“<em>Look </em>at you,” Sylvain said. It was completely impossible to actually do so considering their position, but Felix banged his heel into Sylvain’s spine, which was probably agreement on his level of hotness. Whatever it was, it sent a numb flush of sensation up Sylvain’s spine and he kind of wanted Felix to kick him harder. </p><p>Instead, Sylvain considered the fact that he needed to workout more as he leaned most of his weight back on his thighs, while he hitched Felix up by one hip. Felix’s sharp gasp and the way his legs locked around Sylvain in a death grip, gave Sylvain the motivation to ignore the burn in his quads and do it again. And again. And again until Felix started to lose focus on pushing himself upright and was very close to simply hanging down off Sylvain’s dick—which was—<em>fuck</em>.</p><p>The span of Felix’s back, completely pristine from the water running down it, was making Sylvain drunk. How the hell did he look this good? The curve in his back undulated with every shift, giving Sylvain the feeling he was fucking a snake. An incredibly attractive snake that he’d let swallow him whole if he wanted to.</p><p>Their water bill was going to be atrocious this month.</p><p>After, Sylvain felt like he’d been run over by a really sexy train as he sank further into the collapsed position he’d succumbed to in the bathtub. Felix had his legs slung over Sylvain’s and was pretzeled in a shape that should not have looked so good, but Sylvain’s dick painfully twitched looking at it.</p><p>He was also face first in the water. “Don’t drown, Fe—I love you.”</p><p>Felix lifted one hand up to flip him off and then flopped it back down into the water, which probably meant he could breathe fine.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Felix was upset, which Sylvain didn’t understand, considering Annette would forgive all ills. Besides Sylvain had offered to treat them both to dinner to make up for it.</p><p>“Text her some emojis, she’ll eat that up,” Sylvain suggested.</p><p>Felix’s glower chilled his bowels. “It isn’t only that. I missed the seminar.”</p><p>“You were going to a seminar?” Sylvain didn’t remember that coming up on the day’s schedule, but he’d fucked his brain out of his head this morning so it was possible it slipped out. “For what?”</p><p>“Cold therapy,” Felix said. His frown was beginning to verge on pissed off and not default annoyed. “I told you, I’m trying to get that fellowship Dr. Casagranda is running.”</p><p>“The… experimental treatment one?” Sylvain asked, trying to stretch his brain to remember details in a conversation and not the way Felix’s lips looked when they moved.</p><p>He grunted, which meant Sylvain guessed correctly.</p><p>Felix’s hair was still down from the actual shower and he twisted it up, angrily. “It’s a really fucking competitive program, Sylvain.”</p><p>Well <em>competitive</em> explained it. “Sorry,” Sylvain said. “I honestly didn’t mean to make you miss it… it had just been a while.”</p><p>“You’re insatiable,” Felix muttered. He sighed and looked down at his phone, the screen was flashing but Sylvain couldn’t make out whatever the texts were. “She says two dinners,” he said.</p><p>“Deal.” Sylvain grinned and reached out to drag Felix into a hug, but he had already turned and was grabbing his tablet from the couch. Sylvain watched as he slunk down and opened up something very medicine-y to study. Sylvain was getting the vibe that Felix was in sulking mode so he left him alone.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>“Why are you asking me?” Felix’s voice came from out of the bedroom, loud and annoyed as Sylvain brought their takeout into the apartment. Based on the tone, Sylvain was going to guess he was talking to his father, Ingrid, or Dimitri.</p><p>“I’m not his fucking keeper,” Felix snapped.</p><p>So Rodrigue it was. Sylvain didn’t even have to eavesdrop as he unpacked their takeout on the kitchen counter. It went in circles like it usually did, Felix dropping a few choice annoyances, and then simmering with a cowed tone because he’d been told to watch his language or that he was working up to a timeout. “Fine!” Felix snapped and then after a couple of minutes, more muted, “I’ll try. Okay? Yeah… yeah me too, whatever.”</p><p>Sylvain waited a couple of seconds to make sure he was really off the phone. “Hey, Fe. I got food. Everything okay?”</p><p>Felix walked out of the bedroom looking more exhausted than after the acrobatic shower sex. “Yeah, Glenn went AWOL again and the old man’s freaking out. Dimitri wasn’t answering his phone and I stupidly picked up mine, because he called it seven times in a row.”</p><p>Saying sorry didn’t seem like it would really encompass the entire issue, so Sylvain held out one of the containers. “I got you spicy wonton soup?”</p><p>Felix waved him off. “I’m not hungry. I have to—ugh.” He pulled his phone out and pressed on the contact for his older brother. “Where the fuck are you?”</p><p>The tinny response was too difficult to overhear, so Sylvain went back to unpacking the food and putting it in new containers.</p><p>Felix was pacing, his face creasing in more and more frustration. “Glenn—no I didn’t—fuck let me get a—would you—no that’s not what happened! Of course I did. Yeah, I fucking—that’s not funny, shithead.”</p><p>Felix pinched the bridge of his nose during a long stream of incomprehensible speaking filtering muffled through the phone. “Can you at least text me when you get there?” Felix asked once it had finished. He sighed deeply at whatever the response was. “Yeah, I will.”</p><p>Felix sighed as hung up. Sylvain walked towards him, close enough that Felix could simply lean in and rest his forehead on his chest. He wrapped his arms around him, dragging him a little closer and squeezed until Felix started to grumble his complaints about breathing, but then also complained when he tried to ease off.</p><p>“Sure you’re not hungry?” Sylvain asked against Felix’s forehead.</p><p>“Maybe,” Felix said, but gave no indication he felt like letting go, so Sylvain mentally calculated how long food could be out on the counter before bacteria started growing on it and wondered if he texted Annette she’d know—since she worked in a lab.</p><p>Eventually, he let go and they ate. Felix only got one wonton down before his phone rang. He fumbled with it and seemed to relax so it probably wasn’t one of three people. Felix answered it and Annette’s cheerful muffled screeching could be heard but not translated well enough through the receiver.</p><p>Felix’s face seemed to light up in a way that made Sylvain a little jealous he wasn’t the cause of—“Annette, you are amazing,” Felix said, and stood up from the table. He paced away from the food and Sylvain’s mouth twisted. He poked at his own food, waiting for Felix to finish.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>“Stop it,” Felix mumbled, half asleep as Sylvain tried shifting the late night cuddle into something more.</p><p>“It’ll help you sleep,” Sylvain said.</p><p>“You shutting up will help me sleep,” Felix retorted. He shoved his nose into Sylvain’s neck, cuddling closer, because he knew Sylvain’s greatest weaknesses.</p><p>Sylvain’s arms automatically closed around him and his hands rested at Felix’s lower back. He went to sleep knowing he’d have a shot in the morning anyway.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Apparently, their usual (when Felix wasn’t working) Sunday lazy brunch plans were cancelled because Annette found another seminar Felix could attend—all of which Sylvain found out after he woke up alone. He tried not to sulk. It would be fine having the apartment to himself, like it had been most of the week.</p><p>Coming home alone after a day at the good ol’ soul-sucking cubicle farm where he clicked on excel spreadsheets all day and ignored the fact that a script could do half his work was peachy. No problem. Not to worry.</p><p>Sylvain’s text blasts about ‘if someone not his boyfriend wanted company’ were promptly ignored or replied to with various apologies and excuses (his least favorite was Ashe was having brunch with <em>his</em> boyfriend).</p><p>Sylvain avoided the urge to watch the Almyran thriller they were watching together, without Felix. Then he considered the merits of finding a workout video online before deciding to play video games instead. He could survive one day without Felix.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Sylvain was in a sex drought. It had been two weeks since he and Felix had more than a casual hand job when Sylvain complained enough. Felix was buried in books, booklets, packets, and e-reader material to study for this stupid certification thing—it was like when he was getting his masters all over again.</p><p>It wasn’t only when he was out that was irritating, it was when Felix was in the apartment, studying. He was flustered, his hair was never tied back right, and he got this crinkle in his forehead while he was going over stuff. It was <em>adorable</em> and Sylvain couldn’t stand it.</p><p>“Sylvain, knock it off,” Felix said, after another failed attempt to get him to take a break. Sylvain dramatically sighed and leaned back on the couch, wondering when this hell would be over.</p><p>“Can you…” Felix started, turning towards Sylvain and finally giving him some damned eye contact. “Could you leave me alone for a few hours? I really need to concentrate, the test’s tomorrow.”</p><p>“Am I that distracting?” Sylvain said, with an eyebrow wiggle that did <em>nothing</em> to Felix’s expression.</p><p>“Not all of us can bullshit our way through exams,” Felix said, dryly. He sighed and rubbed the middle of his forehead with his thumb. “I need to focus.”</p><p>Sylvain did not stomp off to the sad room he called his office. He did kick his legs in the air and simmer in the irritation of being kicked out of his <em>own</em> living room by his <em>own</em> boyfriend. There was nothing to do, minus work—which wasn’t going to happen. He turned on some music and rifled through his albums, but moments later there was a, “Sylvain, can you turn it down?” yelled through the door.</p><p>“For fuck’s sake,” Sylvain muttered and shut the music off. He waited for the obligatory thank you, but there was only silence.</p><p>Snatching his headphones off their stand, he signed on to the most violent and distracting game he could find so he could lose a few hours. The headphones started to bother him after an hour so he took them off, switching the game speakers on. It wasn’t even that loud.</p><p>Not even five minutes later, another frustrated yelled request to turn the sound down came through the closed door. Why couldn’t <em>Felix</em> put some headphones in? Sylvain turned the volume up and blasted a grey faced demon out of the sky.</p><p>Sylvain wasn't sure if he’d reactively put the volume up again when he heard Felix or if he hadn’t heard Felix’s repeated complaints, because suddenly actual Felix was in the room yelling much louder than the game Sylvain was currently losing.</p><p>It was the usual mix of Sylvain not being considerate enough and that Felix only asked for one thing, like Sylvain didn’t do things <em>all the time</em> for Felix. They were yelling over each other. Sylvain hated this part.</p><p>The frantic, angry, biting kissing part, he didn’t mind.</p><p>Any attempts to touch Felix were slapped away, which made Sylvain want to touch him more—going as far as trying to lift him up by the inside of his thighs and getting kicked in the shin for the attempt. There wasn’t enough room to throw Felix against a wall, which ended up being pointless, because suddenly Sylvain was on his back on the floor.</p><p>“You never—shut the fuck up!” Felix growled and Sylvain barely remembered saying something off-hand about maybe if he had something to shut him up with before Felix was sitting practically on his face, his dick slamming into the back of his throat.</p><p>Felix was never this rough for blow jobs. And holy fucking shit—Sylvain felt like the delayed oxygen his brain was getting, combined with the fact that Felix was holding his head tightly by the roots of his hair and thrusting into his skull was incredibly hot. Sylvain was going to explode. The only thing he could do was try to breathe through his nose and enjoy the responding growled obscenities when he moaned around Felix’s cock.</p><p>He had made the joke before about dying during sex being the way to go, but right now there were moments where the back of his throat felt punctured by the tip of Felix’s dick and the stretch in his jaw became too much to deal with—in a really, <em>really</em> nice way—that he thought he might actually do it this time.</p><p>Sylvain, pathetically, came first—only his palm grinding against his dick through his clothes—mostly to the feel of Felix fucking his mouth. When Felix came it was with a pitched keen, like all the life had been sucked out of him—he tried pulling back, but Sylvain grabbed his hips and kept him there, deep in his throat, sucking until his cheeks hollowed out finally having some control and using it to wring every last drop of climax out of Felix’s dick.</p><p>“Oh, fuck — <em>fuck,</em>” Felix whimpered, leaning over Sylvain’s head and steadying himself on the floor with his hands. It was… a hell of a view. Half of Felix’s hair had come out of its tie and the flushed tinged to his face had deepened, paired with sweat making him practically glisten. The wet pop, Felix’s dick made as Sylvain finally decided to breathe again was louder than the loading game music still droning in the background.</p><p>Breathing hard and still leaning over him, Felix looked down. “Are you okay?”</p><p>Sylvain stretched his swore jaw left and right, the numb pain feeling like a war wound. His voice sounded like he’d eaten gravel for dinner. “More than…”</p><p>“Shit,” Felix said, a manic hint to his laugh as he moved so that he was sitting next to Sylvain and stroking his jaw and hair.</p><p>“That probably won’t be on your exam,” Sylvain said, crackling every other syllable into a rasp.</p><p>“I’m getting you some water and then you’re helping me study,” Felix murmured, softly. Everything about his expression and touch the polar opposite to a few moments ago. Sylvain didn’t mind a few moments ago <em>at all</em>, but this seemed all the sweeter because of it.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Throat fucking.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Time</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Felix's fellowship means Sylvain has an even longer sex drought and attempts to remedy the situation go in interesting directions.</p><p>(or, I cannot believe I wrote this)</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you for all the comments/kudos so far! </p><p>I kind of wish I'd written this under a pseudonym, because it's getting real up there in the horny department. It's not going to chill any time soon either, probably. So this is presented to you by ordinary pancakes instead of fancy waffles. </p><p>See the end note for specific content warnings.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Felix got into the fancy fellowship. Sylvain’s immediate reaction was to offer to celebrate, but apparently that had already been planned—so Sylvain played arm candy while Felix talked medical nerd with the rest of his physical therapy friends and the head of his fellowship—a very attractive and slightly intimidating woman who got plastered and kept telling Sylvain to ‘call her Manuela.’</p><p>That had been the highlight of the past month. Felix was working almost every day, leaving before Sylvain got up, and getting home hours after Sylvain got off work. When he was home he was too tired to do anything fun and several attempts at initiating something had been severe blows to Sylvain’s ego when Felix had actually fallen asleep during one.</p><p>It wasn’t like Sylvain could tell him to quit either, because beneath the exhaustion Felix was buzzing with the challenge of doing something more than walking recovering patients through the same exercises day after day. If he was actually awake enough, Felix would talk about his day, animated, and long winded in a way Sylvain hadn’t seen since they were in grade school.</p><p>So Sylvain admirably put up with yet another sex drought and did not whine (much) about how little time he got to spend with his live-in boyfriend.</p><p>Sylvain had been home for a couple of hours by the time the jingle of keys in the lock indicated Felix was finally back. “Welcome home, sunshine,” Sylvain said cheerily as the door swung open. Felix was wearing gym clothes (because of course he could always find time for a workout) and the bags under his eyes were deeper than normal.</p><p>“Mm,” Felix said, deigning to give Sylvain a stopover towards the kitchen where he’d been cooking for the last forty minutes. “That smells good.”</p><p>“Cooking competition at work,” Sylvain said. He’d put more effort into making this curry than he had in any of his actual assigned work since he’d started. There was actually something productive coming out of the cooking at least. “I’m bastardizing Ashe’s recipe,” Sylvain said and held out a loaded spoon for Felix to taste.</p><p>Felix rubbed his hand over his face and then yawned. “Save me some. I didn’t sleep that well. ‘m gonna crash for an hour.”</p><p>Sylvain was still holding the spoon out as Felix disappeared into the bedroom. He sighed and tasted it himself. Wasn’t bad, but it isn't like a <em>little</em> encouragement wouldn’t have been warranted.</p><p>Felix did not wake up in an hour. He was still passed out, face first on the bed when Sylvain finally decided to get some sleep, somewhere south of midnight. If he didn’t look so exhausted, Sylvain might have tried to wake him up—it wasn’t fair the way his hips were slightly lifted and his cheeks flushed pressed against the pillow like that. Fuck, Sylvain was tired of this fellowship already.</p><p>He jerked off in the bathroom to relieve the tension and then went to sleep. Felix was gone when he woke up.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>“This is your first day off in a month and you’re going to hang out with <em>Leonie</em>?” Sylvain asked, not believing what he was hearing.</p><p>“She’s only in town for a week,” Felix said, like there wasn’t a problem.</p><p>Sylvain was feeling petty, selfish, and worst of all jealous. He hated it. “I can drive you, I guess.”</p><p>“It’s fine,” Felix said, waving him off. “I’ll see you when I get home. Go call one of your work friends.”</p><p>“I don’t have work friends!”</p><p>Felix looked irritated, which was making Sylvian’s mood sour more. Instead of getting into it, he swallowed his annoyance and went to take a shower so he wouldn’t have to deal with any destructively worded impulses while Felix was leaving.</p><p>Hanging around the apartment all day felt pathetic, so Sylvain went downtown to bother Ashe and Dedue at their restaurant. While potentially also pathetic, it at least felt so to a lesser degree. It also helped that Lysithea had recently been by and Sylvain left later that day packed with free food and delicious sweets.</p><p>He tried reading something, but ended up reading the same line over and over again, until finally the door opened. Sylvain meant to ask how Leonie was, but what came out was, “You know we haven’t fucked in like a month.”</p><p>The sound of Felix’s keys hitting the counter was the only response. There was a hook that the never used right next to the fucking fridge. Sylvain turned to tell that to him and saw Leonie at the door with a cocked eyebrow. “Hello, to you too. Felix got a phone call so he gave me the keys.”</p><p>Sylvain sank down onto the couch and covered his face with his book. He didn’t think he was capable of being embarrassed, but was proving himself wrong. “So, how’s punching people in the face for a living?”</p><p>“Sometimes I kick them,” Leonie replied, not missing a beat.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>“Who was on the phone?” Sylvain asked as he and Felix got ready for bed.</p><p>“Mm?” Felix asked, toothbrush still in his mouth.</p><p>“Leonie said you were downstairs with a phone call.” Right before Sylvain humiliated himself and then had to spend a solid twenty minutes chatting with Felix’s friend before he finally came back.</p><p>Felix’s nose crinkled and then he turned to the sink, spitting toothpaste. “Dimitri.”</p><p>“Anything important?” Sylvain asked, after a pause where Felix didn’t elaborate.</p><p>“Not really,” Felix said. “You know what he’s like once he gets talking.”</p><p>“Surprised you picked up then,” Sylvain said. He must have sounded as pissy as he felt, because Felix’s electric toothbrush cut short and he came further into the bedroom.</p><p>“What is your problem?” Felix asked.</p><p>Sylvain could think of too many responses too quickly, most of them not painting him in a good light. “I thought you’d want to spend some of your free time with your boyfriend—who you live with but barely see.”</p><p>Felix sighed and then headed back into the bathroom. Sylvain flopped back onto the bed, glaring at the ceiling as he heard the toothbrush start up again and the sounds of Felix’s nightly routine, before the bed shifted as Felix joined.</p><p>“Sorry,” Sylvain said, exhaling his frustration. “I know you’re in love with your new project, but I’m having Felix withdrawal symptoms.”</p><p>“A solid way to fix that is to get petulant with me,” Felix said, dryly. He was being sarcastic, but sometimes Sylvain felt like it was the only surefire way to get his attention.</p><p>Sylvain had a fairly rude response building up, but then Felix was stroking his head. The gentle intimacy of it was the most action he’d had in ages and his dick was already twitching in response.</p><p>“I know a solid way to fix it,” Sylvain suggested.</p><p>“I bet,” Felix murmured, the words full of potential…finally. When Sylvain turned his head towards him—Felix didn’t look like he was ready to jump him. He looked exhausted <em>again</em>.</p><p>“Tomorrow?” Felix suggested, tiredly.</p><p>“Yeah, sure let’s schedule sex, that’s incredibly hot,” Sylvain said, the petty creeping back into his voice.</p><p>Felix’s hand left Sylvain’s hair and he used it to rub his face. “I’m too tired to argue about this.”</p><p>Sylvain was too tired <em>of this</em> to apologize so he turned to his side, away from Felix, to attempt sleep.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Sylvain slept like shit, so he woke up when Felix was getting dressed. A glance at the clock said it was not even five in the morning. “Mhmmphh,” Sylvain said, in lieu of anything coherent.</p><p>It got Felix’s attention. He glanced back at Sylvain and walked towards him. “Go back to sleep,” Felix said, brusquely. He did at least kiss Sylvain, so that was something. What that something was, Sylvain was too sleep addled to think straight.</p><p>“Sex, later?” Sylvain asked.</p><p>Felix snorted. “Yeah. I’ll be home around six.”</p><p>“M’make dinner,” Sylvain said. It was the last thing he remembered before he fell back asleep.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Felix did not get home until eight. Sylvain was updated about this fifteen minutes after he expected Felix to be home, with only a rushed text about a last minute emergency that was going to make him miss his train. The offer to pick him up was never responded to.</p><p>“Dinner’s in the fridge,” Sylvain said, neutrally as the door finally fucking opened.</p><p>“Thanks,” Felix said. “Sorry, I’m late.”</p><p>Sylvain merely grunted in response, for lack of anything better to say. The sound of the fridge opening meant at least Felix might eat something he made. He was starting to feel like a frustrated housewife.</p><p>Sylvain listened to the sounds of Felix reheating the dinner that had been ready two hours ago and tried not to simmer in his irritation, but it kept boiling over the more noises in the kitchen he made. He couldn’t be upset that Felix hadn’t apologized, because he had, but the last month had made him <em>so</em>—a feeling he couldn’t quite put a word to.</p><p>Sylvain stopped pretending to read when Felix came over to the couch and sat down. He was still wearing his scrubs, his hair tied differently than Sylvain had blearily seen it this morning. He probably found time to workout again. Always time for <em>that</em> it seemed.</p><p>“Did you win?” Felix asked.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“The cooking thing at work,” Felix said.</p><p>Was that a compliment on dinner? Was Sylvain supposed to be a mindreader? “That was last week, Felix.”</p><p>“Okay,” Felix said, giving him an uneasy look. “You seem pissed.”</p><p>“What was the emergency?” Sylvain asked, instead of dignifying that with any sort of response.</p><p>Felix raised an eyebrow, staring at Sylvain for a moment before answering. “One of Dr. Casagranda’s patients was having a bad reaction to the treatment and she needed assistance.”</p><p>“Isn’t that work for real doctors?” Sylvain asked.</p><p>Felix’s face pinched and he let out a frustrated breath through his nose. “Don’t be a dick.”</p><p>Sylvain deflated a little. That <em>was</em> kind of a low blow. Still he felt petty that Felix had volunteered to skip a night Sylvain was pathetically looking forward to. That must’ve shown on his face, or something must have shifted, because Felix moved over on the couch so he was pressed against him and leaned in.</p><p>Sylvain automatically followed the lead and kissed him. Felix’s mouth tasted like reheated dinner and an energy drink he’d probably chugged on the train. It was insane how much Sylvain felt like his anger was receding the second his hands were actually on Felix again. He dragged Felix onto his lap so he was straddling him and greedily swallowed the surprised noise Felix made at that action.</p><p>It was embarrassing how much harder Sylvain was than Felix at the moment. Sylvain tried remedying that by flicking his tongue in Felix’s mouth and pulling him closer to deepen the kiss. Felix’s next noise was more of a moan and his hand slid down Sylvain’s front and started undoing the fly on his jeans. It wasn’t too much longer after that it was gripping Sylvain’s dick and jerking in a way that didn’t feel like foreplay.</p><p>Sylvain pulled his head back. “I thought we were going to have sex.”</p><p>“We… are?” Felix looked perplexed, his hand still encircling Sylvain’s cock but no longer making the rushed routine movements that quickly got him off. That was supposed to be for if they didn’t have time to anything else. Literally: for fuck’s sake.</p><p>“A pathetic excuse for a hand job is not sex.”</p><p>“What the fuck?” Felix balked at him and his hand slipped out of his pants.</p><p>It was <em>infuriating</em> how good he was choosing to look right now, slightly mussed from kissing, lips red and swollen, and wearing his stupid sexy work scrubs that were now rumpled in delightful places.</p><p>“Yeah, that’s exactly what I assumed we’d be doing,” Sylvain said. “Not treating me like I’m also leftovers.”</p><p>Felix slid off his lap and onto the couch, glaring at him. “What the hell is your problem?”</p><p>“You’re jerking me off like you’re in a hurry to do something else,” Sylvain said. “I waited all day for this!”</p><p>Felix shifted his jaw. “I don’t have the energy for a Sylvain length sex marathon.”</p><p>It was telling of Sylvain’s mood how he couldn’t even say the four immediate dick jokes that sprung to mind. “You don’t have enough energy for me, but plenty for a so-called work emergency. I feel like you’re cheating on me with this fellowship.”</p><p>“I’m sorry,” Felix said, not sounding very at all, “but it isn’t my fault that I’m doing something I actually like and you’re too much of a coward to quit a job you hate.”</p><p>There was a flash of something Felix’s face like he knew how much of a shitty thing that was to say, but he didn’t make any move to correct himself. Fine, if he wanted to play that way. Sylvain could play. “Big talk from someone who pays only enough of the rent to salve their ego.”</p><p>“Fuck you,” Felix snapped.</p><p>“If you had maybe we wouldn’t be having this argument!” Sylvain snapped back. He felt like throwing the couch cushions off the couch and maybe breaking the tv. It wasn’t like he couldn’t afford to fix it. After all, his cowardly job paid for it in the first place.</p><p>Things escalated quickly, because Felix couldn’t back down from a fight and Sylvain couldn’t not keep talking if his life depended on it. Then—because either the topic of their fight or because this was the new way to solve arguments—Felix was back on his lap, grinding down and kissing him with more teeth than tongue.</p><p>It wasn’t enough. Sylvain was still fuming and Felix’s fucking scrubs seemed like a personal attack. He smacked Felix on the ass, harder than normal and tugged sharply at his scrub bottoms. “Get your stupid work clothes off already or I’m going to <em>rip</em> them off.”</p><p>“I’d like to see you try,” Felix muttered, meanly biting down on Sylvain’s mouth and using his pelvis as a weapon against Sylvain’s dick.</p><p>Sylvain tossed Felix onto his back on the couch—surprising him based on the way his eyes widened and that little surprised pout he did with his lower lip—and yanked his bottoms off so hard they did rip. Felix looked incensed about it, but also much more turned on than he had been during his weak dickshake earlier.</p><p>Sylvain remembered the way Felix had practically wailed when he’d tugged at that stupid(incredibly hot) high ponytail. He tried grabbing for it, but Felix caught Sylvain’s wrist and glared up at him like a challenge. Sylvain rose to it. He broke Felix’s grip and then caught both of Felix’s wrists pinning them down above his head and leaning over him so he was restrained to one spot</p><p><em>Finally</em> Sylvain felt Felix’s all-the-way hard erection digging into his stomach. “Still don’t have enough energy, sweetheart?” he asked, lowering down a little so his weight pressed Felix even further into the cushions.</p><p>Felix’s cock was leaking against him and he was breathing hard.He brought his knee up in an attempt to wedge it between Sylvain’s legs, but only succeeding in brushing up against Sylvain’s dick—Sylvain didn’t understand why it was still in his pants. He let Felix go and quickly attended to the wearing jeans issue—first pulling out the lube he’d shoved into his pocket when he thought Felix would be home by six.</p><p>That thought sent a flare of hot resentment that incensed him all over again. Sylvain moved so that he was on his knees on the couch, sitting back on his calves and roughly flipped Felix onto his stomach. Felix let out a soft grunt and his fingers dug deep into one of the couch cushions adjusting himself. His ass was pitched up—two perfect pale cheeks that had been sorely unattended the last month, though not through any fault of Sylvain’s.</p><p>“Did you still go to the gym today?” Sylvain asked, biting the lube open with his teeth as he forcefully adjusted Felix’s hips to the angle he wanted. He stared down at the long expanse of Felix’s muscled back peeking out beneath his scrub top.</p><p>There was a solid few seconds of silence before Felix said, barely contrite, “It’s on the way to work.”</p><p>An automatic impulse had Sylvain’s hand smacking the presented curve in front of him—it jiggled from the impact. He’d never spanked Felix purely because he’d been pissed off before—generally preferring to use it as an excuse to get his attention or because his ass was there and Sylvain was only human—but judging by Felix’s sharp intake of breath and the way he angled his hips backwards as if asking for more, apparently that wasn’t a problem.</p><p>Felix cried out as Sylvain slapped his ass again. He did it two more times, leaving angry red handprints over the otherwise pristine ivory skin. Sylvain wanted to paint the canvas red to the tune of the pitched groans Felix made with every smack.</p><p>Sylvain was too wound up and horny to go for as long as he wanted—to mark Felix so he’d spend the next day feeling it and remember the only person who could have him like this—so he laved off a few more smacks before working on opening Felix up. He purposefully avoided any spots he knew Felix enjoyed—crooking his fingers <em>just</em> below his prostrate in a way that stretched him out and had the added benefit of making Felix swear and try to kick at him.</p><p>“Fuck you,” Felix snarled. “If you’re so desperate, hurry the fuck up.”</p><p>“Don’t know why you’re complaining,” Sylvian said, anything but calm. “You <em>didn’t</em> have the energy for one of my sex marathons.”</p><p>“You’re such a sensitive bitch,” Felix snapped and then it cut off in a gasping moan as Sylvain shoved another finger in, much harder than normal—fuck he was really into this. Felix tried fucking himself back on Sylvain’s fingers, angling to where he wanted to go, but Sylvain only responded by pulling them out completely. “Fuck you, you fucking fuck!”</p><p>Sylvain almost resisted the urge to laugh and then realized he was still pissed and gave in. “You’re lucky you’re pretty, Felix.”</p><p>Felix turned his torso enough to glare. Sylvain then grasped Felix’s hips and pushed in completely in one move—getting to watch the pissy expression be completely fucked off Felix’s face as he did. It was easier from this position to grab Felix’s hair, so he did, tugging it backwards to get Felix facing the couch cushions again. Felix let out a strangled expletive filled groan as his only response.</p><p>“You want me to go quick, though right?” Sylvain asked pulling out and then slamming back in, only holding Felix steady with a grip on his hair.</p><p>“Ahn,” Felix grunted and pushed himself up to his elbows. “Sounds like you’re—<em>fuck</em>—sounds like you’re going to finish quick anyway based—ahhnnn—on your bitching.”</p><p>Felix was taunting him. He was actively taunting him. Sylvain felt a mixture of affection and annoyance swell in him at the same time and responded by shoving Felix’s face towards the couch. Sylvain held him there, his hand splayed along the spot where Felix’s neck met his spine and jerked his hips back. He slammed in again, making the pace as unrelenting as they both deserved.</p><p>Felix was <em>noisy</em> even with his face mashed into the pillow, clearly enjoying this based on the muffled but loud keening cries with every tight stretch of Sylvain’s cock thrusting into him.Felix kept trying to push back and take control of the pace, but Sylvain had too much advantage at this angle and let go of Felix’s hair to squeeze his perfect hip bones and force him to go the speed Sylvain decided.</p><p>“You said you were tired,” Sylvain breathed, his voice rasping against the exertion of pounding into Felix. “Seems like that means you should let me do all the work. You know—” He pulled back slowly this time, pausing and eating up Felix’s objecting whimper. “—because I’m not staying late at the job I’m too cowardly to quit.”</p><p>“<em>Sylvain</em>,” Felix begged, barely coherent and clearly overwhelmed.</p><p>“Oh, so now you want me to fuck you?” Sylvain asked. Felix’s only reply was a frustrated push back of his hips that Sylvain had a death grip on to prevent.</p><p>“Yes!” Felix snapped, voice losing some of its slur as his fingers curled into fists.</p><p>Sylvain wasn’t sure how he was managing not to fuck Felix with the way his top bunched around his torso giving him full view of still unmarked skin. He wanted to bite a trail up Felix’s spine, but more than that he wanted a little bit of consideration.</p><p>“Ask nicely,” Sylvain said.</p><p>“What?” Felix turned his head to glare at him again.</p><p>Sylvain smacked his ass again, hard. He got to see Felix’s reaction to it this time, a wince and then the way he bit his lip in an attempt to keep from groaning. Felix quickly tried to glare up at Sylvain, ignoring his own momentary reaction.</p><p>Sylvain made the glare disappear with another rough smack. Felix breathed out harshly and swallowed. “Please,” he said, stiffly.</p><p>“Please what?” Sylvain asked. He felt lightheaded having this much control after a month of feeling like he had none.</p><p>“Please fuck me,” Felix said through gritted teeth.</p><p>Sylvain smirked. “Baby, you know you can say it nicer than that."</p><p>Felix’s frustration was growing and he drove his fist into a pillow and turned his head back towards the cushions. Another failed attempt at pushing his hips back went nowhere and only the tip of Sylvain’s cock stayed at the very edge of Felix’s hole.</p><p>“Please,” Felix said, much sweeter, even if Sylvain could tell it was killing him to do so, “fuck me.”</p><p>Sylvain slid into Felix again, this time slowly, dragging out every inch of movement until his cock was surrounded by tight heat again. As he began to pull back again, just as slow, Felix huffed out, “Harder than that.” Then added, in an utterly sincere and somehow still slightly pissy voice, “Please.”</p><p>“Since you asked so nicely.”</p><p>Sylvain couldn’t do anything but give in. He slammed down again, letting his grip on Felix’s hip go just long enough to grab his hair again. Sylvain pulled until Felix bent in that perfect arch, making it so Sylvain could hear the heated cries escaping Felix’s mouth with each snap of his hips.</p><p>Sylvain usually tried to get Felix to come first—he wasn’t always successful, but he strived towards that goal. Usually it was because he wanted to hear the gasping moaning little half-scream that Felix could never contain when he climaxed. Right now, Sylvain just wanted to win. He wanted to stay in control for once.</p><p>It only took a few more hard, angled thrusts and then Felix literally wailed and clenched around Sylvain’s dick like a vice grip. That tight heat and friction was too much for even the angry stubborn stamina Sylvain was channeling and he came in a rush that knocked the wind out of him.</p><p>Sylvain let himself fall on top of Felix. He didn’t pull out yet, savoring the feel of being surrounded and surrounding Felix completely. Felix smelled like sweat, sex, and leftovers. He was even breathing harder than after one of his runs.</p><p>“See, I can give you a good workout,” Sylvain said, directly into the skin of Felix’s neck. He wanted to rip his top too, but didn’t have the energy.</p><p>“You’d have to wake up earlier,” Felix said, his words sharp, but still slurring at the end.</p><p>Sylvain was wiped out, but he was pretty sure he’d completely wrecked Felix. The pride from that was intoxicating. “Don’t tease me.”</p><p>“‘m not.” Felix moved his head to rest on his cheek. It was still deeply flushed and almost as red as his ass had to be. Sylvain battled between the urge to check and the lack of motivation to move. Felix glanced sideways at Sylvain. “Unless you’re still going to whine about scheduling it.”</p><p>“I wasn’t the one whining a second ago,” Sylvain said, smug.</p><p>Felix must have gotten some energy back because he elbowed Sylvain in the ribs. Sylvain rolled them over, so his back was to the couch and less chance of elbowing. Felix twisted around in his arms—instead of fighting some more, he settled to rest on Sylvain’s prone arm. Felix’s eyes were lazy and sated and Sylvain could do nothing but kiss him softly.</p><p>Felix carded his fingers through Sylvain’s hair and his breathing started to even out. “You ripped my scrubs.”</p><p>“You dared me to.”</p><p>Felix looked like he might say something else, but then drew Sylvain back for another kiss. Sylvain pulled him closer, running his hands over the smooth skin underneath Felix’s top and then down to the bare swell of his ass. He squeezed and felt Felix hiss against his mouth. Sylvain palmed it a little more gently and continued kissing him.</p><p>It turned into the kind of affectionate nose touching and easy kisses that Felix would never admit was nuzzling. Sylvain felt like the ripple of bad energy had drifted away with the shore and being angry was stupid and far away.</p><p>“You can’t make me late for work,” Felix added during a short break where their lips weren’t connected.</p><p>“Negotiation for scheduled sex. Hot,” Sylvain said. He kissed the annoyed wrinkle of Felix’s brow. “I could drive you, you know.”</p><p>“It’s out of your way,” Felix said, yet again. It was an old argument that seemed like nothing in comparison to the one they’d had less than a half hour ago.</p><p>“I don’t care,” Sylvain said. He couldn’t resist the urge to grin a little and tighten the fingers still cupped over Felix’s ass, drawing out another hiss. “Besides my car’s seating is more comfortable than the train.”</p><p>Felix grabbed Sylvain’s wrist and dragged his hand further up so it was resting on the small of his back. Sylvain drew light circles on the exposed skin with his fingertips and resisted the urge for now to trail back down.</p><p>“Jackass,” Felix muttered affectionately, like a pet name. He was melting into the gentle touches again. “Fine. Drive me to work this week.”</p><p>The ‘this week’ made that flicker of irritation flare up, but Sylvain smothered it instead and kissed up Felix’s jaw. “I could quit and drive for a service, be your chauffeur.”</p><p>“That implies I pay you.”</p><p>“I am willing to accept sexual favors in lieu of card or cash,” Sylvain said, barely managing to keep a straight face.</p><p>Felix flicked his nose and his mouth twisted into something that was almost like a smile. “No more fighting.”</p><p>“I feel like we both enjoyed this one,” Sylvain said, grinning shamelessly.</p><p>Felix shrugged a shoulder, the almost smile not dropping off his face. “It was more efficient.”</p><p>Sylvain snorted. “Yeah, let’s just replace arguing with sex, because it’s a time saver.”</p><p>Felix stretched out a little against Sylvain, yawning like a cat. Sylvain drew both his arms around him and pulled Felix closer to his chest so he was nuzzled into the crook of Sylvain’s neck.</p><p>“We shouldn’t fall asleep on the couch,” Felix mumbled.</p><p>“Why not? We fuck on it enough,” Sylvain said. Felix’s reply was incoherent and grumbled, but Sylvain could assume it was another insulting pet name or epithet. “Want me to carry you to bed, sweetheart?”</p><p>“Fine,” Felix said, giving in without a fight—which was also very nice.</p><p>Sylvain shifted and adjusted until he was holding Felix in a bridal carry—it was testament to how much he’d wrecked Felix that all he did was rest his head on Sylvain’s shoulder. He walked them—both pantsless—to their bedroom. Ignoring Felix’s grumbled protests, Sylvain cleaned him up and got him into pajamas rather than his scrub top.</p><p>Felix was adorably wiped out, sprawled on the bed with his eyes fluttering open and shut. Sylvain felt much better about it since he was the cause. He kissed Felix, drawing it out before finally settling into bed himself, arms slung around Felix so he couldn’t sneak out in the morning without waking Sylvain up.</p><p>Sylvain thought about what they could do in the morning, considering Sylvain was tired himself and a little sore in his quads so Felix had to be more so. Claimed inside and out, Sylvain thought, but managed not to verbalize.</p><p>“You <em>really</em> liked that,” Sylvain said, into the dark.</p><p>“Shut up,” Felix huffed, turning away from him. It put his neck close enough that Sylvain could brush his lips and teeth against. “This is why I tried to give you the easy hand job,” Felix grumbled and squirmed, as Sylvain worked a mark on his neck.</p><p>Felix didn’t protest or argue as Sylvain slipped a hand into his shorts, so that was something.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>spanking, possessive behavior, potentially vague sliver of dub con (but everyone is enjoying themselves)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Schedules</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Sylvain and Felix attempt to make their very opposite schedules work for them.</p><p>(or, no angry sex in this one just regular sex and a horrible sense of foreboding)</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This thing is becoming a monster. This chapter is blamed on Mego and Fim and an emoji joke that I cannot stop laughing at. This works better with the work skin on, however should work either way!</p><p>No content warnings for this one.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sylvain had always been a fan of morning sex, but that was when it was a lazy Sunday morning fuck and not dragging himself awake at <em>no one is up this early</em> o’clock in the morning. He valiantly pushed through anyway, mostly because Felix was a fucking angel and decided a blow job was better than coffee. (He was mostly correct, although the caffeine’s effects lasted a little longer.)</p><p>For someone who was bad at verbalizing, Felix had an artful tongue in other areas. The hot wet heat of his mouth—along with Felix’s dexterous fingers stroking along the underside of Sylvain’s cock, knuckles resting on his balls—made an orgasm hit Sylvain so hard all the drowsy feelings of being up so goddess damned early disappeared as if they were knocked out of him.</p><p>Sylvain only let himself have two recovery breaths before he sat up and then shoved Felix back down on the bed, crawling on top of him. The mark on his neck from last night was still there and Sylvain mouthed at it while his hands curled around Felix’s back. He could practically taste the little groans and moans Felix tried to keep in his throat—last night he’d been so much louder. Sylvain wanted to hear him again—make a Felix sex-noise alarm clock to makeup for the hour.</p><p>He ran his hands down Felix’s back, squeezing his ass and then sliding down to his thighs, edging them apart so he could settle better between them.</p><p>“You said you wouldn’t make me late for work,” Felix whined, but seemed to spread his legs on instinct.</p><p>“I never agreed to that,” Sylvain said. “In fact, I think you’re never leaving this bed. We both quit our jobs and reclaim this bed as Sylvixtopia.”</p><p>That hadn’t been as sexy as he wanted, because Felix stared up at him with an unimpressed expression that also clearly declared ‘why are you like this?’ It was too early to be as smooth as Sylvain wanted to cover up that gaff or to laugh it off, so he decided the best way to avoid Felix’s face and keep his mouth shut was to slide down the length of Felix’s body and take advantage of the space he’d kindly opened up for him.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>“Are you sure you’re okay to drive?” Felix asked as they walked down the stairs.</p><p>Sylvain did not stumble over the steps, because he was not the one that still should’ve been in a sex coma. How was Felix this <em>awake</em> in the morning? He didn’t even drink coffee half the time. “You want to take the train that badly?”</p><p>“You look drunk,” Felix said, ignoring his attempt to bait him into a distraction argument.</p><p>“Drunk on you, baby,” Sylvain said. He felt a warm grip in his chest when that seemed to surprise a snorted laugh out of Felix. Felix attempted, badly, to cover it and the simultaneous grin that stretched out his face by turning his head away.</p><p>Sylvain refrained from commenting, but hummed a little as they finished their way down the stairs. The way Felix squirmed and adjusted himself as he sat in the passenger’s seat sent the lizard part of Sylvain’s brain into overdrive and he wondered if they had time for fooling around in the car.</p><p>“Stop looking smug,” Felix said, slamming his seatbelt buckle in a little too hard and reminding Sylvain of last night.</p><p>“I was only wondering if you wanted me to put the heated seat on,” Sylvain said and laughed as Felix punched his arm.</p><p>“Reminds me to text Annette to bring makeup,” Felix muttered to himself, dragging out his three generations out of date Crest phone.</p><p>“Aww come on,” Sylvain said. “Aren’t you all into bruises, that’s like porn for PT isn’t it?”</p><p>Felix didn’t respond and instead turned the satellite radio on and cranked the volume up higher than was necessary. He slapped Sylvain’s hand away when he tried to turn it down, but forgot about steering wheel controls, so Sylvain muted it.</p><p>“Jackass,” Felix said. They rode in slightly uncomfortable silence until Sylvain gave in and turned the music back on at a much more reasonable volume. If only because he needed something to engage his brain so he didn’t drift off while driving.</p><p>The ride to Felix’s work didn’t take as long as usual, there wasn’t that much traffic this early in the day. It was enough out of his way that Sylvain probably had to go straight to his own office rather than sneaking a nap in at home before his shift.</p><p>He couldn’t help a yawn once they’d parked and tried to avoid Felix’s concerned expression. “It’s fine,” Sylvain said. “What time do you want me to pick you up?”</p><p>“I don’t want you to pick me up,” Felix said, frowning. “Doing it in the morning is enough out of your way as it is.”</p><p>“Let me decide if I want to be inconvenienced,” Sylvain said, a little peevishly. Why was it so hard to do anything nice for Felix?</p><p>Felix sighed and rubbed his temple. “Fine. I don’t know yet. Probably six.”</p><p>“Seiros,” Sylvain swore, “how many hours a week are you working now?”</p><p>“Annette asked me for help on her research proposal. She’s trying to get a grant for her department,” he added.</p><p>“She can do that at ours,” Sylvain said. For some reason that seemed to irritate Felix, which in turn seemed to irritate Sylvain.</p><p>“All of her stuff is here,” Felix said. Something about the way he said it made Sylvain feel like there was something else, buried underneath he wanted to say, but it was too early to decipher.Felix let out a harried breath and unbuckled his seatbelt. “Just, let me take the train tonight and I’ll know my schedule tomorrow, okay?”</p><p>Sylvain replied with a grunt. Apparently he was Felix in the morning.</p><p>“Okay?” Felix repeated.</p><p>“Fine,” Sylvain said.</p><p>“Text me when you get to work so I know you didn’t fall asleep mid-expressway or something,” Felix muttered. He softened the entire tiff by leaning across the car and kissing Sylvain on the cheek. “Seriously or I’m calling Search and Rescue.”</p><p>“Yessir,” Sylvain drawled, smiling at him. He indulged in watching Felix walk into the hospital—bag slung over his shoulder, a slight limp in his gait like he could still feel Sylvain from last night. He sipped the rest of his coffee with a smile, but then Sylvain realized he was going to need to suffer with work coffee today to survive.</p><p>Maybe instead of working, he’d put together a presentation about why Sylvain would rather taste ass than drink the watered downed piss beans work provided. Although that wasn’t really a fair competition for any coffee—depending on the ass.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>The <em>single</em> upside to getting to work this early was that Sylvain had one of the best parking spots he’d ever snagged (although coming super late sometimes also did that). He leaned back in his seat and wondered if he’d wrinkle his suit if he napped in the backseat—or if he cared.</p><p>Instead, as promised he pulled his phone out and sent the obligatory text back to Felix, smiling at the immediate response (and the horribly disgusting contact name that Sylvain kept making worse every time Felix complained).</p>
<p></p><div class="phone">
  <p class="messagebody"><span class="header"><span class="hide"><b>(heart face emoji) Snugglekins (heart face emoji)</b></span>🥰~Snugglekins~🥰</span><br/>
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<span class="breply"><span class="hide"><b>Sylvain: </b></span>the calvary can stand down, i am alive </span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="text"><span class="hide"><b>Felix: </b></span>Keep it that way.</span><br/>
<span class="breply"><span class="hide"><b>Sylvain: </b></span>pls if you’re so romantic like this with me i might swoon and then how will i keep my promise </span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="time">Read 5:32 AM</span><br/>
</p>
</div>Fuck, Felix was such a bitch sometimes. Sylvain fought another smile and shoved his phone in pocket before trudging to start the day. He could have seen the literally being put on read thing as the usual ‘don’t bother me at work unless it’s an emergency’ text stance Felix generally had, but it was a small sliver of tempting space to squeeze into.<p>Sylvain was on his third coffee break of the day when he hoped Saint Cethleann was still granting miracles and shot off a text.</p>
<p></p><div class="phone">
  <p class="messagebody"><span class="header"><span class="hide"><b>(heart face emoji) Snugglekins (heart face emoji)</b></span>🥰~Snugglekins~🥰</span><br/>
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<span class="breply"><span class="hide"><b>Sylvain: </b></span>how do you survive in the morning without coffee? are you a robot?</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="text"><span class="hide"><b>Felix: </b></span>usually I go to the gym</span><br/>
</p>
</div>Sylvain grinned, then scraped his tongue with his teeth to try and get rid of the coffee taste, before replying and luring Felix into a non-emergency conversation.<div class="phone">
  <p class="messagebody"><span class="header"><span class="hide"><b>(heart face emoji) Snugglekins (heart face emoji)</b></span>🥰~Snugglekins~🥰</span><br/>
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<span class="breply"><span class="hide"><b>Sylvain: </b></span>idk my workout this morning only made me tired :(</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="text"><span class="hide"><b>Felix: </b></span>what workout?</span><br/>
<span class="text"><span class="hide"><b>Felix: </b></span>nevermind</span><br/>
<span class="breply"><span class="hide"><b>Sylvain: </b></span>you forgot already? way to kill my ego, fe</span><br/>
<span class="text"><span class="hide"><b>Felix: </b></span>I can’t forget. I’m reminded every time I have to walk down the hallway and I’m sore in six places I shouldnt be</span><br/>
<span class="breply"><span class="hide"><b>Sylvain: </b></span>I’m sorry, baby. :( do you need an icepack?</span><br/>
<span class="text"><span class="hide"><b>Felix: </b></span>I don’t think they sell internal ones</span><br/>
<span class="breply"><span class="hide"><b>Sylvain: </b></span>you don't go on the internet enough</span><br/>
<span class="text"><span class="hide"><b>Felix: </b></span>I fucking hate you.</span><br/>
<span class="breply"><span class="hide"><b>Sylvain: </b></span>you can’t swing me softballs and not expect to land them</span><br/>
<span class="breply"><span class="hide"><b>Sylvain: </b></span>or hardballs</span><br/>
<span class="breply"><span class="hide"><b>Sylvain: </b></span>any kind of ball really</span><br/>
<span class="text"><span class="hide"><b>Felix: </b></span>I’m blocking your number</span><br/>
<span class="breply"><span class="hide"><b>Sylvain: </b></span>again?</span><br/>
<span class="time">Read 9:51 AM</span><br/>
</p>
</div>Sylvain took the win that he got and ran with it, letting the momentary glimpse of Felix take him throughout the next hour or two of work drudgery boredom. There were only so many things a podcast could do. It was almost impossible for Sylvain to keep his eyes open. It was bad enough he was this tired, but work wasn’t exactly thrilling on a good day and his vision kept blurring from disinterest.<p>He tried Felix again. Shot in the dark, but at least a moment not at his computer.</p>
<p></p><div class="phone">
  <p class="messagebody"><span class="header"><span class="hide"><b>(heart face emoji) Snugglekins (heart face emoji)</b></span>🥰~Snugglekins~🥰</span><br/>
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<span class="breply"><span class="hide"><b>Sylvain: </b></span>i’m bored send me a sext </span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="text"><span class="hide"><b>Felix: </b></span>I don’t know what the duck that is</span><br/>
<span class="text"><span class="hide"><b>Felix: </b></span>fuck*</span><br/>
<span class="text"><span class="hide"><b>Felix: </b></span>stupid autocorrect</span><br/>
<span class="breply"><span class="hide"><b>Sylvain: </b></span>u don’t know what a sext is????</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="time">Read 11:27 AM</span><br/>
</p>
</div>Sylvain groaned and then tried again fifteen minutes later when he still wasn’t getting anywhere with the spreadsheet of doom.
<p></p><div class="phone">
  <p class="messagebody"><span class="header"><span class="hide"><b>(heart face emoji) Snugglekins (heart face emoji)</b></span>🥰~Snugglekins~🥰</span><br/>
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<span class="breply"><span class="hide"><b>Sylvain: </b></span>what about a dick pic? you do know what those are </span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="text"><span class="hide"><b>Felix: </b></span>DO NOT send me a picture of your or anyone else’s dick</span><br/>
<span class="breply"><span class="hide"><b>Sylvain: </b></span>rude</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="breply"><span class="hide"><b>Sylvain: </b></span>what about my tits?</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="time">Read 11:43 AM</span><br/>
</p>
</div>Twenty minutes later, Sylvain heard the message notification of a sword <i>shnnk</i> noise.
<p></p><div class="phone">
  <p class="messagebody"><span class="header"><span class="hide"><b>(heart face emoji) Snugglekins (heart face emoji)</b></span>🥰~Snugglekins~🥰</span><br/>
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<span class="text"><span class="hide"><b>Felix: </b></span>also not your ass</span><br/>
</p>
</div>Sylvain smiled to himself and sent him a salacious picture of his bare ankle an hour later, to another “read message” response.<p>He resisted the urge to send anymore until he was done with work, which thankfully was far earlier than normal. Sylvain drove back to the apartment, considering it was too early to try and pick Felix up and wasn’t really much of a time difference for the drive, anyway. Sylvain usually shucked his entire suit off the second he got back in the apartment (forgetting and then remembering Felix’s ‘shoes by the door’ rule), but he was so tired—he undid his tie, threw his jacket into the hamper and fell face first onto their bed to sleep. </p><p>When he woke up it was past six. He checked his phone, but nothing from Felix about changing his mind. Maybe he wasn’t done yet. Annette was a workaholic—not a surprise why they were friends.</p>
<p></p><div class="phone">
  <p class="messagebody"><span class="header"><span class="hide"><b>(heart face emoji) Snugglekins (heart face emoji)</b></span>🥰~Snugglekins~🥰</span><br/>
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<span class="breply"><span class="hide"><b>Sylvain: </b></span>you sure you don’t want a sexy pickup?</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="text"><span class="hide"><b>Felix: </b></span>already on the train</span><br/>
<span class="breply"><span class="hide"><b>Sylvain: </b></span>any dinner requests? </span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="breply"><span class="hide"><b>Sylvain: </b></span>please say me</span><br/>
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<span class="text"><span class="hide"><b>Felix: </b></span>do you ever think about anything other than sex?</span><br/>
<span class="breply"><span class="hide"><b>Sylvain: </b></span>this feels like a trap</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="text"><span class="hide"><b>Felix: </b></span>I ate with Annie</span><br/>
<br/>
</p>
</div>Sylvain frowned at the phone. It was ridiculous to be jealous of Annette, but he’d wanted to at least have dinner with him if Felix was going to be so stubborn about not getting picked up.
<p></p><div class="phone">
  <p class="messagebody"><span class="header"><span class="hide"><b>(heart face emoji) Snugglekins (heart face emoji)</b></span>🥰~Snugglekins~🥰</span><br/>
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<span class="breply"><span class="hide"><b>Sylvain: </b></span>dessert?</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="text"><span class="hide"><b>Felix: </b></span>is there any left from Lysithea?</span><br/>
<br/>
</p>
</div>Sylvain pressed his face against the phone for a moment, marveling in the fact that Felix somehow passed complex and rigorous schooling and was still this dense.
<p></p><div class="phone">
  <p class="messagebody"><span class="header"><span class="hide"><b>(heart face emoji) Snugglekins (heart face emoji)</b></span>🥰~Snugglekins~🥰</span><br/>
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<span class="breply"><span class="hide"><b>Sylvain: </b></span>not on the menu tonight</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="text"><span class="hide"><b>Felix: </b></span>then what are you talking about?</span><br/>
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<span class="breply"><span class="hide"><b>Sylvain: </b></span><span class="hide"><b>(pleading face emoji) (hand pointing right emoji) (okay symbol emoji)</b></span>🥺👉👌</span><br/>
<span class="time">Read 6:27 PM</span><br/>
</p>
</div><p> </p>
<hr/><p>Sylvain valiantly managed another rousing not-his-best morning sex and drop-off, but on the third day he couldn’t get his dick or his head up.</p><p>“I’m taking the train,” Felix said, far too awake. “Just sleep.”</p><p>“No,” Sylvain said, grabbing clumsily for him. He was so fucking tired. “Workout at home and save an hour.”</p><p>“When you’re more awake you’ll remember <em>why</em> I can’t do that,” Felix said. Vaguely somewhere deep in Sylvain’s waking consciousness that wanted nothing to do with him at the moment, he remembered the snowstorm last year and Felix trying to do yoga in their living room.</p><p>He felt himself smile and hummed sleepily. “Happy baby pose.”</p><p>Sylvain dosed off to the memory of that and actually managed to feel moderately human when he woke up. He also felt miserable all day. If they couldn’t get morning sex in, there’d be another sex drought. As sleep deprived as he’d been, it was still nice getting to drop his boyfriend off at work in the morning. If only his boyfriend could work normal fucking hours.</p><p>Felix did at least let him pick him up, although Sylvain knew that wouldn’t last—his schedule was too erratic and Felix cared too much about Sylvain <em>wasting his time</em> or some other nonsense.</p><p>“You look less like the crypt keeper,” the love of Sylvain’s life said, tossing his bag into the backseat.</p><p>Sylvain waited until Felix was buckled in before responding. “I’m still exhausted so you’re doing all the work tonight.”</p><p>“Assuming you mean sex and not dinner,” Felix said, clearly amused with himself. It was as infuriating as it was attractive.</p><p>“Don’t taunt me,” Sylvain said, starting the drive back to theirs. “I was abandoned this morning.”</p><p>“I didn’t trust you to walk down the stairs this morning, let alone drive.”</p><p>Sylvain sighed, the pretend dramatics easing into something a little more realistically morose. “Are you going to be up for it tonight, really?”</p><p>The silence was a pretty big answer, even before Felix said, “Not if you’re going to critique my hand jobs again.”</p><p>“I love your hands,” Sylvain said, emphatically. “<em>Especially</em> when they’re not lazy.”</p><p>He risked taking his eyes off the road for a moment to glance at Felix and see how he took that. Thankfully it was only an annoyed eye roll.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Sylvain listened to Felix animatedly talk about work at dinner, fondness outweighing any other feeling that was threatening to take over. He really was enjoying himself. Sylvain hadn’t seen him this thrilled with work in a while. It was almost like before Glenn’s accident, when he’d been regular pre-med, practicing surgical stitches on canvas and fruit for fun.</p><p>They ended up keeping it from being x-rated on the couch. Felix insisted he’d have the energy later (Sylvain wasn’t sure <em>he</em> would at this point) and convinced Sylvain to pick up where they left off on the Almyran thriller series. Sylvain had valiantly resisted spite watching it without Felix and almost regretted it, because the subtitles meant he had to pay attention the screen and not the way Felix curled against his side.</p><p>Sylvain settled for lazily playing with Felix’s hair and did manage to pay attention to most of three episodes, even with Felix’s hand resting on his thigh. Nabateanflix put up the very judgey ‘are you still watching this?’ prompt and Sylvain yawned.</p><p>“Bed?” Felix asked.</p><p>His hair was only slightly mussed from Sylvain’s fingers. Mostly it looked good laying flat over his shoulders like that. Sylvain wondered how long Felix was going to let it get this time. He wanted to dig his hands in it and twist it around his fingers until he got lost in it.</p><p>“You’re so beautiful, Felix,” he said, unable to be anything but sincere, because he was exhausted from fucking up his sleep the last few days.</p><p>The barest hint of a flush appeared on Felix’s face and he shook his head at him before turning the tv off. “Come on,” he said, dragging Sylvain up off the couch.</p><p>Surprisingly, Felix didn’t start his nighttime routine the second they were in the bedroom. Instead he drew Sylvain down into a kiss, wrapping his arms around his waist and lifting himself up a bit to even out their height difference.</p><p>Sylvain chased Felix’s lips after he let go, sinking back onto his heels. He only succeeded in nuzzling his nose into Felix’s, which was also fine, if not the sexiest move.</p><p>“Why do you act drunk when you’re tired?” Felix asked, but it must’ve been rhetorical, because he was kissing Sylvain again before he could get an answer in. Felix’s fingers deftly slipped underneath Sylvain’s GMU T-shirt and skimmed up Sylvain’s side. His hands were chilly compared to Sylvain’s skin and it sent a trail of goosebumps everywhere they landed.</p><p>Felix’s fingers continued their path upwards, his palms resting on Sylvain’s shoulders for a moment before he pulled the shirt completely off over Sylvain’s head and tossed it to the floor. Sylvain mentally made a note to pick it up later, but at the moment was more interested in getting Felix as equally exposed.</p><p>When he went to grab at Felix’s shirt, Felix stopped him with a soft hand and a nip at his lip. “You wanted me to do the work,” he practically purred against Sylvian’s chin.</p><p>“Fuck,” Sylvain breathed. “Be my guest then.”</p><p>It was easier said than done. As tired as Sylvain was, all he wanted to do was undress Felix and tumble into bed to become a tangle of limbs—very long smooth limbs that probably still had bite marks from yesterday.</p><p>They wound up on the bed on their sides, Felix’s arms around Sylvain. “Are you spooning me to sleep?” he asked. “This is very comforting.”</p><p>“Do you want to sleep?” Felix asked into his ear.</p><p>“You going to redeem your hand job?” Sylvain asked as Felix’s fingers traversed the soft hair at the bottom of Sylvain’s stomach leading down.</p><p>“Stop talking,” Felix said.</p><p>“Bossy,” Sylvain said, unable to keep from grinning. He knew Felix could hear it in his voice even if he couldn’t see it. “Don’t remember you being that way yesterday.”</p><p>“You’re unbelievable,” Felix muttered.</p><p>“Mm, thank you,” Sylvain drawled. “Wasn’t expecting sweet-talk to go with my jerk-off.”</p><p>If there was a human version of a read receipt, Felix gave it to him by completely ignoring him. Instead he brushed his hand over Sylvain’s cock.</p><p>Sylvain leaned back against Felix’s chest as his hand wrapped around the length of his dick. Instead of squeezing, Felix pressed his palm onto the base of Sylvain’s cock—meanwhile his thumb worked up the length of it and started massaging the foreskin over the head in a way that sent sparks up and down Sylvain’s spine. Sylvain groaned and stretched, leaning back even more as Felix’s perfect hands continued their redemption story. His massage tactics shifted to all of his fingers, working in tandem with his thumb and rubbing against the sensitive line of skin leading to Sylvain’s balls.</p><p>“I’ll give this a five star review on the message boards,” Sylvain said, mostly even. He heard Felix’s frustrated breath in response and felt his frown on the back of his neck.</p><p>Determined however, Felix continued working Sylvain’s dick as well as he used to suture fruit and it became a challenge to keep taunting him. Felix’s free hand slipped down from Sylvain’s spine, lower, until it was between his asscheeks, cold viscous liquid coating the fingertip that circled around Sylvain’s rim before slipping inside.</p><p>Sylvain jerked a little in not unpleasant surprise and enjoyed Felix’s responding huffed, smug laugh.</p><p>“You know,” Sylvain said as Felix started working his fingers on both sides. “I usually have the courtesy to warm the lube up first.”</p><p>“Do you ever shut up?” Felix asked, shoving another finger in with less artful finesse.</p><p>Sylvain tried keeping his hips still but couldn’t help but buck into the manipulations. “You’re the one that chose this position. We could’ve—” He took a moment to breathe as Felix fingers were replaced by the head of his cock, stretching against the rim. “—we could’ve been face to face and you could’ve <em>made</em> me shut up.”</p><p>A kiss, fucking his throat again, there were many options.</p><p>Felix’s fingers tightened around his cock as he slid into Sylvain, creating a pressure on both sides that was the right kind of overwhelming. Felix rested his head on Sylvain’s shoulder. “Your face is distracting.”</p><p>“I’m going to take that as a compliment,” Sylvain said, the last word gasping out as Felix brought his other hand around, cupping underneath Sylvain’s balls. It was like Felix had him from every angle. Fuuuuuck.</p><p>“Stop talking,” Felix grunted. Prone on their sides, there wasn’t really enough leverage to really fuck, but Felix wriggled his hips in a way that hit perfectly every time he moved.</p><p>“Can’t,” Sylvain said, closing his eyes. “Your everything is distracting. Your perfect dick specifically—<em>fuck</em> Felix—I’m going to insult your hand jobs more often if this is what happens. Do they teach you this in PT?”</p><p>Felix huffed another laugh, slightly startled. “Do they teach us how to fuck in physical therapy?”</p><p>“Yeah, like—<em>fucking</em> <em>goddess</em> <em>above</em> that feels good—if someone gets into an accident and can’t give a hand job anymore or breaks their penis. Do you work them up to this?”</p><p>Felix’s forehead dug into Sylvain’s shoulder and he was shaking against him. It took Sylvain a second to realize Felix was choking on a laugh. “Shut <em>up</em>.”</p><p>“Can’t,” Sylvain said, unable to help himself. “I need to find out where you learned to do these filthy things with your hands. I know your cock is just like this, I’ve had enough experience examining it in many different capa—”</p><p>He smelled lube and himself as Felix covered his mouth with his hand. That seemed unfair, but it was also kind of hot. Sylvain shutting up did allow him to hear the soft panting grunts of Felix’s determined concentration to wring pleasured thrums of arousal directly out of Sylvain’s dick. It was effective too. It wasn’t long before Sylvain felt the electricity building up from his core and his brain went fuzzy around the edges.</p><p>Sleep deprivation, satisfaction, and the feel of Felix’s naked limbs tangled around his own drew Sylvain into the best sleep he’d had all week.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>It was barely another week before Felix stopped responding to midday texts and refused to let Sylvain pick him up from work. His hours started to verge into insanity and Sylvain’s latest attempt at initiating something had lead to Felix telling him to do whatever he wanted as long as he didn’t wake him up, which wasn’t as sexy as it had the potential to sound.</p><p>Sex got scheduled. It was a taunting little happy face on the cat calendar pinned to their fridge that felt like pity. It was hard for Sylvain to feel sexy and spontaneous when they marked out what day of the week they’d try to fuck—like they were a sad depressed couple that had been married for thirty years trying to make it work.</p><p>The smiley faces of the month got covered when a new month went up and Sylvain resisted the urge to tear the calendar down. It didn’t help that the weather was getting colder and Felix was always more physically affectionate when they slept—like he was trying to drain all the heat out of Sylvain’s body. So after a night of being cuddled by Felix, Sylvain was half-hard and bleary eyed every <em>what the fuck</em> o’clock in the morning Felix woke up for work.</p><p>“How long do fellowships last?” Sylvain asked one day early in the evening, while Felix covered a yawn with the back of his hand.</p><p>Felix stared at him for a while. “Mine you mean?”</p><p>Sylvain shrugged.</p><p>“At least a year. Hopefully longer if Dr. Casagranda wants me to work for her on the medical trial she’s developing.”</p><p>“<em>Great</em>,” Sylvain said, thinking of how many smiley faces that would be.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>The weather was chilly and so was Sylvain’s reception when he made the apparently grievous mistake of attempting to surprise Felix for lunch.</p><p>“What the hell, Sylvain?” Felix asked, lowering his voice to an angry hiss, so as not to upset the front desk assistant who clearly couldn’t give a rat’s ass about them. Felix looked incensed. “I’m at work.”</p><p>“I brought you lunch,” Sylvain said. He wasn’t getting it. This was a wild overreaction. “You eat lunch, right? Even while you’re at work.”</p><p>Sylvain hated the look Felix gave him. It was an incomprehensible mix of disgust and impatience. He’d seen it on plenty of not-Felix people before, most of all his father when he was particularly frustrated with his ‘behavior’.</p><p>“They pulled me out in the middle of a procedure,” Felix said, rather dramatically, considering Sylvain doubted he was actually assisting with it or that there wouldn’t be another one.</p><p>“I didn’t ask them to do that,” Sylvain said. This was going sideways. Why was it so fucking hard to do nice things? “I just—I brought you lunch.”</p><p>“I thought something was wrong, not you—” Felix gestured to all of Sylvain. Then he clenched his fists and turned around, leaving Sylvain standing there like an idiot, holding homemade Daphnel stew.</p><p>Felix refused to respond to any of his texts after that, so Sylvain got to (ironically) stew in it all day. It wasn’t like he’d known they were going to pull him out of something important. He would’ve waited. It wasn’t his fault Felix always thought interruptions were emergencies, because of the way he’d found out about Glenn’s accident. Besides he had years to get over it by now.</p><p>“I just want to spend time with you,” Sylvain said, when Felix finally got home. “I don’t think that’s a crime. Some people <em>enjoy</em> hanging out with their boyfriends.”</p><p>“I don’t… I don’t want to talk about this right now,” Felix said. He held his temple like Dimitri when he got a migraine.</p><p>“Fine,” Sylvain said. He gestured to the fridge. “The lunch you acted like was a chemical weapon is in there.”</p><p>“Sylvain—”</p><p>Sylvain didn’t want to hear it this time so he shot space aliens on his computer for the rest of the night. He stayed up late enough that he knew Felix would already be asleep by the time he went to bed.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>“I have Saturday off,” Felix said, breaking the terse silence of the last twenty-four hours.</p><p>Sylvain felt like being petty, but when he looked over Felix looked strained. He was working too many fucking hours. And Sylvain <em>hadn’t</em> meant to remind him of anything traumatic with a fucking lunch delivery, but it didn’t change the fact that he clearly had.</p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>“Yeah,” Felix said, his mouth twisting awkwardly. “Did you want to… go out?”</p><p>Sylvain couldn’t help his snort. “Are you asking me on a date?”</p><p>“Yes or no,” Felix said, resting his hands on his hips and looking off to the side, the twist in his mouth turning into a frown.</p><p>“This isn’t a very strong promposal,” Sylvain said—which made Felix look over at him and swat his arm, bringing some normalcy back to their interaction. Sylvain grabbed Felix’s hand and turned it over so he could kiss the center of his palm and then the delicate skin inside his wrist. “I would love to.”</p><p>Felix seemed to relax a little. Maybe they could put this one behind them.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Felix's contact name started as 'Sweetheart' but each time he complained it upped the sap-level out of spite. A few other contenders were 'Permanent Booty Call' and 'Schmoopsie Poodle' but I couldn't look at the last one without twitching. </p><p>I'm on @waffle_fancy at twitter! Kudos &amp; Comments super appreciated. If you feel like bumping the fic, this is the <a href="https://twitter.com/waffle_fancy/status/1315145940483809280">promo tweet</a>.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Tagged</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Felix and Sylvain have a nice date. </p><p>(or, pls why are you so horny)</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>another chapter brought to you by ordinary pancakes, thank you for all the kudos &amp; comments they are really appreciated</p><p>click the endnote for specific content warnings</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sylvain tried not to be impatient as he waited for Felix to finish up. It wasn’t usually like him to spend this much time getting ready, but apparently their hot date warranted more time in the bathroom than usual. It was already mid afternoon and all that had happened so far was Sylvain had woken up to fresh bagels and schmear and Felix did work on his tablet. Not a stunning start to the day, but not the worst.</p><p>When Felix finally came out of the bathroom, Sylvain wasn’t sure how to make his brain work. He had on a dark turtleneck, tight jeans, and his high boots. He was wearing his hair down, but it was parted differently which for some reason was making Sylvain insane. He’d seen Felix with his hair down plenty of times—they lived together—but something about it specifically for the purposes of going out was melting his brain cells.</p><p>“What?” Felix asked, frowning at him.</p><p>“You look good,” Sylvain said, purposefully leering.</p><p>“Shut up,” Felix replied, but Sylvain could tell he was pleased.</p><p>Felix wouldn’t let him drive because apparently it would ruin the surprise if Sylvain knew where they were going, so they took the train.Sylvain tried to alleviate his boredom as they moved from stop to stop by people watching and then eventually decided he just wanted to watch Felix and gave into the urge to play with the ends of his hair.</p><p>“Wherever we’re going I bet we could’ve been there by now if I’d driven.”</p><p>Felix shrugged, indifferent.</p><p>Sylvain tugged on his hair. “You’re really not going to tell me?”</p><p>“You’ll find out when we get there,” Felix said, moving Sylvain’s hand away from his hair.</p><p>“You’re making this very mysterious—have you bought me a pony?”</p><p>Felix was set on ignoring him for the rest of the train ride after that. He at least didn’t object when Sylvain leaned against him, so Sylvain played with his phone and rode out the boredom until they stopped somewhere deep in the busiest part of the city.</p><p>They haunted this part of town regularly in college and Sylvain was familiar with a lot of it, though not recently since it was a pain in the ass to get out here from Gideon. There were too many options as to where they could go, but Sylvain still ended up being surprised. The art museum was not something he would’ve suspected Felix picking out. If a museum was even on the table it was only the history museum, <em>if </em>it had a weaponry tour—generally less of a date and more of Sylvain sighing in the background as Dimitri, Felix, and Dimitri’s girlfriend gushed over ancient stabbing tools.</p><p>“Woah,” Sylvain said as they made their way to the front. “They have Curans?”</p><p>“It’s an exhibit for the next three weeks,” Felix said as they stood in line. He was watching Sylvain carefully. “Mercedes said you might like it, so I am assuming she was right.”</p><p>Sylvain was buzzing with the idea of seeing one of favorite artists. He hadn’t even thought about actually going out to see art since his pathetic attempt at an art history minor. The closest he’d gotten was when Ignatz was in town and let him see his sketches.</p><p>“When’d you talk to Mercedes?” Sylvain asked.</p><p>“She works out of the hospital sometimes,” Felix said.</p><p>Sylvain wondered if he’d had lunch with her, but managed to resist asking. It helped that looking at Felix was better than even seeing one of his favorite artists. Felix had tucked his hair behind one of his ears and it was going a little pink from the chill in the air. Sylvain smothered the urge to bite it—barely.</p><p>The museum was donation based and Felix grabbed Sylvain’s hand to keep him from putting money in, before doing it himself. Sylvain kept his grip on Felix’s hand when he started to let go—Felix let him, letting their hands intertwine and rest at their sides. He knew Felix wasn’t huge on PDA, so not having to tease and badger him into it was nice.</p><p>They walked around the museum hand in hand and Felix let Sylvain lead them, to wander aimlessly through the exhibits. He missed looking at art in person—there was so much more life to it than churning out spreadsheets and writing up reports. It was really thrilling how much a person could put into a few lines, a few brushstrokes, or even the absence of them.</p><p>When they finally got to the Curan section, Sylvain couldn’t help geek out a bit. “I <em>love</em> this one,” he told Felix, staring at the painting of Lake Teutates. “See it’s supposed to be a landscape, where you can see the lake rising out of the fog, but the way the light hits different areas really relates to what the artist was going through when he painted it. It’s like you can sense the feel of rising out of a depression and having hope on the horizon, but still having that empty stretch of water that could be beautiful or you could get lost in.”</p><p>Sylvain realized he’d rambled and glanced back to see how bored Felix was. He had his phone out, so probably very.</p><p>“Or it’s just a lake,” Sylvain said. Then he noticed what Felix was using his phone for and his heart flipped in his chest. “Did you just take a picture of me and make it your lockscreen? Did I finally outrank Annette’s cat?”</p><p>Felix slipped his phone back into his jeans. “And?”</p><p>Sylvain grinned and kissed him, getting pushed off almost immediately afterwards. “We’re at a museum,” Felix said, face red.</p><p>“Will you let me be obnoxious and take a picture of us for Indechgram?” Sylvain asked.</p><p>Felix sighed deeply and shrugged an assent. Sylvain tried to do a selfie of the both of them and get the Curan in the background, but the angle didn’t come out right and after too much fidgeting Felix gave an exasperated sigh and then left him to go ask someone to take the picture. That did leave Sylvain free to wrap an arm around Felix as the nice museum attendant took several shots of them.</p><p>“Make sure to tag us,” she said, handing Sylvain his phone back with a grin.</p><p>Sylvain winked at her and leaned towards Felix as she walked away. “She thinks we’re cute.”</p><p>“You’re insufferable,” Felix muttered, face pink and flushed from embarrassment at the attention. He took Sylvain’s hand again and they walked further down the exhibit.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>By the time they got through the entire museum, Sylvain was starving. Felix had also planned this part of their date, which smartly was a bar only a few blocks away. Sylvain realized which bar it was before they even got close enough to see the sign.</p><p>“I haven’t been here in forever,” Sylvain said with a laugh. The place looked exactly the same—mismatched chairs, disturbingly uneven booth placement, and a low stage where musicians (usually jazz) played all night.</p><p>“It’s near the museum,” Felix said. He looked a little… nervous maybe. At least unsure. He wasn’t very clear to read right now, but either way Sylvain wasn’t sure why he’d feel like that.</p><p>Sylvain leaned over to kiss him on the forehead. “Consider me swept off my feet, Fe.”</p><p>“Good,” was all Felix said before they went to get seated. It wasn’t crowded, but it was full enough that Sylvain wasn’t worried the place would be closed the next time he felt like eating here.</p><p>Felix was a little smug as Sylvain ordered drinks. “What is that face for?” Sylvain asked.</p><p>“You couldn’t drink if you’d driven.”</p><p>Fair enough, but even tipsy the ride back adding at least an hour to their trip didn’t seem like fun.“We could do a ride share on the way back,” Sylvain suggested.</p><p>“It’s a waste of money,” Felix scoffed.</p><p>“<em>I’ll</em> pay for it.” Sylvain said it without thinking it’d hit a sore sport, but then Felix shifted in his seat a little and glanced at the musicians setting up. Vaguely he remembered one of their arguments and saying something about Felix’s share of the bills.</p><p>It wasn’t like Felix didn’t grow up with money. The Fraldariuses were richer than the Gautiers in a lot of ways. After Rodrigue used up most of their savings and company shares trying to pay for expensive experimental medical treatments that didn’t end up working for Felix’s mom, Felix had shifted to Ingrid’s side of the thrifting fence. He was about as obnoxiously stubborn about accepting help about it too.</p><p>“You want to split one of those fancy meat platters?” Sylvain asked trying to get the evening back into the nice fun romantic mood they’d been in.</p><p>“I know you know it’s called a charcuterie board,” Felix said, dryly.</p><p>“Shark cutie board, right,” Sylvain said and laughed at Felix’s reaction. Before Sylvain could annoy him further, the waiter came back with their drinks. Sylvain’s ale was light and airy, with froth that smelled like fruit—and Felix’s drink was basically straight bourbon. Drunk Felix was a rarity, but the possibility of his appearance tonight made Sylvain a little giddy.</p><p>“That could be your next phone name,” Sylvain suggested and Felix slid near enough to kick him under the table. It put him close enough to grab and Sylvain dragged him closer, putting an arm around his shoulders and wishing he could see the extent of blush on his face—the lighting was too dive-bar to show.</p><p>“Thank you for today, shark cutie,” Sylvain said, kissing Felix’s temple.</p><p>Felix went for his drink. “Thank me by never calling me that again.”</p><p>Sylvain had plenty of other options to go with, so that wasn’t a high ask. “Felix,” he started, not wanting to ruin the mood, but unable to stop thinking about it since phones were brought up. “Is there a reason you stopped texting me back at work?”</p><p>Felix’s brow furrowed at him and then seemed to even out in understanding. He turned towards his drink, his finger tapping the edge of the glass. “I need to think about work while I’m at work; it was going off all day and distracting me.”</p><p>“You could check it on breaks,” Sylvain suggested. If he didn’t see Felix he could at least get thrown a bone with the occasional ‘read message’ insult.</p><p>Felix was silent for a long minute and then quietly said, “Dad’s been texting me about Glenn. I have to see those too when I check. I’m not… ignoring you, or whatever you’re thinking.”</p><p>“Oh,” Sylvain said. It was probably really bad to feel relieved in this situation. “That… still not going well then?”</p><p>“I don’t know,” Felix said. He sipped at his drink. “I’m not… I hate being in the middle of it. They’re both being stupid.”</p><p>“Huh, that’s what Glenn used to say when you and Dimitri would argue,” Sylvain said, and smiled at the withering look Felix shot in his direction.</p><p>“He moved out,” Felix said. It took Sylvain a moment to realize he meant Glenn and not Dimitri. “The old man’s freaking out about it.”</p><p>“Where’s he living?” Sylvain asked.</p><p>“I don’t know. He’s being cagey when I ask him. I think he’s couch hopping, but he won’t admit it.” Felix sighed sipped more of his drink and then leaned back against Sylvain’s arm. “This music’s not bad.”</p><p>The subject change wasn’t even remotely subtle, but Sylvain let him have it. The music was nice. There was a sultry duo singing out a mix of classic and post-modern and a person with a very large hat and sunglasses playing the bass like they were dancing with it.</p><p>The waiter was much better at refiling drinks than getting their food order (one of the things college Sylvain loved about this place), so Sylvain was a little tipsy by the time they had anything to eat. Felix left for the restroom to break the seal like a novice, so Sylvain took the opportunity to update Indechgram with their museum couple shot. He smiled at it and because he knew Felix never checked his own (he probably wouldn’t even <em>have</em> one if Sylvain and Annette hadn’t made him) felt very comfortable writing a ridiculously sappy tagline—but not going overboard to infuriate his #boyfriend. He went to tag Felix and because he was bored with five seconds to himself, Sylvain clicked on Felix’s name to see if a miracle had happened and he’d uploaded any new photos that Sylvain had somehow missed.</p><p>He hadn’t, but he was in a few. Tagged scowling in some falafel place, food halfway to his mouth, while Annette beamed at the camera next to her green haired girlfriend that Sylvain kept calling fish girl.</p><p>Sylvain snorted and then blinked as he saw the next few pictures. Felix was tagged in the background of a chain restaurant (that he hated) near the hospital. There were other attractive people in scrubs drinking and laughing and Felix had a tight but real smile on his face. It was from a couple of weeks ago.</p><p>He clicked on the person who’d posted the picture and hoped there was a picture of them married with a dog and not more of Felix smiling and actually <em>out</em>.</p><p>“There’s a painting of a llama marrying a manatee in the bathroom,” Felix said, making Sylvain realize he’d walked back to the table.</p><p>Sylvain held his phone for a moment then shut it off and slipped it back into his pocket. He made his smile easy as Felix slid back into the booth, close enough to regain his spot under Sylvain’s arm. “Would you have preferred it was two llamas getting married?”</p><p>Felix made a face at that and reached for his drink. “Maybe. This place is weird.”</p><p>“Part of its charm,” Sylvain said smoothly, then finished off his drink. “At least they weren’t fucking.”</p><p>“You have problems,” Felix said, smiling a little.</p><p>Sylvain tried not to mentally compare the way Felix was smiling in the picture.</p><p>“Part of <em>my</em> charm.” He waved their waiter down for another drink.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Their booth wasn’t well-lit, the music was loud but soothing, and Felix’s jeans were very tight. It was only a matter of time before Sylvain gave into the urge to press Felix back into the booth and lay claim to his mouth. He tasted like bourbon and the faint cherry mixer thrown in for show. Sylvain felt a little desperate as he ran his hand up and down Felix’s thigh and kissed Felix deeper. Little barely contained whimpers were swallowed as Sylvain decided breathing was overrated and Felix squirmed in the booth, his hands pushing against Sylvain’s chest in weak protest.</p><p>Sylvain palmed Felix over his jeans, rousing the half-hardness to get full. He wanted to see if the zipper burst open when Felix got all the way there.</p><p>Felix let out a gasping breath as Sylvain released his mouth for a moment and turned away when Sylvain tried to catch it again.</p><p>“We’re in public,” Felix said, breathless.</p><p>“You don’t want to show off a little?” Sylvain asked, tugging Felix’s turtleneck down so he could mouth at the spot on his neck right below the sharpest part of his jaw. “Make the manatee jealous?”</p><p>“Sylvain, stop—we’re—ah, <em>ahh </em>hnnhg—” Felix reached for Sylvain’s hand, rubbing concentric circles into his crotch and tried to pull it off. “We’re going to get kicked out!”</p><p>“So?”</p><p>Felix stared at him, uncomprehending. “You <em>like</em> this place.” </p><p>“I like you more,” Sylvain said, he moved forward again and Felix turned away from him. “Fine,” Sylvain said.</p><p>Felix turned back towards him, maybe apologetic. “I’m not s—”</p><p>Sylvain didn’t let him finish, he grabbed Felix’s wrist and tugged him up and out of the booth. Felix fumbled with his wallet and threw probably too much cash on the table, before Sylvain could drag him too far away to do so. Sweet of him to think of the bill at a time like this, but that also meant he wasn’t distracted enough.</p><p>The air was bracing once Sylvain dragged Felix outside. He saw it in the way Felix snapped his mouth shut and stiffened. “Sylvain—”</p><p>“Let’s get out of the wind,” Sylvain said, like it was a suggestion—he was already pulling Felix towards the alley. There was a bricked wall that led down to dumpsters and an employee entrance. He crowded Felix back into the wall, leaning down and brushing his lips against Felix’s nose as he thumbed at his belt loops. “Any more objections?”</p><p>Felix looked a little overwhelmed as he looked up at Sylvain. He fluttered his eyelashes and his lips parted. “It’s cold.”</p><p>“Let me warm you up then, baby,” Sylvain said and picked up where he left off at the bar.</p><p>Felix let out the world’s most perfect little sigh before Sylvain crashed into his mouth again. He melted, fisting Sylvain’s shirt while he opened up to every exploration of Sylvain’s teeth and tongue.</p><p>Sylvain’s hands wandered to Felix’s ass—he gripped, squeezing hard enough that Felix’s hips bucked and then moved to paw at his thighs. Felix went with the lead more than Sylvain was expecting—one of his legs lifting high enough that his knee was resting on Sylvain’s hip. It gave a much better angle to grind against each other.</p><p>Outside was the superior choice, Sylvain thought as he lifted Felix up by his thighs. He walked a step forward so Felix was sandwiched between him and the wall and seized his lips again.</p><p>Felix was elastic, lifting his legs and wrapping them around Sylvain’s waist—tight enough he probably could support himself even without Sylvain or the wall. His fingers went for Sylvain’s hair as he bit back in retaliation against Sylvain’s profane kissing.</p><p>Every dry jerk of Sylvain’s hips scraped Felix’s back against the brick wall, and it only seemed to egg him on more as he curled into Sylvian’s grip and panted Sylvain’s name once his lips were allowed a break. </p><p>It wasn’t enough.</p><p>“I need to fuck you,” Sylvain heard himself say, deep into the curve of Felix’s throat, annoyingly covered by fabric.</p><p>Felix heard him, however, judging by the way his fingers tightened in Sylvain’s hair and the pitched whine that escaped from that covered throat.</p><p>It was unbearable. Sylvain couldn’t seem to think about anything else as he clutched the tensed muscles of Felix’s thighs, straining against the tight fit of his jeans. “Wanna fill you up,” Sylvain said, kissing up Felix’s jaw and pressing him even harder against the wall. “Fuck you so hard that you feel me in your throat. Can’t walk straight for a day.”</p><p>“Fuck,” Felix said, his fingers so tight in Sylvain’s hair it felt like he was going to rip it out at the roots. His body angled, almost on instinct, arching his back and positioning himself so that the painfully tight lump in Sylvain’s jeans was rubbing raw against the fabric covering Felix’s ass.</p><p>“I would’ve had you in the booth,” Sylvain said, jerking his hips up, angry that it wasn’t skin to skin, that he wasn’t actually fucking Felix into the wall. “Would’ve fucked you over the table, drawn out those messy moans you try to hide—let everyone know who you belong to.”</p><p>“Saint fucking Seiros, Sylvain,” Felix said—there was a mix of emotions strangling his voice, but the more important response were the way his hips were wrenching forward.</p><p>Sylvain let the wall hold up Felix’s weight as he went for the fly on his jeans. He only got Felix’s pants down two inches before there was a fist slamming into Sylvain’s shoulder and a hissing sound in his ear.</p><p>“What?” Sylvain asked. His voice was rougher than normal, clawing out of his throat, and his fingers tightened where they still held Felix’s slightly bared hips.</p><p>“It’s <em>freezing</em>,” Felix said. And then added, “And we’re—we’re in public.”</p><p>The small bit of skin that had been revealed did feel a little cooler than normal. Sylvain took a deep breath and stepped back so that Felix could unlock his legs and land on the ground. He immediately adjusted himself in his pants, muttering grumbled swearing complaints that Sylvain ignored as he ordered the fastest ride share he could find.</p><p>The drive was unbearable. Sylvain wasn’t sure he’d ever been this hard in his life—he was surprised his own zipper hadn’t popped yet. Felix had warned him off trying anything in the backseat, so Sylvain settled for keeping a tight hand on his thigh—squeezing it every few minutes to remind Felix he was there and feel the way he squirmed and sharply breathed in.</p><p>The stairway was empty at their complex, but Sylvain wasn’t sure he would’ve cared if it was filled with people. He was on Felix again almost immediately, turning him around towards the stairs, letting him hold his weight on a higher step while Sylvian dragged him backwards by his hips.</p><p>“Syl—the aparmt—fuck—the—it’s <em>three</em> floors!”</p><p>Sylvain leaned over him, the angle of the stairs making it easy to cover Felix completely. His hair was loose and wild, mussed from the bar, the wind, and now Sylvain pressing his nose into it to smell the scent of Felix’s shampoo. “You don’t think the neighbors haven’t already heard the way you scream?”</p><p>“I do <em>not</em>—I don’t scream,” Felix said, unevenly. He pushed himself by his arms so they were standing again and stared at Sylvain from a higher step. His face was flushed and his eyes were dangerously sharp. “Three. Floors,” he repeated.</p><p>Sylvain hated stairs. He hated their landlord who refused to fix the elevator. He hated every single fucking second of trying to rush his way up three flights, trailing after Felix.</p><p>The door barely shut before Felix was on Sylvain, yanking his jacket off and going for his jeans next. Stairs left his mind completely and Sylvain did the same. They both frantically pulled at each other’s clothes in the entryway until only enough was off to free enough skin to rut against each other, with abandon.</p><p>Felix groaned, back to the floor, his fingers threading through Sylvain’s hair and tightening like they had outside. Sylvain wanted to imagine they still were there—still up against that wall, Felix his back to that brick, chafing scratches he would feel for days.</p><p>“Sylv—ain, fuck—ple<em>as</em>e,” Felix whined as Sylvain’s hand wrapped around his cock.</p><p>With his other hand, Sylvain tugged Felix’s jeans down, farther past his hips and down to his thighs. Then pushed his legs up so that they were flush against Felix’s stomach and chest. “Hold them,” Sylvain said, pulling Felix’s hands away from his hair and moving them where he wanted.</p><p>His fingers were still touching the part of Felix’s thighs that were bare and every time Sylvain tightened his grip, Felix made this perfect wrecked little whine. Sylvain thought quick. They were nearest to the kitchen—he started to get up to make a run at the oil in the pantry, but Felix’s ankles hooked around his neck. “Fuck the lube—just do it.”</p><p>A flare of something hot and wild rose in Sylvain’s chest and he savaged Felix’s mouth again—he kissed him hard and fast until he was aching for it, desperate little noises bleating out between each breath. Sylvain replaced his teeth and tongue with two fingers, pushing them against Felix’s lower lip. Felix opened his mouth, enveloping Sylvain’s fingers—a wet surrender impossible to look away from, all the while staring up at Sylvain, perforating him with his sharp focus.</p><p>Felix held his own legs tighter, trembling as Sylvain brought the spit soaked fingers down. He thrust them in and Felix’s teeth practically pierced his lip as he tried to hold back and swallow his sound. It felt like a goal post—Sylvain needed to get farther so he angled his fingers at the rough and well loved patch of skin inside. He rubbed against it until Felix threw his head to the side, biting down hard enough that his lip was bleeding.</p><p>Sylvain suddenly had to taste it. He used his free hand to grasp Felix’s chin, turn his head so he could lick around and into Felix’s mouth, tasting copper and Felix. It was always the best thing he’d ever tasted. He wanted to consume every piece of Felix and never feel anything else on his tongue.</p><p>Felix let out a stuttered gasp when Sylvain replaced his fingers with his dick. The stretch and feel was different with the only glide of spit and pre-come. There was something otherworldly about having absolutely <em>nothing</em> between them.</p><p>He went deeper—Felix’s hole felt like it had turned into a vice, trying to swallow Sylvain’s dick like he had his fingers. “You always take me so well, Fe,” Sylvain growled.</p><p>“Fuck,” Felix breathed. His hands still trembled where they held his thighs and he turned his head again to the side, shutting his eyes tightly. </p><p>“You would’ve taken me well in the alley,” Sylvain grunted, bottoming out. “Would’ve taken me well on the stairs—you’re—you’re <em>made</em> for me.”</p><p>Felix made a noise that wasn’t quite a word, sobbed out as he lifted his hips up to meet Sylvain’s own. Felix’s hips were works of art, they were sharp, angled, and fit Sylvain’s fingers perfectly as he squeezed so tightly he knew he’d leave marks. He held Felix like that, keeping him in place, while he fucked steady and unrelenting.</p><p>“You can let go, baby,” Sylvain breathed on a particularly hard thrust that had Felix shaking and biting down on his already wounded lip.</p><p>Felix dropped his hands from his legs. Almost immediately both his ankles and fingers were around Sylvain’s neck trying to pull him closer. It wasn’t even possible to get closer but it felt like fire that they both wanted to try.</p><p>Felix cried out Sylvain’s name again and again, trying to smoother the sound in anything he could get near. His own arm, Sylvain’s shoulder, his mouth.</p><p>Sylvain didn’t only need the sound. He needed to make Felix scream. He set a punishing pace—drawing on his frustrated feelings of seeing that damn photo to keep to it. He pulled Felix closer each thrust—filling him up like he said he would—summoning louder and louder wails from Felix, the deeper he went.</p><p>“Please,” Felix sobbed, digging his fingers into Sylvain’s scalp. “Fuck—Syl—I need…please fuck—”</p><p>“Come on,” Sylvain growled. He snapped Felix’s hips towards him, angling to hit the spot that made Felix incoherent. “Come on, baby. You can come from this, right? Just on my cock. You can scream and let everyone in the building know how much you wanted this—”</p><p>Felix choked on a howl that was loud enough to be a scream as he came—his hips stuttered forward while ropes of come decorated them both.</p><p>Satisfied, Sylvain was mindless as he kept going, working himself up so when he came he was buried deep.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>It took them a solid ten minutes to make it anywhere near off the floor. The best either of them could manage was moving towards the carpet, still mostly prone. Felix was lying on his stomach, breathing like he’d run a marathon. There were scratches and developing bruises from the wall (and Sylvain) painting the canvas of his back, still mostly uncovered.</p><p>“I guess you liked the date,” Felix murmured.</p><p>Sylvain couldn’t even remember the date. All he’d been thinking about was Felix and needing to have all of him. He pushed whatever <em>that</em> was down, and moved some of Felix’s hair aside to see his face better. “You’re fucking perfect, you know that?”</p><p>Felix snorted his disbelief. His lips were raw and sore. He looked <em>used</em>. Felix was going to be a mess when he went to work. Sylvain’s lips and dick twitched thinking about it.</p><p>Another moment or two of heavy breathing and Felix pushed up to a sitting position, wincing as he did so. “Fuck,” he said.</p><p>“We did,” Sylvain said, automatic—but his lips were twitching down now. That had been… mind-blowing but he also hadn’t really been thinking straight—it was all passion and ardor when they were fucking angry… or when Sylvain was angry. Felix wasn’t angry, which seemed to throw the whole thing off its sides and made a sick feeling curl in Sylvain’s gut.</p><p>“Are you okay?” Sylvain asked.</p><p><em>Did</em> <em>I hurt you</em>? was what he wanted to ask, but that answer was fairly obvious. The real question was did Felix actually like it or was that the fugue state of sex Sylvain’s brain had been in, overriding what Felix wanted.</p><p>“Yeah,” Felix said with a nod. He pushed his hair behind his ears and a flush started to return to his face. “Dick so far up I can feel it in my throat,” he muttered, before glancing sideways at Sylvain. “You’re—what <em>was</em> that?”</p><p>“Dirty talk,” Sylvain said. His legs tried to give out when he rolled up to his feet, but he saved himself from falling on his ass. Once he got his balance he was able to lift Felix up to standing and help him out of his jeans, still tucked around his ankles. “Did it bother you?”</p><p>Felix looked up at Sylvain, frowning up at him in some kind of assessment. Whatever he could read on Sylvain’s face had him smiling and smoothing out Sylvain’s hair in an affectionate gesture he wasn’t sure he deserved. “Don’t ever try to fuck me on the stairs again, but everything else was fine.”</p><p>“So the alley is still on the table—not to mention the table on the table?” Sylvain asked, feeling his grin return.</p><p>Felix’s backhanded smack to his chest was weaker than normal. “I feel like I need a sports drink—fucking <em>hell</em>, Sylvain.”</p><p>“I think I fucked heaven actually,” Sylvain said. He was pretty sure if Felix didn’t need his help, he would’ve walked off after that based on the look he shot him.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Sylvain woke up with Felix still wrapped around him, which was—he glanced at the clock—out of the norm. “Sign of life, Fe?” Sylvain asked quietly.</p><p>A grumbled tired, “Mrrgh,” was all Felix gave him. He pushed his head further into the crook of Sylvain’s neck. His hair was clearly tangled and Sylvain thought he never looked better.</p><p>“Playing hooky from work?” Sylvain asked, feeling a little giddy about the possibility.</p><p>“Called in sick, stop talking.” Felix emphasized this last part by swatting Sylvain’s mouth with a limp hand. Sylvain caught it, kissed his fingers and pulled Felix in tighter, happy to sleep in.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Felix eventually made his way from the bed to the couch—though his stance on attaching himself to Sylvain like velcro hadn’t changed (and Sylvain wasn’t complaining). He only took a temporary break to make breakfast, mostly because Felix looked hungover. Even though Sylvain was pretty sure he wasn’t.</p><p>“If you’re going to keep looking that smug there better be bacon,” Felix threatened, narrowing his eyes at him.</p><p>Sylvain handed Felix the plate of mostly eggs, rashers, and sausage (with two pieces of toast for variety) and sat back down on the couch. Felix was ravenous and watching him eat reminded Sylvain of the way he took his fingers into his mouth. He had to shift in his seat.</p><p>“Are you getting turned on by me eating or my exhaustion?”</p><p>“Yes,” Sylvain said, grinning at Felix’s glower.</p><p>Once he was done eating, for as cranky as he was pretending to be, Felix leaned against Sylvain’s shoulder and wrapped himself around Sylvain’s arm. It was (with a bit of an improvement) like their normal Sundays before everything started changing.</p><p>Sylvain brushed his lips against the top of Felix’s head. “You wanna watch anything, sweetheart?”</p><p>“Nothing I have to pay much attention to,” Felix murmured.</p><p>That worked out pretty well, because Sylvain mostly wanted to pay attention to Felix, so the pseudo documentary on debate teams went mostly ignored by both of them for the next few hours.</p><p>Felix’s lazy predilections could only last so long, so once he’d gotten some energy back he was stretching in only moderately distracting ways. He cracked something near his neck and let out a blissful sigh of relief before glancing Sylvain’s way.</p><p>“Do you remember where I put my phone last night?”</p><p>Sylvain stared at him. “Didn’t you call in sick?”</p><p>“Yeah, I used yours,” Felix replied, easily.</p><p>It was completely irrational, the stab of panic that Sylvain experienced—it wasn’t like Felix would open Indechgram and see the profile Sylvain had been glaring at the night before. He made himself smile, easy.</p><p>“If it was in your jacket, it’s by the door. If it was in your pants it probably slid under the couch.”</p><p>Felix looked at the couch with a mournful expression, probably at the idea of bending over. Sylvain waved him off and looked underneath it, making a note to dust later. He grabbed it as soon as he found it. Sylvain <em>almost</em> resisted the urge to look at the messages that flashed on the screen when he hit the wake button by mistake.</p><p>“Who’s Emile?” Sylvain asked, trying to sound casual as he handed the phone to Felix.</p><p>“Mercedes’s brother,” Felix said and glanced at the messages, frowning as he scrolled. “Fuck’s sake, Dimtiri—just send me a novel, it’d be shorter.”</p><p>“You know what he’s like,” Sylvain said, offhand, easy, like he didn’t actually want to say the next part first, “I didn’t know Mercie had a brother.”</p><p>“Mm yeah, half brother, I guess.” Felix was still engrossed with his phone and whatever stream of messages he’d gotten. “They reconnected recently or something. He was hanging out with her at the hospital when we ran into each other.”</p><p>“Must’ve hit it off if you exchanged numbers,” Sylvain said.</p><p>He did not say it casually enough because Felix cocked an eyebrow and looked up from where he’d probably been composing a response to Dimitri. “Are you jealous?”</p><p>“No,” Sylvain said. “I don’t get jealous.” He used to <em>hate</em> when people got jealous when he dated them. It didn’t matter if he was <em>technically</em> cheating on them; it was still suffocating. “Just… want to know who you’re hanging out with lately, I guess.”</p><p>Felix kept giving him a strange look, but then his phone dinged and he stared down at it, before seeming to turn it off completely. Maybe he really did hate texting that much.</p><p>“We haven’t hung out much,” Felix said, putting his phone on the counter, before leaning back on it, “but she said he was thinking about moving near here. He’s… kind of strange, but seems all right.”</p><p>“Anyone else you’re… hanging out with?” Sylvain asked, awkwardly and unlike him. He tried to salvage it into something less odd. “Making any friends on your new team?”</p><p>Felix seemed to think about it for a moment. “Maybe. Rowe seems okay, but he’s also competition.”</p><p>Sylvain smothered his worse impulses and didn’t wonder if he was also competition for Sylvain. “What does that look like?”</p><p>Felix’s posture seemed to ease and his expression practically lit up enough to encase the room. “Dr. Casagranda has a huge whiteboard where she marks tallies on who is her favorite fellow for the day based on what scut work we do.”</p><p>Sylvain couldn’t help the chuckle. “I’m assuming you’re at the top based on your face.”</p><p>“Usually,” Felix said, with a smirk and a shrugged shoulder. “There’s a couple of other fellows that are also competition, but I think I’m impressing her.” He ran his hands through his hair like he was tying it back but didn’t have anything to tie it with so just let it cascade down again and then tucked it behind his ears.</p><p>Sylvain was trying to figure out a way—without sounding incredibly random—to ask when Felix had clearly gone out for drinks with his fellows (including the one who tagged him in the picture), when Felix’s phone buzzed.</p><p>“Fuck,” Felix muttered and picked it up. “Thought I turned this off.” He stared down at the phone and the enthusiasm from a few seconds prior slowly leaked off his face. “I have to deal with this,” he said, and answered his phone. “What.”</p><p>Felix pushed himself up off the counter as a mumbled but familiar voice came out of the receiver and started walking towards the bedroom.</p><p>“Stop answering his calls then,” Felix was saying to Dimitri before the door shut behind him.</p><p>Sylvain stared at the door for a few long seconds. Then he gave into the urge and pulled up his Indechgram to see if Felix was tagged in any more pictures.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>possessive/controlling tendencies; mention of parental death through illness; like the teeniest bloodplay; alcohol</p><p>I commissioned some art of the wall smooch scene, you can see its glory <a href="https://twitter.com/boisteruse/status/1340891412817195010">here</a>!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Shoes</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Sylvain enjoys the closeness to Felix that starts to come with winter, when Felix's job picks up again.</p><p>(or, sylvain gets a very bad idea)</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This was supposed to be like three chapters. Anyway, no content warnings for this one.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Ahh,” Sylvain said, breathing in the icy air. “Winter.”</p><p>Felix muttered something from where he was trying to burrow his way into Sylvain’s jacket It sounded suspiciously like <em>Freak</em>.</p><p>Sylvain chuckled and wrapped his arms around Felix as they waited for the line to finally wind its way inside. The shivering stopped and Felix seemed to relax a little as Sylvain held him closer. Sylvain really loved winter.</p><p>“We could go home if you’re that cold,” Sylvain said.</p><p>“No,” Felix said, only slightly less muffled. “We’re already here.”</p><p>“Stunning logic, Snugglekins.” Sylvain really should have expected that Felix was going to kick him in the shin for that one. He hissed out a pain-tinged laugh and then saw a familiar face coming towards them.</p><p>“Sylvain?” Ingrid was better suited to the cold than most people, especially her girlfriend judging by how many layers of scarf Dorothea had on. “Hi!” She came to hug him and then noticed Felix shoving against Sylvain’s collarbone and laughed. “Felix.”</p><p>“Mmph,” Felix said, refusing to budge.</p><p>“Cannot blame him,” Dorothea said, rubbing her gloved hands over her arms. She glanced up at Sylvain. “This is the only time you’ve ever looked attractive to me.”</p><p>Sylvain winked at her on instinct.</p><p>“It’s rather inclement isn’t it,” said a third that Sylvain hadn’t noticed because she was standing behind Dorothea. Dimitri’s stepsister still had the same impressively large regal airs for someone her stature.</p><p>“Please,” Ingrid said, looking up at him, “defend Faerghus, I’m outnumbered.”</p><p>Sylvain made a valiant attempt to do so, but he was also outnumbered since Felix refused to chime in, only removing his nose from Sylvain’s collarbone once they were close enough to actually stand in the inside line.</p><p>Dorothea made a delighted noise the second there was indoor heating and unwound part of her never-ending scarf. “This food better be worth it.”</p><p>“At this point we’ve waited long enough, I don’t think it will much matter,” Edelgard said, her lips quirking slightly.</p><p>“So, uh,” Sylvain started, trying to fluff the conversation. “What brings you girls all the way out here?”</p><p>“Edie is visiting for Dimitri’s birthday,” Dorothea said, with a smile. “Begged her to come a little early so I could also get my fix.”</p><p>Sylvain nodded. Edelgard wasn’t paying much attention, she was frowning at something on her phone and making a tsking noise. When Sylvain glanced at the screen it looked like some kind of competitive word game. Whoever she was playing had just put down ‘supercilious’ which seemed hard to beat.</p><p>“You know, Felix,” Dorothea said, far too smoothly. “The newest production could use a hand or two if you’re interested.”</p><p>“Nice try,” Felix said, he was looking at Ingrid who was already drooling over the menu board. “I’m too busy to volunteer free labor.”</p><p>“Oh right,” Dorothea said, smiling. “The Fellowship, I think Ingrid mentioned something about it. Congratulations.”</p><p>Felix shrugged his shoulders, but he had a small pleased smile on his face. Sylvain walked towards Ingrid to look at the menu while they chatted up about Felix’s new work responsibilities.</p><p>“How’s horsing around?” Sylvain asked, never tired of that joke.</p><p>Ingrid looked back and up at him. “You’d know if you came out to visit once and a while.”</p><p>“Ingrid, it’s like two hours,” Sylvain said.</p><p>Ingrid had pretty much moved as close to the wilderness as someone could get without leaving Faerghus completely. She’d taken over a crumbling equine rehabilitation center and revitalized it. Seemed like everyone Sylvain knew found a way to achieve their dreams. Even Dorothea—doing any acting or singing work she could get between waitressing and other part-time work—was still doing theatre.</p><p>“You’re coming to Dimitri’s birthday, right?”</p><p>“Like I could get out of it,” Sylvain said, only half joking. He’d fallen even more out of touch with Dimitri after he’d moved to Charon, wanting to be closer to the University where his girlfriend worked. It was so much easier when everyone was nearby, but after university they’d all spread out like a starfish. He was lucky his starfish-limb also included Felix.</p><p>Ingrid turned her head to get a proper angle and eye him suspiciously. She knew him too well. Thankfully, the line started moving again and they were actually able to sign up for a table, so Ingrid was distracted by the prospect of food.</p><p>They did end up eating together. It wasn’t as horrible as Sylvain was expecting. Dorothea was always easy to talk to and Ingrid was Ingrid. Edelgard spent most of the time listening and observing—which was frankly creepy—or glancing down at her phone whenever it buzzed.</p><p>“It’s absurd,” Dorothea said, waving off the praise that Ingrid had been laying on thicker than she’d spread honey-whipped butter over her fifth piece of toast. “I only say a few words and wave at the camera.”</p><p>“You’re still in a <em>commercial</em>,” Ingrid said, ready to break the pompoms out again.</p><p>“You should be proud of your accomplishment, Dorothea. Commercials are more stable than many other acting opportunities,” Edelgard said. “The residuals must be fairly consistent based on how many times I’ve seen it play.”</p><p>Dorothea smiled a little and brushed her long hair over her shoulder, accepting that praise. “I must admit that it has been nice to focus fully on the children’s theatre.” She made a face. “Now that I no longer need to bartend or wait tables, <em>ugh</em>.” </p><p>“You and Ingrid are really achieving your dreams, huh?” Sylvain didn’t need the answer to that one. It was pretty obvious almost everyone but him wasn’t in a slippery slide to nowhere. Even Dimitri working a soul sucking corporate job too had at least the pathway to success since he was being groomed to inherit the company.</p><p>“My name isn’t in lights, but it’s not bad,” Dorothea admitted. “How’s your career going?”</p><p>And the question he didn’t want. He shrugged. “Well enough to pay for brunch. This is my treat.”</p><p>“Sylvain…” Ingrid started but Dorothea waved her off.</p><p>“Let him treat, he certainly owes it to us.”</p><p>“What did I ever do to you?” Sylvain asked, exaggerating his confusion.</p><p>“Womenkind in general,” Dorothea said and then smiled at Felix. “Thankfully, you’ve tamed.”</p><p>“Debatable,” Felix said, dryly, causing Ingrid to almost snort her orange juice out of her nose.</p><p>“More like put in a nature reserve,” Sylvain said, throwing an arm over Felix who shot him an inscrutable look. “Still wild, occasionally tranquilized for exams.”</p><p>“That is <em>not</em> how that works,” Ingrid said.</p><p>Before Sylvain could continue to egg her on, Edelgard suddenly said, “Take that, you overconfident solipsist!” She realized eyes had turned to her and glanced upwards from her phone. “I apologize. I was caught up in… messaging my fiancé.”</p><p>“Huh,” Sylvain said, jostling Felix’s shoulder “I guess it isn’t just you.” The elbow to the gut he got for that was fairly light thankfully, considering how much he’d just eaten.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Felix looked good. Somehow they’d been convinced to see one of Dorothea’s shows—also known as hours of dressed up children running up and down stage scream-singing—and Felix had decided to look like a concessions stand snack. His hair was braided to the side, he had on dark form fitting layers, and a navy-blue peacoat he’d gotten last Saint Seiros Day from his father that he never wore.</p><p>“Let’s skip it,” Sylvain said, wanting to know how quickly he could muss that braid up.</p><p>“You’re not serious,” Felix said, raising an eyebrow.</p><p>“It is <em>hours</em> to get there.”</p><p>“One hour,” Felix said, like that was different. “We can take the train, avoid the snow if that’s what you’re worried about.”</p><p>The implication that Sylvain would be worried about doing anything in the snow was baffling. He danced his fingers over the seam of Felix’s coat and gave him his best puppy-dog eyes. “What if the trains stop running? Shouldn’t we get snowed in here and not out in the middle of nowhere?”</p><p>Felix was fighting a smile and maybe a laugh as Sylvain came closer.“We promised we’d show.”</p><p>“They’ll understand,” Sylvain said, his hands falling flush on Felix’s waist, drawing him closer. It was impossible to decide what to take off first—part of him just wanted Felix to fuck him with all of it on, which was a possibility, although seemed like the coat would chafe.</p><p>“Yes,” Felix said, voice dripping in sarcasm, “that sounds like Ingrid and Dorothea—understanding.”</p><p>“It’s cold out there, Fe,” Sylvain said, kissing his cheek lightly. “It’s so warm in here. Let me keep you warm.”</p><p>Felix didn’t avoid the next kiss so that was a good sign. His mouth was twisted and he was fighting the urge to say something—probably a defense of how good Faerghus men kept promises and had honor, which wasn’t really what he gave a shit about. There was no way he wanted to go to the show.</p><p>Sylvain let his hands wander to Felix’s back and his fingers searched for the edge of the top layer so he could start his to peel them back. “We have a warm bathtub,” Sylvain said. “You said you were still tired from work. Think about how relaxing a warm, scented bath with your warm, scented boyfriend would be?”</p><p>“What exactly are you scented with?” Felix asked, fighting a smile again.</p><p>“Looooove,” Sylvain drawled, and that had the intended effect of making Felix laugh.</p><p>Felix let himself be fully embraced and then let out a defeated sigh. “Fine, but when Ingrid calls to yell at us, you’re taking the call.”</p><p>“I will send her to voice mail,” Sylvain promised and kissed the mildly perturbed look off Felix’s face.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Felix’s fingers worked small movements through Sylvain’s hair, rubbing with the pad of his thumb every few touches. “Have I ever told you how much I love your fingers?” Sylvain asked, closing his eyes and leaning back against Felix’s chest.</p><p>“Once or twice,” Felix murmured while continuing the head massage that had stopped only being lathering Sylvain’s hair five minutes ago.</p><p>Felix added his fingernails, raking them over the spots he’d just rubbed with his fingers.</p><p>“I’m going to melt into the bathtub,” Sylvain groaned. This wasn’t exactly how he’d pictured having a bath with Felix, but there was absolutely no way he was complaining about it.</p><p>“Mmm,” was all Felix responded with, quietly working his fingers through Sylvain’s hair—he switched between nails and fingertips, trailing a shudderingly perfect trail to the base of Sylvain’s skull. When he started moving onto Sylvain’s neck and shoulders, Sylvain was pretty sure he had actually drowned in the tub and was in heaven.</p><p>“You’re so nice,” Sylvain said, “I love you. How does this feel so good?”</p><p>“Technically I’m a professional,” Felix said, and Sylvain was too blitzed out on the tension in his neck disappearing that he didn’t reply to that with the sex worker joke it deserved.</p><p>Another garbled groan and Sylvain felt limp. He was probably crushing Felix with his weight leaning back on him at this point, but Felix kept going.</p><p>“Do you have an ergonomic setup for work?” Felix asked, drawing Sylvain a little out of his pleasure haze.</p><p>“Wha—uh, no?”</p><p>“You should get one,” Felix said. “You’re too tight in your shoulders and I think that’s why your neck has been bothering you.”</p><p>“You noticed, huh?” Sylvain smiled, focusing on that instead of thinking about work. It wasn’t like anything he did to make it more comfortable was going to help with productivity or interest… or anything.</p><p>“Mm,” Felix said again, working his thumbs against the juncture where Sylvain’s neck met his shoulders and turning him into jelly.</p><p>Winter was the greatest. They’d finally (somewhat) figured out how to balance Felix’s work schedule and it was <em>so</em> easy to talk him out of going to things this time of year. They would’ve been still stuck in traffic by now—or potentially listening to children shrieking song lyrics, Sylvain wasn’t exactly sure how much time had passed in his complete relaxation.</p><p>Felix’s fingers eventually stopped doing his shoulders; they went through his hair again, stroking water through it like it was actually washing out the tiny bit of shampoo he’d put in there. Probably making it smell like the bath oils at this point. Sylvain would smell nothing but the bath oils by the time they curled into bed, huddling underneath the covers and getting lost in each other for warmth.</p><p>“I love winter,” Sylvain said with a happy sigh.</p><p>“You’ve mentioned,” Felix murmured. When Sylvain tipped his head back a little to look at him, he looked fairly relaxed himself. Affection bubbled up in Sylvain’s chest at being spoiled like this and the spoiling making Felix relaxed.</p><p>“I love you, you know,” Sylvain said, more seriously.</p><p>Felix smiled at him, that soft private smile Sylvain had never seen him have for anyone else. “You’ve mentioned that too.”</p><p>Felix had trouble verbalizing it, which was fine—he’d said it before and Sylvain was very pretty solid in moments like this that Felix’s affection for him were at least moderately close to the same level. So Sylvain wasn’t expecting Felix to say in a hushed murmur like it was a secret, “You know I love you too.”</p><p>Sylvain had no control over his body once that was out of Felix’s mouth and shifted over in the tub, sloshing water off the sides, turning so he could properly climb up Felix and kiss him senseless. Felix’s half-hearted surprised protestations were swallowed and Sylvain grabbed at him until they were aligned enough to grind against each other under the water.</p><p>“Sylvain…” Felix said, a mixture of breathless annoyance and affection.</p><p>“I need to pay you back for the massage,” Sylvain said, peppering wet kisses against Felix’s neck—it tasted faintly like the bath oil smelled.</p><p>It was difficult to maneuver in this position—he felt more like a snake trying to hump another snake than anything particularly sexy, but Sylvain had never let that stop him before. He used the end of the tub to plant his feet and brought his hand around Felix’s cock, rubbing his thumb over the slit and coaxing him into hardness. Sylvain always liked being the cause of it—feeling Felix’s dick swell and lift in his fingers was even better.</p><p>“It’s not a transaction,” Felix muttered, his hands coming to Sylvain’s hair again, smoothing out wet pieces that were making a sad attempt at curling.</p><p>“Then I’m just insatiable,” Sylvain said, and squeezed a little, reveling in the soft surprise Felix always seemed to have when Sylvain got his hands on him. Fuck, he was so hot. And wet. This was worth how bad the bathroom floor was going to be soaked.</p><p>Felix breathed out and leaned his head back against the rim of the tub, closing his eyes. “You said it.”</p><p>Sylvain palmed the base of Felix’s cock and milked soft little pants out of his parted lips. He couldn’t believe they could’ve been out right now—sure, Felix would still be dressed up like a classy lead detective in a tv-show, but that wasn’t anything compared to naked, wet, and <em>writhing</em> Felix.</p><p>“It’s true when it’s you,” Sylvain said.</p><p>Felix opened his eyes a little, staring at Sylvain with an overly fond, soft expression that made Sylvian want to melt into the tub again. Instead he used his freehand to grab the lip of the tub behind Felix and pull himself so that he could palm both their dicks, stroking them together in just shy of too firm grip.</p><p>Sylvain kissed the corner of Felix’s mouth and whispered, “Say it again.”</p><p>“You’re insatiable,” Felix said, with an amused chuff.</p><p>“The other thing,” Sylvain said, kissing the other side of his mouth and squeezing his hand underneath the water, drawing out a stuttering little moan from Felix.</p><p>“It’s not a transaction?”</p><p>Sylvain thought he was serious until he met Felix’s gaze and realized he was trying not to laugh. “Anyone ever tell you, you’re a brat?” he asked, squeezing them both together tight enough to make Felix squirm.</p><p>“You usually,” Felix said, dragging his fingers up Sylvain’s back and gripping his shoulders so he could try and control the pace of their bath time rut.</p><p>Sylvain stopped leveraging the tub to keep his body at the proper angle and let himself sink down so he could press Felix down. He pressed Felix’s hips down with a hand on each side and basked in the peevish huff Felix made in protest.</p><p>“Stop being a tease,” Felix said, trying to push up by his hips. Usually he’d be able to accomplish that move, but there wasn’t enough room in the tub for him to get any sort of anchor or grip to do so—and Sylvain had the advantage of water displacing both of them.</p><p>“Say it again,” Sylvain said. When Felix stubbornly tried jerking his hips again, Sylvain shifted his weight harder so that they barely moved against each other. “You’re being stubborn.”</p><p>“You’re being a bitch,” Felix retorted, trying to shift his weight on only one side and tip Sylvain over—it might have actually worked, were it not for the fact that Sylvain was wide enough to catch himself beforehand. “Sylvain… fuck—this was <em>your</em> idea, stop being a tease.”</p><p>“It’s three words, Felix,” Sylvain said reasonably, trying to resist the urge to jerk his hips when Felix wriggled beneath the water again. Felix was starting to get that stubborn set to his jaw, the one that was more fun to turn into an all night willpower battle when the water wasn’t going to eventually get cold.</p><p>So Sylvain played dirty and lowered his head to Felix’s chest, lapping his tongue against one of his nipples, followed by a scrape of his teeth.</p><p>“Fuck-fuck—<em>fuck</em> you, Gautier,” Felix spat. He cried out when Sylvain sucked the nub of it between his teeth. “Ah—okay fine—fuu-AHn—ck… you <em>know</em> I love you, you fucking piece of—”</p><p>Sylvain shifted his grip on Felix’s hips to pull him forward, he expeditiously matched Felix’s frantic rhythm now that he had any leverage, and rolled their hips together until they ruined the bath.</p><p> </p><p>“I can’t believe you thought us laying like that in the bath would deter me,” Sylvain said later, as they were drying off.</p><p>Felix threw a wet towel at him.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Felix and Ingrid were spinning circles around each other on the open air ice skating rink that had been rented for Dimtiri’s birthday bash. Annette was doing a free-skate with fish girl and Mercedes was trying to lure Dedue onto the ice. Dimitri was wisely taking Sylvain’s approach of staying away from whatever horrible competition Ingrid and Felix were going to get into and slowly making his way around the perimeter of the rink with his girlfriend.</p><p>Sylvain walked towards Dorothea, leaning against the side of the rink and staring out with a bemused look at Felix and Ingrid. Once she noticed him, she looked up and gave him a cold, unimpressed stare that would’ve shriveled his bowels if he’d still been trying to sleep with her.</p><p>“Come on,” Sylvain said. “I already apologized.”</p><p>“And I don’t buy it,” Dorothea said, primly tugging on her mittens. They had little cat ears, he was pretty sure from how lopsided they were it was one of Annette’s many projects.</p><p>“I’m sure the children survived without two audience members,” Sylvain said. He leaned back against the rail she was leaning forward on. “‘thea, come on.”</p><p>“Hmph,” Dorothea said and then stared out at the rink again, ignoring him. She seemed to be pretty set on that, but something was making her frown. “Why does it look like they’re about to race?”</p><p>Sylvain didn’t have to even glance back to know who she was talking about. “We’ll be lucky if that’s all they do.”</p><p>Dorothea sighed dramatically. “It’s a <em>birthday</em> party.”</p><p>“They’re Ingrid and Felix.” Sylvain glanced back over his shoulder to see Ingrid gesticulating at Felix and then to the other end of the rink. Felix did not appear to be saying anything pleasant judging by his face.</p><p>He looked back at Dorothea. “Are you really going to stay mad at me?”</p><p>“Why did you agree to come if you were going to ditch last minute?” Dorothea shot back. “It wasn’t for the <em>children</em> it was for me.” She seemed to realize how that sounded and then waved a kitten mitten at him. “You know what I mean.”</p><p>“Felix looked…” Sylvain trailed off at the second sharp look she shot at him. “I don’t get to see him as much since he started his Fellowship. Can you blame me for taking advantage of his first full day off in weeks?”</p><p>“Yes,” Dorothea said, but she seemed placated slightly. Her brow furrowed as she watched the rink, then whatever they were doing seemed upsetting enough for her to turn back to Sylvain. “You would have been together at the show,” she pointed out.</p><p>“We can’t fuck at a children’s theatre, even I have standards.” Sylvain barely dodged her well placed kick—she must’ve had Ingrid rubbing off on her.</p><p>“You know,” Dorothea preened. “I know her—Felix’s lead, Manuela. She taught the only semester I humored my mother with pre-med.”</p><p>Sylvain had forgotten about that, which was strange since it was where she’d met Felix and then become part of their group more than 'Dimitri’s step-sister’s friend.'</p><p>“Felix seems to like her,” Sylvain said neutrally.</p><p>“I’ve never seen him light up like that,” Dorothea said, with a laugh. “He might have said the most words he’s ever said to me when he talked about it.” She eyed Sylvain carefully. “You don’t seem as enthused.”</p><p>“I miss him,” Sylvain said and it sounded as pathetic out loud as it did in his head. “I’m happy he’s… enjoying himself, I just—” Whatever Sylvain was about to say was cut off when someone on the ice rink who suspiciously sounded like Annette screamed in surprise.</p><p>“Oh dear,” Dorothea said, and pushed herself off the rail to get onto the ice and help. Sylvain turned around and saw a pile that started with Annette and ended with Ashe’s boyfriend. It seemed he’d missed the comedy of errors when Caspar bent down to help Annette and had tumbled himself, presumably dragging Ashe, Felix, and Ingrid with him—although maybe they caused the initial crash. Now Sylvain was upset he wasn’t paying attention.</p><p>Sylvain watched as they all did a horrible job helping each other up and tried not to laugh too loudly as more people got in to help. It seemed like Mercedes was showing up, so the slip and slide ice pile was probably almost over. She was too sensible to let them keep falling over like that, which was a shame.</p><p>He heard the familiar slish-slosh of Dimitri’s gaited skate and turned as Dimitri skated towards the rail, grasping the edge of it. “Ingrid and Felix were attempting some sort of figure eight which Annette was in the middle of.”</p><p>“You should’ve picked a less dangerous party theme,” Sylvain chided. If anyone knew how bad Felix and Ingrid were, it was the only other person that had to deal with them when they snuck out to the frozen-over pond behind the Blaiddyd estate.</p><p>“Actually Byleth planned it,” Dimitri said. His cheeks were flushed from exertion, but that stupid smile he got on his face when he talked about his girlfriend was all him. “She got a fairly good deal on the rental from what I hear.”</p><p>“Couldn’t you have bought the place?” Sylvain asked. It wasn’t a secret how much money Dimitri was set to make once he took over the company.</p><p>For some reason that made Dimitri look away from him. He rubbed the back of his neck. “Ah. Well, I’m not actually set up for as lucrative of a future as the last time we spoke.” Dimitri looked up at him—a novelty for Sylvain since he was outside the rink—and his goofy smile dimmed a bit. “I would have told you this earlier, but it’s been a while since you’ve come out.”</p><p>“You could come to see us too,” Sylvain pointed out. “It’s not my fault you moved to Charon to be closer to the Professor’s job.”</p><p>“Stop calling her that,” Dimitri said, sounding exactly like he had in college. “She was a TA for one semester.”</p><p>“She’s a professor now, isn’t she?” Sylvain retorted. Dimitri gave a begrudging scoff, securing Sylvain’s win. “So what is it you didn’t want to tell me through any means of communication a phone delivers?”</p><p>“I… ah quit,” Dimitri said. It took Sylvain a moment to realize he was being serious—that the relieved smile on Dimitri’s face wasn’t him trying to tell a terrible joke.</p><p>“You quit your job as heir to the Blaiddyd Industries fortune?” Sylvain balked.</p><p>Dimitri shrugged helplessly, like he couldn’t believe it himself. “I’ve agreed to finish out the year, but come Great Tree Moon I’ll be teaching.”</p><p>“So now you’re the professor?” Sylvain couldn’t process this.</p><p>“Primary school,” Dimitri said. “Ages six to thirteen depending on need and placement.”</p><p>Dimitri was going to teach kids. It was… weird. Not him with kids—Dimitri was always great with kids, he’d been volunteering as a kiddie football coach even before they’d all graduated. Also Sylvain could see him rocking a cardigan if he could find one to fit him.</p><p>“What brought this on?”</p><p>Dimitri’s gaze drifted towards his girlfriend, who was attempting to lure Dimitri’s step-sister from the edges of the rink where she was absorbed in her phone. “I was miserable at the company, to put it lightly. Byleth encouraged me to go after my teaching certification, so I’ve been working on it for the last year or so.” He looked back again at Sylvain with a wry smile. “A thing I could have informed you of in person earlier.”</p><p>Sylvain held his hands up and grinned. “Yeah, yeah I get it—” He ignored the weird airy feeling gliding around his bones. “And Lambert was okay with this?”</p><p>“Oh saints no,” Dimitri said with the ‘too used to the controlling parent’ laugh. “He was incredibly upset, but he came around. I think my stepmother brought him there, though neither of them will admit it.”</p><p>“Patricia always <em>was</em> as compassionate as she was hot,” Sylvain said, focusing on the frustrated ‘Sylvain’ he got out of Dimitri rather than feeling like he’d fallen on the ice too. “Congratulations, I guess,” Sylvain said, mustering up a smile.</p><p>Dimitri smiled back, much more genuine. Probably easy to do when there was a dream he had and was going for—Sylvain wondered what that felt like.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Annette (with a colorful array of bandaids plastered on her forehead) was asleep against fish girl in the backseat as Sylvain drove them all home from Dimitri’s party. Felix was in the passenger’s side about ready to leave Sylvain as the only conscious person in the car.</p><p>Sylvain cleared his throat. “Did you know about Dimitri becoming a teacher?”</p><p>“Yeah,” Felix said, sleepily, pillowing his head against the edge of the headrest. “‘babies or something.”</p><p>“You didn’t mention it,” Sylvain said, wondering why and not really enjoying any of the possible reasons.</p><p>Felix’s response was barely audible. He’d pulled extra hours so he could take today off and had spent most of it chatting with Ashe and Annette, competing with Ingrid, and hassling Dimitri. He was seconds from sleep—Sylvain sighed and let it be. He kept driving and tried to keep the headlights of the passing cars as his only focus.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>The door slammed open, signaling Felix’s presence in the apartment <em>finally</em>.</p><p>Sylvain got up from his computer to see Felix taking his shoes off to set on the rack by the door.</p><p>“Train run late again?” Sylvain asked—not that it excused the lack of text to let Sylvain know he was going to miss dinner.</p><p>“What?” Felix asked, blinking up at him, still bent slightly and holding one of his shoes. He blinked and seemed to process that Sylvain had asked him a question. “No. I had to catch one of the later ones—you’re going to your parents for Saint Seiros, right?”</p><p>“Unfortunately.”</p><p>Felix nodded and dropped the shoe next to the others. He padded in his socks to the fridge, pulling out an energy drink, which he then immediately opened. “Good. I had to volunteer for holiday shifts.”</p><p>He chugged down at least half the drink before pulling his bag off his shoulder and rooting around in it for his tablet and what looked like a pile of printouts. Felix made his way towards the couch, setting the printouts on the coffee table and drinking more energy sludge.</p><p>“Why?” Sylvain asked. He wondered if he could use work as an excuse to get out of a Gautier family gathering—it was maybe the only thing that would work on his father—but the office closed for half the month this time of the year and there was no way Father Gautier wouldn’t know that.</p><p>Felix pursed his lips and his grip on the can increased. “There’s an asshole on the board who’s claiming that Dr. Casagranda’s research isn’t <em>adequate</em> to justify the trial next year.” He shook his head. He downed the rest of the drink, then set it on the table and turned his tablet on. “One of the participants of her last trial got full range of motion back in their arm—after <em>nerve</em> damage. Imagine the kind of advancement she could get with the next one.”</p><p>Felix grunted and folded himself up on the couch, knees near his chest and pillowing his tablet—he pulled up something work-looking on his tablet. “Fucking dinosaurs just want the same data in a different format—calling it ‘conclusive details to justify the cost of the study’ or some other bullshit.”</p><p>“So you’re… going through old paperwork?” Sylvain asked. “Can’t you do that here?” It seemed like he was already.</p><p>Felix shook his head. “A lot of it is confidential, but it’s also half research, half covering shifts so Dr. Casagranda has more time to recompile everything.”</p><p>“And you’re the only one doing it?” Sylvain asked.</p><p>Felix glanced up at him. His expression was inscrutable and Sylvain hated that. “You are going to be at your parents and I wasn’t going anyway.”</p><p>He almost phrased the last bit like a question. Sylvain ignored the weird flip his gut was doing—Felix was right, he hadn’t been going. They were going to tackle awkward family holidays separately this year, though Sylvain had been looking forward to distraction texts venting about their respective family drama.</p><p>“I would never subject you to a Gautier holiday.” Sylvain stretched his arms and folded them behind his head. “You aren’t just using it as an excuse to flake on your dad are you?”</p><p>“Just an unexpected benefit,” Felix said, shaking his head. Then he looked down at his screen again.</p><p>Sylvain stared at him for a moment—a lecture about overworking himself wasn’t going to get anywhere… it didn’t seem like Sylvain was going to get anywhere tonight either. “Did you eat anything other than caffeine?”</p><p>Felix shrugged, indifferent—his focus already completely on his screen.</p><p>“I can make you some tea, at least,” Sylvain offered.</p><p>Felix shook his head absently, still staring at his screen, his finger moving on something that changed the file he was looking at to be side-by-side with an identical one. His hyper-intense focus didn’t seem like it was going to die out any time soon.</p><p>Sylvain sighed and put some tea on anyway.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>At first it seemed like Felix wasn’t going to overwork himself (or at least not to the point beyond how he normally did). Sylvain came back from a draining familial visit to a welcoming boyfriend lap and hair stroking that lead to other kinds of stroking.</p><p>It wasn’t the hours Felix was putting in—they were excessive but they always were, it was how drained he was when he got home. Sex wasn’t… terrible. Sex with Felix was never really <em>bad</em>. It was just… not enough to make up for all the energy Felix was devoting to the other relationship in his life. It felt like even when all of Felix’s time didn’t go towards work, his focus did.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>The afterglow of Felix’s hot, wet mouth wrapped around Sylvain’s cock—sucking down until his cheeks hollowed and giving Felix that perfect used look—was short lived. Sylvain reached over to repay the favor and Felix shook his head.</p><p>“It’s fine,” Felix said, stifling a yawn and rolling his jaw in a way that made Sylvain want to pounce on him, even half a minute out of an orgasm.</p><p>“It’s fine?” Sylvain reached down again, cupping his hand over Felix’s dick, but not even feeling partial attention beneath his flannel pajama bottoms. “Too much to hope for that you got off just from doing me?”</p><p>Felix rubbed his hand over his face, trying to battle another yawn. “‘m just not in the mood.”</p><p>“I can fix that,” Sylvain said. He leaned in to do just that and Felix moved away from him. “Seriously?”</p><p>“I’m not in the mood,” Felix repeated, moving Sylvain’s hand away. “I… isn’t it enough that I got you off?”</p><p><em>No</em>. Sylvain didn’t say. Felix looked tired and angry. If he’d only been the latter, maybe they would’ve had some mind-blowing sex at least. “You’re overworking yourself,” Sylvain said.</p><p>“It’s temporary,” Felix retorted, he rolled himself off the bed—getting ready for his nightly routine. Brushing his teeth after an unreciprocated blow. Fuck, Sylvain hoped this wasn’t the start of a trend.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>“Can’t someone else cover?” Sylvain asked after being told <em>again</em> that Felix was working the weekend.</p><p>“No,” Felix said. “We’re all pulling double shifts to help Manuela with her patient load so she can focus on the study.”</p><p>“Oh, it’s <em>Manuela</em> now?” Sylvain couldn’t help the reflexive tease. “I see what’s going on.”</p><p>Felix rolled his eyes. Then he lifted up on his toes to briefly press his mouth against Sylvain’s. “Thank you for understanding.”</p><p>Sylvain narrowed his eyes at him and let out an amused scoff. “That’s a foul move, Fraldarius—now I can’t be a petty bitch about it.”</p><p>Felix shrugged, a tired smile on his face. “You could, but it’d be nice if you didn’t.”</p><p>“You’re so mean to me,” Sylvain whined, dragging Felix into a hug.</p><p>“I can be nice,” Felix offered, wrapping his arms around Sylvain in return and resting his head on his chest.</p><p>“Just not this weekend,” Sylvain finished for him, his mouth twisting into a frown.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Sylvain got back to the apartment and for the third time this week, Felix was asleep on the couch—his tablet resting on his chest like a security blanket. Sylvain took a few deep breaths and did not get petty or upset—even if all he could think about was how Felix had been smiling that small smile at other attractive people in scrubs when Sylvain picked him up today. Sylvain hadn’t been able to tell if any of them were also the attractive people that occasionally tagged him in pictures. He probably needed new contacts.</p><p>Sylvain resisted the urge to wake Felix up as he set the groceries down on the kitchen counter. They could probably still have marginally unimaginative sex before bed if Felix took long enough of a nap. As Sylvain stared to unpack the groceries he noticed that one of the cabinet doors was slightly ajar, like someone had pushed it closed but missed.</p><p>It made him think about months ago and how <em>good</em> the sex had been over that stupid cabinet door argument. Then he realized his shoes were still on and went to the door to take them off, but… stopped.</p><p>Felix hated when he didn’t leave his shoes at the door before he came back into the apartment. Something about tracking dirt in, like Felix was the one that did the vacuuming. It wasn’t a hill Sylvain particularly wanted to die on, but it was maybe enough to stokes the flames a little and get more than mediocre sex tonight.</p><p>Some of the best fucks they’d had this year were from arguing—it <em>never</em> felt phoned in.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Sylvain was a fucking genius—Felix’s tired haze had completely left his face when he saw Sylvain still wearing his shoes inside. Sylvain had only been slightly combative and it had escalated to the point where something more than a monotonous fuck occurred. Felix was bitey and aggressively hot. The passion that had been missing the last few weeks was back in spades.</p><p>And besides, Felix seemed more relaxed afterwards. Slightly bruised, worn out, and more than a little mean about dick stepping, but relaxed all the same.</p><p>It was very altruistic of Sylvain to give him such a break.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>@waffle_fancy on twitter -- appreciate each and every kudos and comment &lt;3</p><p>If you feel like sharing the fic, this is the <a href="https://twitter.com/waffle_fancy/status/1329469486114643968?s=20">promo tweet</a>.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Glenn</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Glenn pays a visit and puts a crinkle in Sylvain's current routine. </p><p>(or, what do you mean actions have consequences?)</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you so much for each and every comment, they are super appreciated!</p><p>Also please don't kill me for this one. &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was easier than Sylvain expected to find things to fight about—it <em>was</em> genuinely annoying how many times Felix ran the damn washer and dryer for his gym clothes. No matter what was going on, work or otherwise, Felix always found the time to run, go to the gym, or lift tires in an old-timey junkyard to the tune of some motivating musical interlude (or at least the last one was what Sylvain thought up when he was bored of picturing Felix at the gym). It lead to a lot of laundry and their dryer had never been exactly quiet.</p><p>And then there was this flared nostril thing Felix did when he was pissed that Sylvain both hated and immediately turned him on—it was to blame for the shift in the fight being on Sylvain this time. It was impossible not to put his hands all over Felix, feeling up his muscular flank, his killer legs, and every other inch of Felix between. Sylvain roughly threw him up against the loud and violently shaking dryer, which had the unintended effect of jostling Felix’s crotch right into Sylvain’s.</p><p>“Probably should take your clothes off,” Sylvain said as he gyrated his hips directly into Felix’s—which made Felix push his face into Sylvain’s shoulder to muffle his groaning. “Wouldn’t want to make another—”</p><p>Felix punched his other shoulder hard enough to bruise. “Don’t you fucking dare say—”</p><p>“Load,” Sylvain finished with a mean smile and was rewarded by Felix biting down hard on his neck. His teeth pierced the skin and would definitely leave a mark Sylvain’s collar would barely cover, which would’ve been something to enjoy if it didn’t fucking <em>hurt</em>, so Sylvain retaliated by digging his fingers into the meat of Felix’s ass.</p><p>That seemed to get a better response, as Felix gripped Sylvain’s shoulders and smothered another moan. The dryer was still rocking against Felix, making loud cranky thunking with each rotation and driving his pelvis against Sylvain.</p><p>Sylvain yanked Felix’s althleisurewear down to his thighs and hoisted him up onto the dryer. It had Felix looking down on him, which was very intense (and hot)—Sylvain did the only logical thing and fisted his hand in Felix’s top to pull him into a savage kiss.</p><p>The dryer cycle proved to be in Sylvain’s favor—or in Felix’s—as it rumbled erratically while Sylvain jerked Felix off.</p><p>Sylvain thought maybe Felix had shoved a shoe in there when he heard a louder banging, but it was Felix himself—slamming his fist into the top of the dryer while Sylvain worked one hand on his cock and the other, two fingers deep in his ass. Sylvain crested the digits into a question mark and dragged them down towards towards the answer of Felix’s prostate. He was making Felix so overstimulated that the guttural cries escaping his lips were louder than the dryer.</p><p>The dryer shook again, taking the movement of Sylvain’s fingers with it, jerking them up harder than Sylvain meant to. In immediate response, Felix threw his head back—exposing the long perfect column of skin that was his neck—swearing blasphemously towards the ceiling.</p><p>Sylvain’s fingers and the dryer worked in tandem as Sylvain tried to wrench every swear and fitful groan he could out of Felix.</p><p>Felix worked himself forward, fingers curling tightly in Sylvain’s hair and pulling as he leaned in. It sent shockwaves through Sylvain’s system and his grip on Felix’s dick tightened and twisted until Felix was shaking harder than the dryer and coming all over his hand.</p><p>Sylvain was bursting, his dick felt like it weighed a ton. He wrapped his own hand around it, slick from Felix’s spend and jerked himself off until it splattered all over Felix’s thighs.</p><p>Felix was still bonelessly riding the dryer—filthy in a way that ironically would need a wash—when the dryer finally shut off.</p><p>“New appreciation for the spin cycle,” Sylvain said, breathy and pleased.</p><p>Felix tried to kick him but his legs were too entangled in his own leggings.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Sylvain followed Felix around the bookstore as he summarily picked up and put back old tomes of chivalric history. “Why is she so hard to shop for?” Felix muttered, looking at the back of another book.</p><p>“I’m telling you, all-you-can-eat gift card.”</p><p>Felix shot a wry look at him over his shoulder. “I’m not signing my name onto your present.”</p><p>“Why not?” Sylvain glanced at a couple of book spines, reading titles like ‘The Stolen Embrace’ and ‘Hands of Thieves’ and snorting at the juxtaposition. “Isn’t it a perk of being a couple? We get to slough off any personal responsibility when it comes to friendships.”</p><p>“No,” Felix said, giving him a strange look.</p><p>“With presents,” Sylvain clarified. “Like how we both gave Mercedes and Dedue that cooking accessory set?”</p><p>“That was a housewarming gift,” Felix said. “Ingrid is…” He didn’t seem to know how to finish that sentence and his mouth twisted. “We’ve known her for ages, it’ll look bad if I leech off yours.”</p><p>“Since when do you care about looking bad?” Sylvain asked.</p><p>Felix’s smirk was a little vicious. “I think you’re confusing me with you.”</p><p>Sylvain fought a laugh and smacked Felix over his scrubs bottoms. Felix tensed up and flushed. “Stop that,” he hissed.</p><p>“I thought you didn’t care how you looked?” Sylvain retorted, his hand lingering on the cheek he’d slapped until Felix was red to his ears and yanked it off.</p><p>“Annette was telling me about a fungus that lives in old books,” Felix said, staring at him, expressionless, like he hadn’t changed the topic entirely. “Students fucking at the GMU library basically created a new STD.”</p><p>Sylvain was stumped on that one, which was probably what Felix was going for, because Sylvain couldn’t help but think about whether or not the most effective method would be putting the condom on the book or the dick—he was about to say so, when Felix breathed out in relief.</p><p>“They have it,” he said.</p><p>Sylvain looked at the title, ‘Watching of the King’ — it was one of Ingrid’s favorites growing up. “So the real reason you don’t want to share presents is because you want to overshadow my gift card with something incredibly thoughtful, I see how it is.”</p><p>Felix’s lips twitched, like the hyper-competitive asshole he was, and shrugged. They went to go pay for it, while Sylvain tried (and failed) to convince Felix to look around some more.</p><p>“They have a coffee shop nearby,” Sylvain suggested as they went out into the brisk, dry air of Guardian Moon.</p><p>“You know I have another shift in half an hour,” Felix said, a little peevishly.</p><p>“That’s enough time to get coffee,” Sylvain countered.</p><p>Felix sighed. He looked back at the shop and then to Sylvain, before shaking his head. “I don’t want to be late.”</p><p>“You really are overworking yourself, Fe,” Sylvain said, as they walked to where he’d parked the car.</p><p>Felix shrugged and wrapped his arms around himself—from how thin his scrubs were based on Sylvain feeling his ass through them, he had to be freezing. Sylvain threw an arm around his shoulders and bundled him closer. Felix turned gratefully into the warmth.</p><p>“Thanks for driving me,” he said. “This shop has weird hours.”</p><p>More like Felix had weird hours, but Sylvain held his tongue. “Home late tonight, I’m assuming?”</p><p>Felix nodded. “Eight, I think.”</p><p>Sylvain held Felix a little tighter and resisted the urge, just barely, to kidnap him and drive to Derdriu for a beach vacation.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>“That was my favorite tie you know,” Sylvain said, coming down from a mind-blowing orgasm. He hadn’t even meant to start that fight, but fuck if it wasn’t worth it.</p><p>Felix unwound Sylvain’s tie from where they were keeping Sylvain’s wrists together. “I thought you hated ties.”</p><p>“I do, but that one is my favorite—or it is now… let me tie you up next time.”</p><p>The blush on Felix’s face—considering they were both half naked and Sylvain had only moments ago been tied to a table leg—was interesting. Sylvain filed that away for later.</p><p>“Why don’t you find an office with a more casual dress code,” Felix said, winding the tie on his own hands in a distracted attempt to fold it.</p><p>He looked pink and pleased—Sylvain dragged him forward now that his hands were free and held Felix close by the waist. He pushed his nose into the crook of Felix’s neck and breathed in. “I thought you liked me in a suit,” Sylvain murmured.</p><p>“I didn’t like you at all fifteen minutes ago,” Felix retorted, a little salty.</p><p>“You really wanna get tied up that bad, huh?” Sylvain asked and Felix pulled away from him, straightening himself up.</p><p>“Can’t <em>load the dishwasher correctly</em> with my hands tied,” Felix said—the remnants of their tiff flaring up again.</p><p>Sylvain should have said something reassuring—it wasn’t that big of a deal, but instead his mouth worked on its own like it always did and he said, “Doesn’t seem like you can load it correctly without them tied, so might be worth a shot.”</p><p>Felix’s folding job of his tie made it the perfect gag, which he shoved in Sylvain’s mouth for round two.</p><p>Now it was definitely ruined and <em>definitely</em> his favorite tie.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Felix was reading over case notes on his tablet with his legs over Sylvain’s lap. Sylvain was not reading the book in his hand. Instead he stared at Felix and frowned at how prominent his dark circles had gotten. Even with the trial mostly assured, Felix still wanted in on it so badly he’d been putting all his time and energy into work. His singleminded focus was so frustrating, especially seeing it wrecking him from stress like this.</p><p>Sylvain put his book aside and ran his hand up Felix’s ankle.</p><p>“Don’t even think about it,” Felix murmured, not even looking up from his tablet.</p><p>“Why do you always assume the worst?” Sylvain asked, mildly offended.</p><p>Felix ignored him, frowning at something on his screen. Fuck, he looked exhausted. Sylvain moved his hands from Felix’s ankles to his feet and started rubbing at the arches.</p><p>“Sylvain,” Felix said, frustrated.</p><p>“I’m not starting anything,” Sylvain said. He continued to very modestly rub Felix’s feet, getting his knuckles up underneath the arch and giving pressure to the skin connecting each toe. Felix slowly started to melt into the couch with each touch.</p><p>Felix sank into his shoulders, head pillowed against the armrest. “You play dirty,” Felix murmured.</p><p>“Baby, you need a break,” Sylvain said. “When’s your next day off?”</p><p>“Next Thursday,” Felix said, rubbing his hand over his eye. “Promised Annette I’d help her with something though, but I should be home when you get home.”</p><p>“I could’ve taken the day off too,” Sylvian said. He moved his massage over to Felix’s calf, focusing on one leg at a time now. “Help Annette with her sex fungus.”</p><p>Felix snorted, tired. “Fuck, I should’ve never told you that.”</p><p>“You really did leave it wide open,” Sylvain agreed, he got his thumbs right in the give of muscle in the middle of Felix’s calf and Felix groaned. “You could nap on the couch and I could get dinner,” Sylvain suggested.</p><p>Felix gave him the glare of a kitten who had been denied their favorite toy. It was adorable. “I need to read this.”</p><p>“You’ll read it easier if you’re not falling asleep, Fe.”</p><p>Felix sighed, the rare noise of defeat. He rested his tablet on his chest and his eyes slid shut. “Fine, but don’t let me go longer than a half-hour.”</p><p>Sylvain made no such promises and continued to rub Felix’s legs until his breathing evened out into something a little more relaxed. He didn’t usually order delivery, there were too many places nearby in walking distance, but Sylvain put a dinner order in on his phone and watched Felix sleep. He gently stroked his thumb over the exposed skin at Felix’s ankle and smiled.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>“That isn’t how you do it,” Sylvain said, while Felix tried once again, unsuccessfully, to get the duvet into the actual duvet cover.</p><p>“I know how to make the fucking bed,” Felix said tightly.</p><p>“<em>Is</em> it a fucking bed?” Sylvain asked. “Not more of a barely sleeping bed and a Felix stays up all night reading medical articles bed?”</p><p>Felix sneered in a mocking way, but didn’t respond otherwise as he fumbled with the cover. He tried to align the ties correctly and only got one corner to stick. He angrily wrung the duvet cover into several directions and then threw it to the floor. “We should just get a fucking quilt like everyone else.”</p><p>“Microbes,” Sylvain said. “Germs. Infections. Things Annette studies in her lab. All on the fucking quilt that we can’t wash.”</p><p>Felix grumbled something under his breath. When Sylvain tried to reach for the duvet cover he slapped his hand away and picked it up to try again. Sylvain settled for watching him, frustratedly attempt to line the corners up again and ignore any advice. Sylvain did not resist rolling his eyes and Felix caught him doing it.</p><p>Felix’s heated glare was usually a warning bell, but Sylvain’s dick had gone full Pavlovian and was immediately rising to attention. Much like the duvet cover, starting a fight was incredibly easy to figure out since Sylvain had enough practice.</p><p>The duvet itself landed on the floor at some point during the argument, which made a soft place to shove Felix face down into. His back always had a perfect arch to it, like he’d been destined to be a gymnast but no one had ever told him—or maybe a porn star considering what that arch did to Felix’s ass as it pointed upwards.</p><p>There were teethmarks still imprinted onto the perfect rounded cheeks and Sylvain sucked one of them into his mouth, drawing the skin of Felix’s ass against his teeth to make the mark even more apparent. No one else was going to be seeing this view, but maybe the knowledge of it would remind Felix of his strangled moans barely muffled by an uncovered duvet they’d need to wash again.</p><p>Sylvain pressed his lips softly on the inconvenient hickey, soothing the skin as he brought his hands down from squeezing Felix’s hips to between his thighs—he spread them so that Felix had to arch his back even deeper and so that the line of skin trailing between Felix’s hole and his balls was more accessible.</p><p>Sylvain used less teeth here—instead drawing a line with his tongue up, down, and around the perineum until he had the underside of Felix’s sack lapped up. Sylvain could feel the grunting resistance to any actual expression of how horny Felix was, better than he could hear it.</p><p>It was a phenomenal view from this position, but Sylvain wanted to hear the results of his work, so he pushed Felix down until he was flat on his stomach. Sylvain moved his hands from the span of Felix’s back to cup and spread his ass until he was fully on display.</p><p>“We’re not getting a quilt if you come on the duvet,” Sylvain said, delighting in Felix’s choked reaction before he dove in.</p><p>Sylvain always got compliments on his mouth and a reputation for a talented tongue. It sometimes meant talking, often meant kissing, but the real feather in his cap was when it meant his record setting ability to eat people out. He’d pretty much perfected the process before Felix, but having him as the only target for it had made Sylvain a literal genius at it.</p><p>Sylvain’s tongue trailed around the edge of Felix’s hole, teasing a little and flicking against the rim. He kept light, feather touches, until Felix’s muffled moans shifted into more audible pleas. Sylvain rewarded the noises and went in with gusto, working his tongue to swirl inside the heated ring of skin that Felix was opening up more and more with each fuck of Sylvain’s tongue.</p><p>He was probably going to give himself lockjaw, but the keening whining cries of his name as Felix started to melt into it and stop fighting had Sylvain reacting appropriately. He pinched down on whatever skin he could feel as he kept Felix spread and smashed his face into the space between until he was thrusting his tongue as deep as it could go.</p><p> </p><p>Felix was so fucked out afterwards that his limbs were easily maneuvered when Sylvain turned him over—hooking one knee over his shoulder as he fucked him into the come stained duvet.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Sylvain loosened his tie enough that he could yank it off completely—wondering why he didn’t do that in the car. He unlocked and swung open the door to his apartment.</p><p>The Fraldarius that stared back at him was the wrong brother. “Uh, hey Glenn,” Sylvain said, doing a bad job at hiding his surprise. He wasn’t sure what to do with his tie now, but was pretty sure awkwardly holding it up to the side wasn’t the way to go.</p><p>“Hey,” Glenn said, staring up at him with a look that said he might run over Sylvain’s balls with his wheelchair if he made the wrong move.</p><p>“Wait, how did you get up here?” Sylvain asked, throwing his keys onto the hook—smoothly enough to save face for the tie awkwardness. “The elevator has been broken for months.”</p><p>“Felix carried me,” Glenn said and at Sylvain’s face, he waved his hand. “It’s not emasculating when Felix does it—it’s just funny. Also why the fuck is your elevator broken? That breaks about fifty disability laws.”</p><p>Sylvain shrugged. “I wanted to move to a nicer part of town.” Felix hadn’t wanted anywhere he couldn’t pay at least a third of the rent, even though Sylvain didn’t honestly give a shit if he was paying for everything.</p><p>Glenn was still giving him that look—Sylvain probably imagined the way his fingers twitched on the wheels. Sylvain cleared his throat and shoved his tie into his jacket pocket, fiddling with the strap of his bag instead.</p><p>“So,” Sylvain said, “to what do we owe the pleasure?”</p><p>Glenn rolled his wheelchair backwards and then made a vague gesture with his hand. “Got a lead on a job at a news station.”</p><p>“Oh?” Sylvain asked, wondering where the fuck Felix was.</p><p>“Yeah, I’m an experienced pro-ball player and charming as fuck, but for some reason I keep getting rejected for sportscaster positions—” He rolled his eyes up to the ceiling. “You don’t need to use your legs to talk statistics.”</p><p>“Maybe for kicking demonstrations,” Sylvain said, automatically. Thankfully Glenn snorted a laugh.</p><p>There was a horrible awkward silence that was broken by the door opening. Felix paused at the threshold, carrying a bag from the nearest grocery store. He stared at both of them and opened his mouth, but nothing came out of it.</p><p>“So your brother’s here?” Sylvain couldn’t believe <em>this</em> didn’t get a heads up text.</p><p>“Yeah,” Felix said, sounding at least a little guilty. “I uh…”</p><p>“He was hoping I wouldn’t be a problem by the time you got home,” Glenn said. “You know, stubbornly denying the facts is a key trait in any Fraldarius.”</p><p>“You’re a Fraldarius too, shithead,” Felix snapped.</p><p>“Not if I stubbornly deny that fact,” Glenn replied, nonplussed.</p><p>Sylvain felt like ants were crawling up his spine. He never knew how to deal with awkward family tension and immediately wanted to placate everyone back to normal—but this <em>was</em> Glenn and Felix’s normal.</p><p>“I think we have an air mattress somewhere,” Sylvain said. “If you’re staying over?”</p><p>Glenn shrugged one shoulder and Felix put the bag of groceries on the counter. He and Glenn were staring at each other, possibly having a psychic brother argument with their sharp glares alone—the intensity of a Fraldarius stare was the same, but Felix’s eyes were warm amber and Glenn’s were icy grey.</p><p>Sylvain wanted to flee. “I’ll go look,” he said and went into the other room. He found it in the first five minutes, but then spent another fifteen pretending to still look and finding some spare sheets. He didn’t think he was going to get away with hiding any longer than that, so came out after everything was set up.</p><p>Felix was cooking, which was a rare sight, but by the smell of it Sylvain didn’t think food poisoning was on the menu at least.</p><p>“That smells good,” Sylvain said, leaning over to see the only thing Felix knew how to actually cook. Tomato and egg stir-fry and noodles. Sylvain could smell the chili oil permeating the air, it reminded him of days spent at the Fraldarius house with Felix’s mom humming around the kitchen.</p><p>“Thanks,” Felix said, he was moving stuff around the pan now and made an amused huff when Sylvain came over to bump his hip as he grabbed some plates.</p><p>It was weird to have three people at the dinner table. Sylvain couldn’t remember the last time they’d had anyone other than Annette stay over for dinner—and generally Annette dinners involved the couch or floor and takeout.</p><p>“It’s local, but it’s better than nothing,” Glenn said, describing the audition (or interview?) he was going for—seemed like the station was closer to Charon than here.</p><p>“Wouldn’t staying with Dimitri be more convenient?” Felix asked, which was good because Sylvain had been thinking it.</p><p>Glenn shot Felix a level look, while he twisted noodles and egg onto his fork. “Feline, how long do you think little Dima is going to last when ‘Uncle Rodrigue’ asks him what I’m up to?”</p><p>Felix’s mouth twisted. “Are you still avoiding his calls?”</p><p>“I don’t need a nanny,” Glenn said. His voice was stiff and the sarcastic charm that usually dripped from it was replaced by a coolness. “Been doing fine the last few months on my own, baby brother.”</p><p>“You know why he’s worried,” Felix said, a strain underneath everything else in his voice.</p><p>“Leave it,” Glenn said, the coolness going even frostier.</p><p>Sylvain slipped his hand underneath the table and grabbed Felix’s hand that was a fist at his side, loosening each finger until he could interlace them and give him a reassuring squeeze. Felix didn’t react above the table, but he didn’t let go of Sylvain’s hand either.</p><p>“So how long do you think you’ll be staying over?” Sylvain asked, not particularly upset that it came out a little brisk.</p><p>“A day or so,” Glenn said. “I’ve got a place in Goneril I can stay while I’m waiting for them to realize I’m overqualified and offer me the job.”</p><p>“Holst?” Felix asked, eyebrows raising. “I thought you guys weren’t talking.”</p><p>“We don’t have to talk for me to stay in his guest room,” Glenn said easily. He snorted and slurped up noodles loudly. “I’d prefer it, honestly,” he said after swallowing. “He keeps pushing the idea of <em>coaching</em>.”</p><p>Felix let go of Sylvain’s hand and then dripped more chili oil onto his plate—Sylvain had thought it was a little less mouth burning than Felix normally liked it. Glenn must have warranted toning it down a bit.</p><p>“It’s not the worst idea,” Felix said.</p><p>“I already had to quit at the height of my career,” Glenn said, his voice a little strained now. “I don’t want to have to settle for this too. <em>Plenty</em> of other ball players are doing sports commentary now who don’t have half my charisma or charm.”</p><p>“Maybe you’re not as charming as you think,” Felix suggested. In Sylvain’s sibling relationship, Miklan probably would’ve tried to stab him with the fork. In Felix’s, Glenn just laughed and flipped him off.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>“So?” Sylvain asked once they’d gone their separate ways for sleep.</p><p>Felix pulled his pajamas on, which included an oversized GMU shirt he’d stolen from Sylvain before they’d even started dating. “What?” Felix asked, tiredly scrubbing at his face as he sat down on the bed.</p><p>“Felix,” Sylvain said, and leveled a look at him. “Come on.”</p><p>“It’s fine,” Felix said. “He’s… it’s none of my business what Glenn does. He’s right. He doesn’t need a nanny.”</p><p>Sylvain wrapped himself around Felix completely, pulling him half into his lap as he leaned against the headboard. “Felix.”</p><p>Felix leaned back against him. “I don’t want to turn into my old man, worrying about every little thing that could possibly happen and suffocating him. There’s a reason Glenn still answers my calls.”</p><p>“I promise not to tell anyone if you’re worried anyway,” Sylvain murmured against his shoulder. He felt Felix relax into his embrace at that and thrilled a little at being able to provide some kind of relief from the stress from all of this that Sylvain was sure had even more nuance and detail that neither Fraldarius was getting into.</p><p>Sylvain couldn’t help adjusting Felix the slight amount it took so that his ass was nestled perfectly against Sylvain’s slowly hardening dick. He kissed Felix’s neck and drew his hand down towards his bottoms, intent on a different kind of stress relief</p><p>“<em>Sylvain</em>,” Felix hissed, squirming against Sylvain’s hold on his hips. “Seriously?”</p><p>“He’s in the other room,” Sylvain said, continuing to kiss Felix’s neck and follow the line of it up to the spot right under his ear that made him melt. He bit softly at it and Felix squirmed, breathing out through his nose. It made his ass shift enough that Sylvain was pressing perfectly into the cleft of it—only two layers of fabric between them. Two too many.</p><p>“Sylvain…” Felix said in an exasperated grunt, as Sylvain started slipping his bottoms down.</p><p>Sylvain nosed behind Felix’s ear, and kept dragging the fabric down Felix’s hips with his thumbs. “We can be quiet—well <em>I</em> can be quiet.”</p><p>“Fuck you,” Felix snapped in a whisper.</p><p>“If that’s what you want, swee—” Sylvain didn’t get the rest out, because Felix elbowed him—causing Sylvain to have to smother his laugh in Felix’s shoulder.</p><p>“I can be quiet,” Felix said in another harsh whisper. He lifted his hips up and let Sylvain drag the rest of his pants down and kicked them off.</p><p>“You’re so competitive about everything,” Sylvain chuckled, drawing his hands up to smooth against the skin underneath Felix’s—technically Sylvain’s—top. He didn’t take it off, but flicked his thumbnails over each nipple.</p><p>Felix’s responding gasp was garbled as Felix put his fist up against his mouth. Sylvain did it again and automatically jerked his hips forward, pushing his sadly still clothed dick against Felix.</p><p>Because Felix was actually perfect, he ground down his with hips, pressing his bare skin flush against Sylvain’s growing erection. Sylvain pulled Felix further into his lap, rutting up against him while he toyed with Felix’s nipples—rolling them between his thumb and forefinger, pinching and twisting only a little so that Felix’s muffled noises started pitching upwards.</p><p>Felix’s other hand reached back behind to cup the back of Sylvain’s head, pulling him closer—not that there was much closer to go. Sylvain tasted the skin of Felix’s neck again, scraping his teeth against the little jut where his jaw met his ear.</p><p>Felix kept squirming, rocking his ass against Sylvain’s cock and making Sylvain have to muffle his own noises—and yearning affectionate praise—into Felix’s neck. It was ridiculous how hot it was, just dry humping Felix, only one layer of fabric between them. There was something about Felix trying to be quiet so badly he was biting on his fist that made it even hotter. </p><p>Sylvain could feel that familiar heat pooling in his abdomen and wrapped one of his hands around Felix’s cock, jerking it and his hips in tandem—fucking like they were in college and trying not to wake up their roommate. When Felix came he tugged hard on Sylvain’s head shoving him into his shoulder—which Sylvain sunk his teeth into, effectively muffling the grunt of pleasure as he spent all over his pajamas.</p><p>Felix was breathing hard as he came down from it, Sylvain couldn’t help but stroke the skin underneath his shirt, feeling the way Felix’s ribs expanded and contracted.</p><p>“See,” Felix muttered, his hand still clinging to the back of Sylvain’s head.</p><p>“You sure showed me, baby,” Sylvain said, kissing gently at the open spot of skin where Felix’s neck met his shoulder.</p><p>Felix half-heartedly smacked him on the leg and pushed off his lap to clean up.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>They rarely went to the bar down the street from their apartment. It wasn’t a particularly interesting location, the food was subpar, and it was easier to grab a six pack or a bottle and drink at home. Glenn being in town meant all kinds of changes though, including Felix suddenly having the ability to take days off and move his schedule around on a whim.</p><p>“He’s an okay guy,” Glenn said, his hand wrapped around a beer stein, “decent I’d say, but there’s no way in hell Raphael Kirsten is a better sports commentator than I would be. I doubt he can even spell referee.”</p><p>“You don’t know that he got it,” Felix said. He was holding a half-empty glass of bourbon and was flushed deeper than Glenn. It was difficult not to wrap an arm around him and take advantage of the appearance of tipsy Felix, but Sylvain really didn’t want to ruffle Glenn’s feathers.</p><p>“I know,” Glenn said, with a sigh. “I’ve developed a sixth sense for when I get fucked over in these things.”</p><p>Felix frowned. “What about writing for a sports magazine or one of those websites?”</p><p>Glenn’s mouth twitched down. He took a sip of his beer and then looked over at Felix with an assessing eye. “Speaking of wasted opportunities, why the fuck did you turn down Enbarr?”</p><p>Felix stared at Glenn for a long moment, going stiff in his seat. Then he looked incensed as he said, “Dimitri cannot keep his fucking mouth shut for <em>anything</em>.”</p><p>Glenn laughed. “Yeah, you should know that by now, but answer my question, squirt.”</p><p>“What’s Enbarr?” Sylvain asked. He’d been avoiding piping up, trying to let them catch up and talk, but this was the first he was hearing of it. Whatever it was.</p><p>Felix wasn’t looking at either of them. He was staring at his drink and gave a disinterested shrug. “It’s nothing.”</p><p>“Bullshit,” Glenn said.</p><p>“Drop it,” Felix said, gritting his teeth and glaring at his brother.</p><p>Glenn stared back at Felix and then his eyes flicked to Sylvain and the expression that took over his face made Sylvain feel a little sick. The disgust and disappointment reminded him of his own family—Glenn scoffed and looked away.</p><p>“Felix?” Sylvain didn’t like how the word came out, he tried salvaging it by touching Felix on the arm, trying to draw his attention away from glowering at his brother. He really didn’t like this feeling of being on the outside.</p><p>Felix looked over at him, the red from his face completely gone. He looked a little ill. He ran his tongue across his lip and said, “I got into the surgical program at Enbarr Imperial last year.”</p><p>“That’s—” Sylvain blinked. That was huge—according to every med student Sylvain had ‘dated’ who wouldn’t shut up about it. Why was this the first time he was hearing about this? Clearly Felix had talked to <em>Dimitri</em>. What the fuck? “Why didn’t you tell me?”</p><p>Felix shrugged and picked up his drink, taking a larger than normal sip. “It wasn’t a big deal. I just wanted to see if I could do it; and I did, so I turned it down.”</p><p>“You turned down the best surgical program in Fódlan for no reason at all?” Glenn asked in disbelief, his frown deepening. “You were pretending foam swords were scalpels since you were a chubby cheeked crybaby, but now it’s no big deal?”</p><p>“It <em>isn’t</em>,” Felix said. “I like what I’m doing. Fuck that, I <em>love</em> what I’m doing. I would’ve had to go back and repeat at least another two years of school before I’d even get to cut anything if I’d accepted that program and I didn’t—” His mouth snapped shut with a click and Felix looked like if he wasn’t blocked on both sides of the booth he’d be three seconds from storming off.</p><p>Sylvain wanted to poke at it, keep going and find out what the fuck was going on, but he didn’t want to do any of that in front of Glenn or in a public setting. So he leaned back in the booth instead and did what he did best—threw on a fake smile and changed the subject. “So Glenn, if you’re staying with your ex-boyfriend next, have you considered the option of making Holst your sugar daddy?”</p><p>Glenn gave him a withering stare. “I hate that I can’t kick you.”</p><p>Felix let out a tired huffed laugh and shot Sylvain a relieved look before nudging his leg with his own. Sylvain hated that he couldn’t enjoy it.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>They saw Glenn off a few hours later, in better spirits—or at least the Gautier way of pretending a fight wasn’t actually happening type of spirit. Sylvain couldn’t help pace as they got back to the apartment, trying to think of where to even start.</p><p>“There’s nothing to talk about,” Felix said, preemptively.</p><p>“I vehemently disagree,” Sylvain said. He remembered the look Glenn gave him, all disappointed judgement—and Felix not coming to his defense over that silent accusation. It wasn’t exactly nothing. Unless Sylvain was nothing. “Did you turn EIC down because of me?”</p><p>“No,” Felix said. Then he turned towards the wall and rested his hands on the back of his hips, sighing. “It wasn’t the only reason.”</p><p>“What the fuck, Felix?” Sylvain couldn’t believe this. “You didn’t think I’d be supportive? You didn’t even <em>consider</em> talking to your boyfriend about it? I would’ve been thrilled to move with you if that’s what you wanted.”</p><p>Felix’s derisive snort morphed into a scoff. “Right.”</p><p>“The hell is that supposed to mean?” Sylvain took a step forward, grabbed Felix’s arm and turned him around to actually meet his eye. “Felix?”</p><p>Felix stared at him—his jaw shifted. “You didn’t handle moving an <em>hour</em> away well, you really think you’d be fine moving to the other side of Fódlan? Away from Faerghus?”</p><p>Sylvain dropped Felix’s arm, only to keep from tightening his fingers on it. “What do you mean I didn’t <em>handle </em>it?”</p><p>Felix crossed his arms over his chest. “You don’t go out anymore. You barely talk to old friends and you haven’t made any new ones. You went from an extroverted people person to a shut-in. All you do is play video games and hate your job.”</p><p>“Plenty of people play video games and hate their job,” Sylvain snapped. “Also what else am I supposed to do? You’re never home.”</p><p>Felix shut his eyes for a moment and breathed out. “I am <em>always</em> home.”</p><p>Only if Sylvain insisted on picking him up. Only if Sylvain begged, wheedled, and cavorted for his time. “I’ve seen the pictures, Felix,” he snapped. “You have plenty of extra time to cosy up to your new work pals—if you’d rather spend time with them than me, just fucking tell me.”</p><p>Felix dropped his arms to his sides with a slap and pursed his lips. “You <em>know</em> that’s not—” He cut himself off with a frustrated grunt. “Enbarr would’ve been even more hours than now. Spent with other people! So no, you weren’t the only reason I turned it down, but it was clearly the right decision with the way you’re acting.”</p><p>“You can’t blame me for things that didn’t get the chance to happen. When you didn’t even talk to me,” Sylvain said, trying to keep the swirl of dark anger rising in his gut from breaking out. “You have no idea how I would or wouldn’t have reacted because you didn’t think I deserved to even be included in the conversation. You told <em>Dimitri</em> and not me?”</p><p>Felix had the courtesy to look at least a little ashamed about that. “I wasn’t… I wasn’t keeping it from you, if I’d wanted to accept I would have told you.”</p><p>“You see how that’s not the same thing, right?”</p><p>Felix frowned and looked away from him. “Sometimes talking to you doesn’t help me make a decision.”</p><p>“What is <em>that</em> supposed to mean?”</p><p>A muscle in Felix’s jaw twitched. “I can’t think about me, if I’m thinking about you.”</p><p>Sylvain stared at him, trying to bore holes in the side of his face. When Felix didn’t turn back towards him, Sylvain took a step forward and grabbed both sides of Felix’s face turning it towards him—to at least have the decency to look at Sylvain when he said shit like that. “That’s a lie, Felix and you know it. We weren't even dating when you dropped scalpels and chased after anything that would put Glenn back together.”</p><p>Felix jerked his chin out of Sylvain’s grip and shoved him. “Fuck you. That has nothing to do with it.”</p><p>“Really?” Sylvain asked. “Because the timing was pretty weird—Glenn has the accident, everything falls apart, and you suddenly shift your single-focused plan to become a surgeon so that you can downgrade into working on recovery. You can’t blame <em>me</em> for that.”</p><p>“I wasn’t blaming you!” Felix held his hand out like he was going to either reach for Sylvain or hit him. He pulled it back and tightened both his hands into fists at his sides. “That’s not what happened,” he said. “And it doesn’t matter. Why are we even fighting about this? I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, okay?”</p><p>Sylvain raised his eyebrows and blinked at him. “That’s it?”</p><p>Felix just stared at him. “What do you <em>want</em> from me, Sylvain?”</p><p>Sylvain stared back. How could he not get it? “You, Felix,” he said. “I just want <em>you</em>.”</p><p>Felix let out a long breath, loosening his hands with it and dropping some of the tightness in his shoulders. He stepped forward, placed a hand on Sylvain’s face that moved to the base of his skull and drew Sylvain’s head down so their foreheads were touching. Felix pressed his nose into the side of Sylvain’s, and said, “You have me.”</p><p>It should have soothed him, but there was a tripwire in Sylvain’s brain, it was frazzled, disconnected, and spraying electricity everywhere. It wasn’t enough. He needed to <em>know</em> Felix meant it.</p><p>Sylvain grabbed at Felix, drawing him up into a biting kiss, trying erase this, like every other stupid fight—his hands roamed and groped at Felix’s ass and he started reaching for anything he could get into, when Felix shoved him backwards. It was more than a performative protest and sent Sylvain stepping back onto his heel to keep his balance.</p><p>“What?” Sylvain asked, darkly. “Not good enough to talk to and not good enough to fuck now either?”</p><p>Felix’s lip was a little swollen and his shirt was mussed. “Not <em>everything</em> has to be about sex, Sylvain!”</p><p>“<em>Nothing</em> ever is lately,” Sylvain said, feeling the tripwire snap. “We’d probably never fuck at all if we weren’t fighting.”</p><p>Felix stared at him, his mouth twisting in confused irritation. “What are you talking about?”</p><p>“You only fuck like you mean it—like <em>I</em> mean something when I pick a fight.”</p><p>Felix’s confusion morphed into something else. His eyes widened a little and he let out a soft breath. “What?”</p><p>“It’s not all the time,” Sylvain said, backtracking even as he felt like sticking his feet into the dirt and staying put. “You have to admit it’s been better lately.”</p><p>Sylvain steeled himself for Felix to get mad, slight to fairly pissed in a way that probably wouldn’t lead to sexy mind-blowing orgasms—but instead, Felix’s eyes were glassy and he was perfectly still as he stared at him.</p><p>Felix’s voice, however, was pissed. “I have been walking on fucking eggshells and trying everything to make this work and you’re picking fights so that we can <em>fuck</em> to your standards?”</p><p>The distance between them was small, but it felt like a chasm with the way Felix was looking at him. Sylvain hated that look. He would do anything to make him stop looking at him like that.</p><p>“No,” Sylvain said, scrambling for purchase, “I’m not… look I know it wasn’t the best idea, but I didn’t know what else to do. I just want to be your priority sometimes, Felix? You put work first, which yeah I get it, you’re in a crunch right now, but you still find time for Leonie, or Ingrid, or Dimitri, or Annette—you took <em>two days</em> off for Glenn.” He breathed out, trying not to add fuel to the fire. “I can’t even get you to stop treating me like a job.”</p><p>“Then stop being so much work!” Felix snarled. “You don’t think anything is enough unless there’s sex involved. Not everything has to be about how <em>well</em> you feel you’re getting fucked. What if I didn’t <em>want</em> to have sex, Sylvain? What if I wasn’t in the fucking mood ever again? What if sex was off the table completely? Would we even—”</p><p>Felix cut himself off and glared down at the floor, his voice sounded like he’d chewed gravel. “I don’t have to even ask, do I? We can go out. We can stay in. I can try to do shit you like to do, but unless you’re getting laid there’s no point in us.”</p><p>“That’s <em>not</em> what I said.” Sylvain reached out for him—this was all going sideways, of course he hadn’t meant that—Felix avoided him, dodging to the side and then stormed off to the bedroom. “Felix!” Sylvain called after him. “That isn’t what I meant!”</p><p>The door slammed shut and Sylvain grunted, angrily dragging his fingers through his hair and yanking hard on the roots. He was too frustrated to think of anything right now. Maybe he’d spend another night on the couch, let Felix get the sulking out of his system and then they could talk about it. He could explain… Felix could <em>listen</em>.</p><p>Felix stopped sulking sooner than Sylvain expected, slamming the door back open only a few minutes later. He had his gym bag slung over his shoulder.</p><p>Sylvain’s laugh was mirthless. “Are you <em>seriously</em> going to the gym right now?”</p><p>Felix went to the door and grabbed his shoes. “No,” he said, bending down to put them on. “I’m going to stay with Annette.”</p><p>It felt like the floor collapsed beneath them. “Felix, don’t be dramatic. I can sleep on the couch and we can—talk about it when we’ve calmed down.”</p><p>Felix finished tying his laces and stood to grab his keys, lying on the counter instead of the hook. He didn’t even look at Sylvain or give him the dignity of a response. Great, fine—he had to sulk and punish Sylvian by not even doing it in the same apartment. He could survive that, even if it was horribly mean and making Sylvain’s trachea twist into knots. </p><p>Sylvain let out a frustrated breath. “Felix—”</p><p>Felix stopped with his hand on the doorknob. He turned his head over his shoulder and shot Sylvain a hard, unblinking look with red rimmed eyes. “Now you can fuck as much as you want.”</p><p>Sylvain barely had a chance to take in another breath before Felix was out the door, slamming it shut behind him. It was a formless piece of wood that separated them and Sylvain didn’t know how to process that it wasn’t opening again. That it wasn’t—</p><p>“Felix?”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Comments &amp; Kudos always massively appreciated! If you are enjoying this, please bump it on twitter <a href="https://twitter.com/waffle_fancy/status/1333108878205018114">here</a>!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Sylvain</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Sylvain attempts to fix what he broke. </p><p>(or, sylvain dug a very big hole and it takes a while to climb out)</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This is technically the last chapter and OH BOY IS IT A BIG ONE - fourteen friggin' K (the next chapter will be an epilogue of sorts that'll I'll do eventually). Content warnings still apply, there's also a lot of digging into mental health stuff and medication if that is not your thing! Mentions of depression, unhealthy coping mechanisms, and various other warnings from before!</p><p>I'd recommend workskin on for this one.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><div class="phone">
  <p class="messagebody"><span class="header"><span class="hide"><b>Shark Cutie</b></span>Shark Cutie</span><br/>
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<span class="breply"><span class="hide"><b>Sylvain: </b></span>please pick up</span><br/>
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<span class="time">Read 7:05 PM</span><br/>
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<p></p><div class="phone">
  <p class="messagebody"><span class="header"><span class="hide"><b>Shark Cutie</b></span>Shark Cutie</span><br/>
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<span class="breply"><span class="hide"><b>Sylvain: </b></span>felix, please pick up we need to talk</span><br/>
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<span class="time">Read 11:52 PM</span><br/>
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<p></p><div class="phone">
  <p class="messagebody"><span class="header"><span class="hide"><b>annie you’re OK</b></span>annie you’re OK</span><br/>
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<span class="breply"><span class="hide"><b>Sylvain: </b></span>please get felix to pick up his phone</span><br/>
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<span class="breply"><span class="hide"><b>Sylvain: </b></span>it’s been three days</span><br/>
<span class="text"><span class="hide"><b>Annette: </b></span>no</span><br/>
<span class="text"><span class="hide"><b>Annette: </b></span>he’ll talk to you when he wants to. let him have some space</span><br/>
<span class="breply"><span class="hide"><b>Sylvain: </b></span>how much space does he need???</span><br/>
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<p></p><div class="phone">
  <p class="messagebody"><span class="header"><span class="hide"><b>sweetheart</b></span>sweetheart</span><br/>
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<span class="breply"><span class="hide"><b>Sylvain: </b></span>felix, for seirois sake talk to me!!</span><br/>
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<span class="time">Read 4:27 AM</span><br/>
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<p></p><div class="phone">
  <p class="messagebody"><span class="header"><span class="hide"><b>(hates u)</b></span>(hates u)</span><br/>
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<span class="breply"><span class="hide"><b>Sylvain: </b></span>that was really fucked up</span><br/>
<span class="breply"><span class="hide"><b>Sylvain: </b></span>you’re not talking to me and you had to get all your stuff while I was out?</span><br/>
<span class="breply"><span class="hide"><b>Sylvain: </b></span>what the fuck felix</span><br/>
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<span class="time">Read 6:42 PM</span><br/>
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  <p class="messagebody"><span class="header"><span class="hide"><b>Prince Charming</b></span>Prince Charming</span><br/>
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<span class="text"><span class="hide"><b>Dimitri: </b></span>I don’t think it is my place to get in the middle of this</span><br/>
<span class="text"><span class="hide"><b>Dimitri: </b></span>I’m sorry</span><br/>
<span class="breply"><span class="hide"><b>Sylvain: </b></span>I JUST want to talk to him! u are ALWAYS talking to him</span><br/>
<span class="breply"><span class="hide"><b>Sylvain: </b></span>just tell him to talk to me!</span><br/>
<span class="text"><span class="hide"><b>Dimitri: </b></span>I doubt that would help. Felix doesn’t generally listen when anyone tells him to do something he doesn’t want to</span><br/>
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  <p class="messagebody"><span class="header"><span class="hide"><b>(hates u)</b></span>Felix</span><br/>
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<span class="breply"><span class="hide"><b>Sylvain: </b></span>felix</span><br/>
<span class="breply"><span class="hide"><b>Sylvain: </b></span>I love you. I’m sorry. Please talk to me. I’ll do whatever you want to fix this</span><br/>
<span class="time">Unread</span><br/>
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</div><p> </p><p>Annette’s girlfriend was half the height of Sylvain’s left leg but was somehow managing to look like she’d descale him with her fingernails if he got any closer.</p><p>“Felix is not here and you should not be either,” Fish Girl said. Sylvain was struggling to remember her actual name.</p><p>“I <em>have</em> to talk to him,” Sylvain said. He couldn’t sleep. He could barely function—which meant work was about the same. A week without Felix was like someone had carved out a piece of his insides and then filled the hole it left with glass shards. It’d gone too far. This was too much. He <em>had</em> to fix it.</p><p>“No,” Annette’s girlfriend said, narrowing her eyes at him. “I have heard well of your previous reputation and I will have no part of it. You need to keep your distance from here.”</p><p>“My <em>reputation</em>?” Sylvain balked.</p><p>“You are a philanderer,” Fish Girl said. “You flirt with inanimate objects if they are near enough to you.”</p><p>“Just because it’s funny,” Sylvain said. He couldn’t believe this.</p><p>He looked around her, which wasn’t difficult, trying to see through the door. If Felix wasn’t here he had to be at work, but Sylvain didn’t think surprising him there would earn him any favors considering how he reacted when they weren’t… in a fight. Fuck, he hoped that’s all this was. A bad fight. A footnote in their long, <em>long</em> future history.</p><p>“When is he coming back then?” Sylvain asked. He crossed his arms over his chest, hoping his size would make it clear he wasn’t afraid of half a pint of aquarium water.“I’ll wait.”</p><p>“You shall do no such thing,” Fish Girl said.</p><p>Sylvain stared down at her. She was shorter than <em>Annette</em>. “I’ll. Wait.”</p><p>Fish Girl narrowed her eyes at him and her mouth opened, but whatever aquatic threat she was going to lay on him was cut off by the door opening behind her. Sylvain’s heart jumped into his throat and he almost choked on it, but it wasn’t Felix behind the door.</p><p>Annette looked at him with the same disappointed face he’d been getting his entire life. Seeing it on sweet Annie’s face made him feel like crawling into the floor. “Sylvain. You need to leave.”</p><p>“I have to talk to him,” Sylvain said again, he could hear the rip in his throat as the words tied themselves into knots around his ribcage. He didn’t even care if he started crying in front of her at this point. He was going insane. “He’s completely shut me out.”</p><p>Annette stared at him. Her lips pursed a little. He hoped it was sympathy, but he doubted it. “You’re not going to fix that by taking away a place he feels is safe.”</p><p>“I’m…” Sylvain took a step back like she’d hit him. “Annette, I’m not <em>dangerous</em>. I just… how else am I supposed to fix this?”</p><p>Annette looked away from him. That was an answer in itself and Sylvain felt like he was going to vomit. He couldn’t even think about not fixing this. Felix was all he had.</p><p>“<em>Please</em>,” Sylvain said. “It isn’t… he got the wrong idea about the whole thing.”</p><p>“Go home, Sylvain,” Annette said, firmly. She frowned again and lifted her chin a little. “I’m sorry, but you’re not welcome here.”</p><p>It was like getting kicked in the nuts by the human version of a cupcake. Sylvain <em>was</em> going to throw up. He dragged himself away, tail between his legs, cowering from two women who stacked together didn’t even reach his chin.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Sylvain couldn’t sleep. It was becoming a regular occurrence. It didn’t help that there was a gaping void next to him in the bed he was supposed to be sharing. All he could do if he turned his head was see the memory of Felix’s sleepy blinking and mussed up hair. It wasn’t there anymore. Neither was the feeling of Felix wrapping his limbs around him at night to warm up. Was he even warm enough right now?</p><p>If Sylvain wasn’t staying up haunting social media for any sign of Felix (a foolish hope, since he was barely visible on good days), Sylvain was replaying that last fight in his mind over and over again. If he’d kept his mouth shut. If he’d said <em>something</em> to convince Felix to stay…</p><p>And he kept picturing Felix’s face. The one Sylvain had on some level always been waiting for. The dawning horror that Sylvain was exactly as shitty as he never let himself believe.</p><p>Sylvain stared at the dark ceiling, willing himself not to go over every single moment where he’d presumably fucked up everything by existing, with little success.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Sylvain didn’t love driving the hour to get to Ingrid and Dorothea’s neck of the woods, but he sure fucking liked it better than staying in that haunted hellscape called his apartment. Dorothea met him at the bar she used to work at—she was easy to talk to and was actually talking to him, unlike everyone else who’d agreed with Felix and decided Sylvain should be excommunicated from all friendships.</p><p>“I know it was fucked up,” Sylvain said, running his hands through his hair and ironically (because what was his miserable existence without irony) wishing he’d taken the train so his water in front of him could have been alcohol. “I didn’t start out that way. I wanted to… I wanted to spend some time with him. He’s a workaholic and runs himself dry, I just…”</p><p>Sylvain snorted and tugged on his own hair, pulling at the roots until it was a little painful. “I just wanted to know he was still invested in us and wasn’t planning on leaving me for his job.”</p><p>Dorothea didn’t say anything. Dorothea hadn’t said anything for the last fifteen minutes while Sylvain had been breaking himself open and exposing the meat of his bones to her. She wasn’t even paying attention to him now—she was on her <em>phone</em>.</p><p>Sylvain couldn’t believe this. “I’m baring my soul and you’re not even listening?”</p><p>Dorothea glanced up from whatever was so interesting on her Crest Phone. “I’m listening. I’ve been transcribing the details for Ingrid.”</p><p>“Oh, fuck,” Sylvain said, sitting up in his chair. “<em>Why</em>?”</p><p>He knew Ingrid would find out eventually, but he wanted a sympathetic ear first before she ripped him a new one. It wasn’t like their relationship was built on Ingrid giving him the benefit of the doubt when it came to anything to do in the romantic department.</p><p>“This is above my pay grade,” Dorothea said, simply.</p><p>Sylvain hoped the betrayal he felt was properly being expressed in his voice. “I thought we were friends?”</p><p>“Did you?” Dorothea asked, like she already knew the answer. “I didn’t. You’re Ingrid’s friend and Felix’s boyfriend. I’m Ingrid’s girlfriend and Felix’s friend. You and I talk occasionally, but we’re not exactly close.”</p><p>Sylvain was never going to stop being stabbed by people apparently. Maybe he needed to start showing his back before conversations so they could get it in early. “Is this because I skipped your play?”</p><p>Dorothea rolled her eyes. “I didn’t love that, but no. You’ve never made any actual effort to get to know me. It’s <em>fine,</em>” she added. “I don’t have to be friends with all of Ingrid’s friends, but the assumption that our occasional chats when we’re in the same vicinity—which is rare since college—is a friendship is frankly ridiculous.”</p><p>“That is seriously fucked up, ‘thea,” Sylvain said. He and her were friends. They talked! He even occasionally threw up funny comments on her Indechgram posts.</p><p>“Ingrid’s on her way over,” Dorothea said. “I’m sure she’ll have more insight into your… current situation than I would anyway.”</p><p>Sylvain could flagellate on his own. He didn’t need to bring in the expert. “I’m not sticking around so Ingrid can yell at me.” He stood up from the booth and refused to pick up the check for once. Fuck her.</p><p>Dorothea looked up at him and her expression was inscrutable. “Did you really want an ear and advice or did you think I’d tell you what you wanted to hear?”</p><p>Sylvain scowled at her. “Only my friends get to ask me petty shit like that,” he said, before turning around. He made his way to his car as quickly as possible and made a note to ignore every single call from Ingrid for the next week.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Ingrid didn’t call him. She showed up outside of his office after a particularly boring shift of six meetings that could’ve been emails—basically only to discuss having future meetings of the same vein.</p><p>He considered strangling himself with his own tie so he could end this quickly. “I don’t want to hear it.”</p><p>“Too bad,” Ingrid said. She was leaning against his car, which she’d somehow managed to bloodhound her way towards in the vastness of the parking lot.</p><p>“Fine,” Sylvain said, undoing his tie and only briefly reconsidering tightening it into a noose. “Not here.” She could dump on him at the apartment. It was the setting for that kind of thing after all.</p><p>Ingrid followed him easily and showed up almost at the same time as he arrived. She was too close as he entered the building to even consider letting her get locked out. She followed him silently up the stairs and he debated the merits of running his head into a wall. A concussion could probably get him out of this.</p><p>Sylvain shrugged his jacket off and tried not to grimace as Ingrid automatically took her shoes off before entering.</p><p>“Do you want to tell me what happened?” she asked.</p><p>“Didn’t your girlfriend already give you the play-by-play?” Sylvain folded his jacket and left it on the counter in lieu of his usual going straight to the bedroom to hang it up. After a second or two he kicked his shoes off and punted them in the direction of the door.</p><p>Ingrid looked at him, an appraising eyebrow raised. “I’d prefer to hear it from you.”</p><p>Sylvain rubbed his hand over his face. He was so tired. “Look, just yell whatever you want at me and get it over with. You’re not going to make me feel worse than I already do.”</p><p>Ingrid didn’t say anything to that. She walked towards the kitchen as if she'd actually been in the apartment more than one since they’d moved in and rooted around the pantry until she came up with a carton of cookies Sylvain hadn’t even opened yet. She tore the edge of the packet and leaned against the counter. “You can keep moping if you’d like or you could actually tell me your side of things.”</p><p>“Did you talk to Felix?” Sylvain asked, choking on a mixture of hope and disgust—she’d probably already picked her side too.</p><p>“Annette filled me in,” Ingrid said. “I don’t think Felix is feeling chatty.”</p><p>“Yeah, no shit.” Sylvain walked towards the couch and slumped back on it. His shoulders felt better immediately, but the strain in his neck and the confirmation of Felix’s assessment on his shitty work setup only made him feel worse.</p><p>The crunching of the cookies sounded before Ingrid’s footsteps. She made her way around the couch and sat next to him. “You seriously were picking fights to have better sex?”</p><p>“Yes,” Sylvain said. He didn’t look at her and instead settled for his favorite viewpoint lately, the ceiling. “I’m a terrible, heartless, piece of shit that only cares about fucking. I have no actual human emotions whatsoever.”</p><p>“Sylvain…” Ingrid had the exact same tone of frustration that Felix did. Sylvain used to think it was endearing. Now it felt like getting smothered with a pillow. Instead of yelling at him, however, she took a breath and then said, “Tell me anyway.”</p><p>Sylvain glanced at her. There were cookie crumbs on the corner of her mouth, ruining a little of the seriousness of her expression. He felt himself cave. “I didn’t know what else to do,” Sylvain said. “He kept pulling back. He’d <em>been</em> pulling back even before this apparently. Did you know he got accepted into the Enbarr med program?”</p><p>Ingrid shook her head. At least Felix hadn’t told one person before Sylvain… not that he’d <em>told</em> Sylvain at all.</p><p>“I felt like I was losing him and I wanted to… I thought if we were keeping it hot, at least he’d have some reason to come home.”</p><p>“You weren’t losing him,” Ingrid said, with less chiding than he was expecting. “He got busy. It happens.”</p><p>“You don’t get it,” Sylvain said. No one got it. Especially not people with their perfect relationships and dream jobs.</p><p>“I do actually,” Ingrid said quietly. Her lips twitched briefly upwards and then down a little as she turned her gaze back to the (likely half empty) bag of cookies. “It’s difficult to know how to approach a mature adult relationship when you haven’t actually seen one.”</p><p>Sylvain frowned, trying to find the insult hidden in there but wasn’t sure what she was getting at. Thankfully, after a large bite of another cookie, she continued.</p><p>“Neither of us grew up with good examples of that. My father… means well, but he never really knew how to handle things after my mother died. She did so too early for me to even know what they were supposed to be like. Dimitri’s never known anything but Lambert and Patricia and Felix…” She paused for a moment and closed the cookie bag, signifying her seriousness. “Before his mom passed, he knew what a happy marriage was supposed to look like.”</p><p>Sylvain remembered how strange it had been when he was younger. Seeing Felix’s parents act like they actually liked each other. It would be a cold day in hell before Sylvain ever saw his mother casually touch his father out of affection.</p><p>“So I get to blame bad parenting again?” Sylvain asked, forcing amusement into his voice.</p><p>“No,” Ingrid said, not taking the bait. “You get to figure out what’s broken so you can fix it.”</p><p>Sylvain stared at her long enough that she opened the bag of cookies again. The wafting scent of sugar and chocolate came moments before she shoved her hand in. “Care to share your wisdom then?”</p><p>“Therapy,” Ingrid said, biting down a cookie. “Dorothea convinced me to get it—to dig into my <em>Faerghus repression</em>.”</p><p>“I don’t think talking to someone is going to help,” Sylvain said. He’d have made a joke about how it wasn’t what good Faerghus kids did, but didn’t want to confirm Dorothea’s obvious biases. “I’m good at talking and it hasn’t gotten me anywhere.” Hard to do when Felix wouldn’t get near enough for him to do it.</p><p>“You’d be surprised,” Ingrid said. “It was… really illuminating to talk to someone outside of it all. There were—<em>are</em> things that I do that are really unhealthy.”</p><p>He stared at her and barely resisted glancing down at the bag of cookies and raising an eyebrow.</p><p>“Mentally,” Ingrid said, primly.</p><p>Sylvain thought about that for a moment and then leaned a little more comfortably back on the couch. Everyone loved throwing that word around like it solved everything. He’d seen someone once, after Miklan finally got thrown out of the fucking house and his parents pretended to give a shit about his wellbeing, but he couldn’t get past the idea they were feeding all of his complaints back to his parents. Not to mention how strange and awkward it felt hearing someone repeat back to you what you’d just said—Sylvain could do that to himself in a mirror.</p><p>“I don’t think me going to therapy is going to fix me and Felix.” He was starting to think nothing would. If Felix didn’t want to…</p><p>Ingrid nudged him and handed him the bag of cookies—an extremely generous gesture, if he hadn’t been the one who’d bought them in the first place. He took one anyway, magnanimously.</p><p>She sucked chocolate off her thumb. “It’s not about Felix. It’s about you.”</p><p>“I don’t care about <em>me</em>,” Sylvain said, automatically. He ignored Ingrid’s judgey eyebrow by shoving the cookie in his mouth.</p><p>“Trying it is better than moping and doing nothing,” Ingrid said. She pulled her phone out of her jeans. “I’m sending you the contact information for the office I go to. They might have a recommendation even if they’re not accepting new patients.”</p><p>“What’d they head shrink you for anyway?” Sylvain asked.</p><p>Ingrid finished texting him and pursed her lips when she heard his text tone for her, a whip-crack. “Control issues.”</p><p>Sylvain leaned back on the couch, wondering if she’d bite his finger if he grabbed another cookie. “Seems to me it’s not working, considering you followed me from work and are trying to strong-arm me into seeing a therapist.”</p><p>“You’re <em>never</em> something I can control,” Ingrid said, in an exasperated and utterly familiar tone.</p><p>He snatched the bag away from her and shoved his hand in, but his petty gesture failed, because it was empty.</p><p>“Bring up the food theft at your next session,” Sylvain suggested.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>“So,” Sylvain said to the awkward space between him and the mental health professional looking at him like a bug underneath a magnifying glass. “This the part where I tell you about my terrible childhood and you conflate it to me wanting to fuck my mother?”</p><p>Doctor Shamir Nevrand didn’t even blink. “Do you want to fuck your mother?”</p><p>Fucking hell. “No,” Sylvain said. “It was a joke. Am I allowed to tell those here?”</p><p>The blank and somewhat alarmingly dangerous look in the violet eyes of the therapist the clinic had recommended seemed to imply no.</p><p>Sylvain tapped his fingers against the edge of his seat. He was doing this because he was desperate and because Ingrid was incredibly good at guilting him into things. He sighed and shifted in his seat.</p><p>“So. You need my sordid backstory or what?”</p><p>Shamir really didn’t seem to blink; it was creepy. “First, I’d like to know what you want to get out of this so neither of us waste our time.”</p><p>“I don’t know,” Sylvain said. He could already feel like he was going to disappoint her—he was an expert at it by now. Why not spread it to strangers? “Ingrid made me come here. She should tell you what you need to fix.”</p><p>Shamir narrowed her eyes at him and glanced down at the notebook in front of her. She wrote something down in harsh angry strokes. Not cryptic at all.</p><p>“Writing down what a lost cause I am?” Sylvain said, with a snort. “Look at that, a new record. I <em>am</em> finally accomplishing something in my life.”</p><p>Shamir’s eyes flicked up from the notebook. “You use a lot of self-deprecating humor, I’m guessing.”</p><p>“Maybe,” Sylvain said. It wasn’t like he kept count. “Its better to laugh about it than be a sullen blackhole, right?”</p><p>“No,” Shamir said, without hesitation. “It reinforces whatever negative trait you’re attempting to laugh off.”</p><p>Sylvain crossed his legs in the opposite direction. He resisted the urge to tuck his legs underneath him or get up to sit on the arm of the chair. “No one wants to be around people who… wallow.”</p><p>“No one is Ingrid or someone else?” Shamir asked too pointedly.</p><p>Sylvain was beginning to feel the heat of that magnifying glass she was holding. Weren't they supposed to dance around the subject and gently lead him into it? “People in general,” he said.</p><p>“That’s been your experience?” she asked, easily. It was a hair away from patronizing.</p><p>“Yeah, that’s been my experience,” Sylvain said. “Fine,” he said, stiffly. “Let’s jump into the tragic backstory of the spoiled rich kid. My older brother was a screw-up, who my parents gave up on once I was born and they had a do-over. Unsurprisingly, he wasn’t a fan of me. Used to try and injure, maim, and murder me as an extracurricular activity.”</p><p>“When did he stop?” Shamir asked, flatly.</p><p>Sylvain wasn’t sure if he was relieved or annoyed by her lack of empty sympathy. Probably relieved. “When I was seventeen and he got cut off completely. I mean… minus the incident a couple of years later where he tried to run me over with his car, but that barely counts considering he crashed it and almost killed himself.” He snorted, dryly. “Like, at least get a car that doesn’t have a stuck gearshift if you’re going to attempt fratricide.”</p><p>“Hm,” Shamir said and made a few more angry strokes on her notebook.</p><p>“My car was nicer,” Sylvain said. “My parents bought it for me as a graduation gift. Pretty sure Miklan stole his. Don’t know why he didn’t try to steal a better one, but I guess my intact spine appreciates his terrible taste.”</p><p>Shamir was still writing angry strokes on her notebook. Sylvain felt like there was an itch creeping up the back of his neck. “I’m not… blaming my problems on him.” He glanced up at the ceiling. “My parents maybe. They’re always pretty good for that.”</p><p>“What problems?” Shamir asked, then added at Sylvain’s frown, “You came here for a reason, whether or not your friend insisted on it.”</p><p>“I fucked things up with my boyfriend,” Sylvain said. “If you have the magic key to making him forgive me and…” Come back. Still love him. Talk to him. Look at him. Not hate him. “I’ll take it.”</p><p>“There’s no one-size fits all solution and I’m not a couple’s therapist,” Shamir said.</p><p>“Then why am I even here?” Sylvain asked. “I don’t…” He didn’t really see the need to fix himself if it wasn’t going to do anything. He’d been living with himself long enough to put up with worse.</p><p>“Yes, I asked that at the beginning of our session,” Shamir said. “Why are you here?”</p><p>“I don’t know,” Sylvain said, again. A little more defeated this time. “I don’t really have anywhere else to be.”</p><p>“I can work with that,” Shamir said.</p><p>Sylvain had a chill run up his spine. For some reason that felt foreboding.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>“It’s just—” Sylvain had made Shamir go over the whole therapy confidentiality thing at least eight times (to the point where he was pretty sure she was going stab him with her pen at one point), but he still felt like a camera was rolling and going to reveal his secrets if he said anything too terrible. “They’re all busy with their perfect lives and jobs. Every time someone asks me how work is—because what else would they ask me about, not like I have anything else going on—I want to scream.”</p><p>“Is that the reason you’ve been avoiding your friends?”</p><p>Sylvain winced. “I’m not avoiding them. I’ve asked them to hang out plenty of times, but they’re all busy. They're always busy and me being the one to constantly ask means I’m <em>not</em> busy so I don’t really love being reminded of that.”</p><p>“When was the last time you asked one of your friends out?” Shamir asked.</p><p>Fuck. Sylvain tried to think. He supposed birthdays didn’t count. It wasn’t like he’d organized their parties up—they all had perfect partners who hadn’t left them and didn’t refuse to return any phone calls for that.</p><p>“I’ve been to Ashe and Dedue’s restaurant a lot,” he said. Not lately, but he didn’t really feel up to any effort in the food department without Felix to impress.</p><p>“That’s not what I asked,” Shamir said.</p><p>“A while,” Sylvain said, irritated. “Fine, it’s been a while. It’s not like I’ve gotten a ton of invitations either.” Dorothea’s play didn’t count since they weren’t <em>friends</em> after all.</p><p>“Hm,” Shamir said, her favorite word as she scratched something on that infuriating notepad. He debated the merits of grabbing it and chucking it out the window, but decided that probably wasn’t part of the <em>process</em> or whatever.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>It was Felix’s birthday. It was also over a month since Sylvain had spoken or seen him.It’d been long enough to cool off, have a talk, say <em>something</em>… being completely iced out was killing Sylvain.</p><p>This was the longest he’d gone without contact with Felix. Even before they’d started dating.</p><p>He spent the entire day moping and sending Felix images of cats with birthday hats, none of which he replied to or seemed to see. Towards the end of the night he’d gotten drunk enough to stalk social media again for any sign of Felix, which was about as effective as looking for a mythical demonic beast.</p><p>But it was Felix’s birthday, so he was all over Sylvain’s feed. There wasn’t a single post from his lonely social media profiles, but everyone else was wishing empty birthday wishes. Annette posted a few pictures, mostly of Felix looking annoyed that she was taking his picture, but a few of him smiling softly at her cat.</p><p>Dimitri posted a picture from grade school that if Felix checked social media would’ve infuriated him. It had the unintended effect of making the throbbing pain in Sylvain’s chest flare up again. It was all of them at Dimitri’s house, near the back, after a horrible attempt at tree climbing that left all of them with scraped knees and chins. Felix still had those soft chubby cheeks and his eyes were red from where he’d been crying (not at the bruises or scrapes, but the fact that Ingrid won the climbing contest). Dimitri had an arm around his shoulder and they were both beaming at the camera. Ingrid was smiling too, adorably missing some teeth.</p><p>Sylvain was behind them, two years older and taller at that point. His hands were on Felix’s free shoulder and he was looking more at the back of Felix’s head than the camera. Sylvain had no idea what he was thinking about then—but fuck if he didn’t wish he could go back and shake that kid to tell him to not screw everything up.</p><p>When Sylvain ran out of tagged and untagged pictures on his feed he went to the profiles of Felix’s coworkers. There was a picture from a couple of days ago of a group of them all out at some bar. Felix was smiling grimly at the camera, still in his scrubs. Sylvain was in the middle of drunkenly trying to figure out if Felix looked tired or happy and what that meant when his screen flashed with a notification.</p><p>Glenn was starting a livestream. Sylvain stared at the notif and barely hesitated before clicking. Thankfully, Glenn had too many followers to notice Sylvain sneaking in. There was music drifting in the background and Glenn wasn’t in the frame. Instead it was Felix, sitting in a booth and staring at his watch with an irritated expression. </p><p>“My baby brother,” Glenn’s voice from the background, “thinking about ditching out of his own birthday early. You see what I have to put up with?”</p><p>Felix looked up at him. The dark circles under his eyes seemed a little more intense than normal, but mostly Sylvain wanted to trace his cheekbones and grab at his hand through the phone screen.</p><p>Felix frowned at the camera. “What are you doing?“</p><p>“I’m trying to build my social media presence—show a little realism in these trying times. Give me something to work with,” Glenn said. “It’s live,” he added. “Please say hello to my thousands of devoted followers.”</p><p>A slew of ‘happy birthday’ messages from Glenn’s fans flooded the bottom off the screen until Sylvain managed to hide the wall of text.</p><p>Felix flicked his eyes away from the phone, presumably at Glenn and then back to the camera screen. There was a small smirk forming on his face. “If you want some realism, I could tell them about when we had chickens and you thought it’d be funny to—”</p><p>“And that’s Felix!” Glenn said, loudly, switching the camera angle until it was back to himself. “I have to get back to celebrating and strangling my brother. You all have a wonderful evening, morning, or whenever.”</p><p>The video ended and Sylvain closed his eyes, seeing Felix’s little smirk and the way his mouth curved up like it was still in front of him.</p><p>He dialed Felix’s number. It rang in a way that made him think he wasn’t blocked, but Felix’s message picked up. He was the only fucking person Sylvain knew who never changed it from the default tinny computer voice that only listed the phone number you called.</p><p>“I know you’re—probably—I mean I don’t know shit, because you won’t talk to me, but happy birthday anyway.” He closed his eyes again. “I can’t stand not having you in my life. It’s hell, Felix. If you miss me even a little, could you… I mean, call me back? We don’t even have to talk about us, I just… I just miss you.”</p><p>He squeezed his eyes even tighter, but felt the alcohol loosened tears stinging at them anyway. “Happy birthday, Fe.”</p><p>He hung up the phone and threw himself back on the couch.</p><p>Sylvain waited two days before he gave up on the idea Felix was going to call him back.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Sylvain rested his head in his hands. "What's the fucking point? Every day is exactly the same. I get up. I go to a mind-numbing job. I go home. I sleep. Repeat.”</p><p>He supposed after this many sessions, he shouldn’t have been surprised all he heard was the scribbling on the paper pad. Two-hundred gold an hour and he couldn’t even warrant the sympathy of a therapist. Not that he needed sympathy. He didn’t know if he needed anything, except what he was finally realizing he was never getting back.</p><p>“Did it feel like this before your boyfriend left?” Shamir asked.</p><p>Sylvain shook his head. “Not when he was around.”</p><p>Fix what was broken, Ingrid said. What was broken was Sylvain. Maybe it wasn’t fixable.</p><p>“Hm,” Shamir said, but instead of a harrowing pause, she added, “have you ever considered antidepressants?”</p><p>Sylvain lifted his head slightly and looked up though his fingers. “Uh. No. Why would I need those? I’m just pathetic—I’m not depressed.”</p><p>“Fine,” Shamir said, dismissive. “Let’s say that’s true. They can still be used to help you feel less pathetic.”</p><p>“I’m not… going to off myself,” Sylvain said. It would’ve been rude to do so after all the years of Miklan attempting it and failing. He couldn’t just show his brother up like that after all.</p><p>“You can be depressed without suicidal tendencies,” Shamir said. “You’re a rich kid, you did archery when you were younger, right?”</p><p>“That with dressage,” Sylvain drawled, “yes. Why?”</p><p>“You pull a bowstring taut enough it snaps. You don’t pull it enough and the arrow hangs there. Medication can help you find the right balance, which lets you focus on aiming.”</p><p>“I didn’t know you knew how to metaphor,” Sylvain said. </p><p>She ignored him and wrote something down on the sticky pad on top of her notebook. “You should be able to get some prescribed from your regular doctor, but I’m going to refer you to my partner. She’s a psychiatrist.”</p><p>Sylvain slumped back in his seat. “So I have to talk to someone else all over again?”</p><p>“We can confer if you sign off on it,” Shamir said. She gave him one of those terrifyingly unblinking even keel looks.“Sylvain. You’re depressed and from what you’ve told me, it sounds like it isn’t a new state of being. You can either stay depressed or you can try not to be.”</p><p>“Positivity saves the day?” Sylvain asked, rolling his eyes to the ceiling.</p><p>Shamir’s loud scoff of disgust brought his gaze back to her. “<em>No</em>.”</p><p>The first real expression on her face was pure irritation at the very concept of positive thinking. Sylvain took the sticky note from her.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>“Sorry about the mess,” Ashe said, shifting a pile of papers to another pile of papers. “We’re mid move and well—”</p><p>A loud yowl echoed through Ashe’s apartment, followed by tiny mewls. Sylvain watched as a cat followed by three kittens strolled through the other room. True, he hadn’t been to visit Ashe in ages, but he thought he would have remembered this many cats.</p><p>“Uh, Ashe?”</p><p>Ashe sighed and scratched the back of his head. “We’re fostering,” he said. “And, um, holding for the next foster.” He stared up at the ceiling. “Caspar keeps… <em>finding</em> cats when he goes out. I couldn’t think of anything else to do, but make it part of our regular routine. It’s…”</p><p>“Not routine yet?” Sylvain finished for him. Ashe nodded in agreement, letting out a faintly frustrated puff of air. Sylvain looked around the apartment. Caspar being a mess was normal, Ashe not so much. “You need help cleaning?”</p><p>“Oh, no,” Ashe said, shaking his head. “I couldn’t ask you that.”</p><p>“I’m offering,” Sylvain said. “You’re going to lose the kittens in this mess otherwise.”</p><p>Ashe hesitated but gave in after a little more nudging. It didn’t really take them that long. Sylvain was used to cleaning up worse and there was something about other people’s messes getting organized that got his brain humming.</p><p>There were three cats and two litters. Now that the apartment was clean, Sylvain could actually see them trouncing around. The kittens were particularly cute, running into each other and then darting away. One of them refused to leave its mother and was using her tail like a toy, which she seemed to be ignoring.</p><p>“If he comes home with another cat, I think I might scream,” Ashe said.</p><p>Sylvain snorted. “I have never heard you talk ill of Caspar—or anyone actually.”</p><p>Ashe looked sideways at him, adjusting the large orange melted thing that was supposedly a cat, which had settled itself in his lap. “I get frustrated like everyone else. I mean, our schedules are always so off.”</p><p>“Why don’t you live closer to the restaurant?” Sylvain asked. He never really thought about it before. Not really until he had to drive out here.</p><p>Ashe shrugged. “It’s so early when I leave there’s hardly any traffic, so it made more sense to live near Caspar’s job. Annabelle Lee stop that,” Ashe said, shushing one of the cats that was climbing up the side of the couch, claws digging into the fabric. “I think my siblings were easier to raise,” Ashe murmured.</p><p>Sylvain coughed a laugh into his hand, upsetting the melted orange blob who glared balefully at him. Sylvain used the excuse to get on the floor, trying to lure some of the cats over.</p><p>He had to remember to take his allergy meds after this or his contacts were going to itch out of his eyeballs. A scruffy dark tortie—cream, black, and red yowled loudly at him and then swiped at his hand when he held it out.</p><p>Claws hurt like fucking paper cuts. Sylvain pulled back, waving off Ashe’s concern. “That one seems fun.”</p><p>“Minette,” Ashe said with a sigh. “She’s difficult. The last of her litter to be adopted.”</p><p>Her eyes were amber slits and she had her hackles raised as Sylvain tried dangling his fingers towards her again. Something about her was charming. “How do you adopt one?”</p><p>“I thought you couldn’t have pets at your place?” Ashe asked, but all Sylvain saw in his eyes was desperate hope.</p><p>Sylvain smiled. “When the landlord fixes the elevator, I’ll pretend to care about the lease.” Besides, he was planning on moving when it was up anyway. He never liked that apartment and it was far too empty now.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Sylvain couldn’t say the pills weren’t helping. He still felt like shit, but slightly less likely to turn that feeling of shit into staying in bed all day. It also helped that he had an alarm clock who loudly demanded to be fed at 5am every morning.</p><p>He still couldn’t manage to fall asleep early enough that waking up that early didn’t completely mess up his REM cycles, so he got desperate enough to use his lunch break to hit the coffeeshop across the street from his office.</p><p>Sylvain’s serotonin was being inhibited less—he didn’t need to suffer with work coffee.</p><p>He didn’t have his heart in returning the flirting from the blonde barista (she had freckles only on her nose and sharp green eyes and Sylvain might have cared if it was a few years ago), but he also didn’t want shitty coffee so he was at least friendly.</p><p>The espresso shots immediately started to perk him up and he glanced around the small shop, not really looking for anything in particular — it was a habit now, looking. The small chance he might see the void where his life had fallen appear mysteriously made him unable to stop.</p><p>To the left of him he saw a familiar purple head of hair, hunched over a laptop and typing furiously into it. Sylvain walked behind and glanced at the screen. “Her effervescent laugh draws a trail of pleasure right up my spine?”</p><p>Bernadetta von Varley squeaked loudly, shot up in her chair, and slapped her laptop shut. She spun around in her seat and stared up at Sylvain like he was a killer in a horror film. “S-Sylvain?”</p><p>“Hey, Bernie,” Sylvain said, amused. At least some things hadn’t changed since college. “Long time no see.”</p><p>Bernadetta was pink up to her ears. She still hadn’t gotten in complete control of her breathing and he was pretty sure she was looking for an exit route. “Ah, yep. Mhmm. What are you, um, doing here?”</p><p>Sylvain held up his six shot latte for her perusal.</p><p>She squinted at the label. “Getting the barista’s phone number?”</p><p>Sylvain grunted as he looked more closely at the cup. “Apparently.” He frowned and then took the seat next to her. Her laptop was decorated with colorful stickers, some from a couple of those shows Ignatz and her used to geek out over during breaks in their Sreng history course. “So, how’ve you been? I heard you were working for Corning &amp; Thale?”</p><p>The flush and some additional color left Bernadetta’s face. “Oh, no. Not anymore. I <em>hated</em> it there. They were…” She shuddered and played with a sticker that was fraying on the edges. “It was a really bad place to work.”</p><p>“Let me guess?” Sylvain sighed. “Following your dream and becoming a best selling author?”</p><p>Bernadetta blinked at him. “No. I’m still doing data processing. I went to a different company.” She pulled her laptop a little closer, like a security blanket. “And—<em>I’mwritingforfunso</em>—don’t say anything.”</p><p>“Oh.” Sylvain wasn't sure why he was surprised, but it did really feel like everyone he knew was chasing after their dream. Shamir kept telling him it was more normal to be settled in a job that paid her expensive ass bills than to go for the stars, but Sylvain wasn’t seeing it. “I have to say it’s a relief someone else is still in cubicle hell, though I do think if you write like college, you could have a career out of it.”</p><p>Bernadetta’s pink started to come back through the tips of her ears. She sank down into her seat a little. “We don’t have cubicles.”</p><p>“Open office concept?” Sylvain asked. He wasn’t sure if that was worse or better. He could barely pay enough attention at work as it was with partial wall blocking other people out. If he had to look and see everyone all day every day he’d get literally nothing done.</p><p>Bernadetta shook her head. “It’s a mix of desk share and work from home.” She tapped her fingers on the laptop. “It… um gives me enough time to write. Not that… I’m writing a novel, because I’m not, it’s—uhhh I mean… it’s <em>nothing</em> so don’t worry about it!”</p><p>Sylvain sucked down some of his caffeine. “Can I read some of the nothing?”</p><p>“<em>No</em>!” Bernadetta said immediately, which only made him want to read it more. He decided to take a longer lunch break than normal and try and convince her to give him a shot.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Sylvain held up two scarves in front of his new roommate. “Which one looks better with this outfit?”</p><p>Minette yowled at him and then got distracted by a piece of fluff on the floor and went to pounce at it.</p><p>“Does that mean blue?” Sylvain asked, but received no response this time. His roommate was an ingenue. He held up the scarves to his face in the mirror again. Minette made a little chittering noise somewhere behind the bedspread. “I’m not freaking out. I’m trying to make a good impression. On my friends. Who are… not going to care.”</p><p>He shouldn’t have started this conversation facing himself in the mirror. It was harder to lie to himself that way. Sylvain sighed and ran a hand through his hair and then had a mild panic because he’d just spent an hour fixing it. “Fuck! Fuck! Oh wait—that looks better actually.”</p><p>Minette had no comment, but he heard her shuffling in between the covers. He had accepted that cat hair was his life now and there was no getting around it.</p><p>“The green, right?” Sylvain asked. “Blue seems like I’m trying too hard. Ugh, maybe green does too. I should go with the burgundy.”</p><p>He went back into his closet. It was still shoved to the side taking up only (a little more than) half of the space, like Felix’s sparse hung clothes were still there. Sylvain couldn’t help looking into the blank space and wondering what Felix would be wearing. It was only hours away from Great Tree Moon and a new year. Mercie was throwing her (formerly her and Annette’s) annual New Year’s Eve party and it was the first time Sylvain would see Felix since he walked out three months ago.</p><p>“Not freaking out at all,” Sylvain said to himself this time and not Minette, who he suspected was already deciding the bed was too comfy not to nap in. Sylvain grabbed the burgundy and wrapped it around his neck, refusing to overthink it anymore.</p><p>Then got about halfway to the door before deciding maybe the blue was better. It was more of a navy anyway.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>“He’s not here,” Ingrid said, because apparently Sylvain was advertising everything on his face. “Annette said he’s working tonight, but you know how he is about parties.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Sylvain swallowed air and then made his hands busy by reaching for a glass of champagne. “Or parties with me there.”</p><p>Fuck.</p><p>Ingrid opened her mouth to argue with him, but then closed it, seeming to think better of it. Hard to argue with facts. Never stopped her before, but maybe it was something she and her therapist worked on.</p><p>The awkward silence was interrupted as Ingrid’s girlfriend swept forward to refill her own glass. “Ingrid said you got a new job!” she said, too cheerily.</p><p>“You can’t be my friend now because you’re tipsy.” Sylvain was proud of himself for only sounding 25% bitter.</p><p>Dorothea wrinkled her nose and stuck out her tongue at him. Ingrid sighed and mumbled an apology to him before trying to convince Dorothea to take a break from the bubbly. Sylvain didn’t really want to hear couples argue at the moment so he made his way into the party proper. Wouldn’t do to ditch now that he was here and as refreshing and lovely as his roommate was for company, starting the new year surrounded by his friends sounded better than mulling over in his apartment what it felt like to start a year without Felix.</p><p>It felt wrong.</p><p>He chatted up Dedue for a while. Apparently Mercie hadn’t let him help this year, because the kitchen had become a point of contention. Dedue made a joke about getting a new place with two kitchens and Sylvain selflessly volunteered to eat any surplus leftovers. Sylvain managed to get through a lot of conversations easier than he’d expected. Very annoying how small things that used to fluster him seemed so much simpler now. He wasn’t sure if it was the pills or not working in hell anymore.</p><p>“It’s mostly the same,” Sylvain said, happy to have topics to update people on like Minette and his new job. “I’m still poking at spreadsheets all day, but sometimes I also get to make presentations and chat up other people in the office about the spreadsheets.”</p><p>He liked his coworkers a lot more. Bernadetta technically counted since she’d gotten him the interview, but she was in an entirely different department. Sylvain hadn’t realized how terrible the people in his old office were until he started to be around normal humans again. He actually understood the concept of making friends at work now.</p><p>“That’s wonderful, Sylvain,” Mercie said, too kindly to be full of it. “I’m happy you found something you seem to enjoy.”</p><p>“I wouldn’t say <em>enjoy</em>,” Sylvain said, “but it’s better, at least.”</p><p>Mercie smiled at him, but before she could say another cheerful and supportive thing someone called her over. The countdown was beginning.</p><p>Sylvain’s good mood sank again as he realized he was going to be standing alone in the corner while the new year ushered itself in. Last year he and Felix had been making out on the balcony for so long they’d missed the entire countdown.</p><p>Ingrid snagged him before he could hide and hooked her elbow into his own. She dragged him towards the crowd of people that included couples like Byleth and Dimitri, Caspar and Ashe, and herself and Dorothea. He was too surrounded to try and escape so the 3, 2, 1… hit him in the chest.</p><p>“Happy New Year,” Sylvain mumbled to the excited gathering who were yelling the same.</p><p>Maybe Minette would let him kiss her head when he got home. Would be worth swallowing the cat hair to feel less alone.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Sylvain was adjusting the grocery bags in his hands and trying to get the door shut at the same time when his phone rang. It took a lot of effort not to startle, drop everything on the floor, and make sure his roommate didn’t sneak out before the door shut. He found a way to manage and Minette jumped on the counter to sniff the bags and see if anything was for her—a decision she’d presumably decide for herself.</p><p>Sylvain pulled his phone out of his pocket and blinked at the number that was calling him. He waited too long and it went to voicemail. Sylvain counted patiently to ten so that he wouldn’t get a mixed busy signal and tapped his fingers against the counter so loudly that Minette lost all interest in the food and tried to attack them.</p><p>Sylvain barely snatched his hand away in time and she looked put out that he’d managed. He would have given her an ineffective scolding but he had to make a call.</p><p>Busy signal.</p><p>“Seiros’s Tits, Annie,” Sylvain muttered to himself and then counted to ten again. Her message must’ve been long, which didn’t alleviate any of the nerves that were creeping up into his system at a reason she might have been calling him. He took a deep breath and called again.</p><p>“Oh!” Annette’s cheerful, slightly frenetic energy seemed a little strained. “Sylvain, good. I was calling you.”</p><p>“Is everything okay?” Sylvain asked. He tried and failed not to sound a little strained himself.</p><p>Annette’s sigh over the phone was long and drawn out. “No. I don’t know—I probably shouldn’t be doing this, but Felix won’t <em>listen</em> to me and I think he—” She cut herself off and let out a frustrated squeak. “This is so hard to ask without ruining the best friend code.”</p><p>“Annette,” Sylvain said, slowly. He tried not to grip the phone too hard, but his other hand was clenching so tightly his fingernails were digging into his palm. “What’s wrong with Felix?”</p><p>“He is overworking himself to the point of exhaustion,” Annette’s girlfriend said. Okay, apparently he was on speaker.</p><p>“That’s not new,” Sylvain said, automatically.</p><p>“She means literally,” Annette said. Her next words sounded incredibly fake. “Also, oh no Flayn, you’re not supposed to tell deep dark secrets like that, what will Felix say?”</p><p>Fish-girl/Flayn laughed a little and continued more seriously. “He has made himself very ill more than once.”</p><p>“He had to be <em>hospitalized</em>!” Annette said.</p><p>Sylvain’s throat closed off any air to his lungs. “He’s in the hospital?”</p><p>“Yes,” Flayn said, while Annette said, “No.”</p><p>He was going to have a heart attack. “Which one is it?”</p><p>“He’s <em>at</em> work,” Annette said, “he’s not a patient right now.”</p><p>Sylvian felt like he could breathe again. He also felt like he was going to fall down so he put his head on the counter, giving his hair a perfect angle to be mauled at by Minette’s curious paws. “Annie, <em>please</em> tell me why you called, because if it’s get Felix to stop working so much I don’t know how to help you. I tried. I failed.”</p><p>“He wasn’t <em>this </em>bad,” Annette said. She did something that muffled the phone for a moment and murmured something that apparently wasn’t for Sylvain’s ears.</p><p>The weird fuzzy noise happened again and then Flayn very clearly said, “We had assumed his pernicious behavior was due to his upset at your argument, however, we were recently made aware that he feels differently.”</p><p>“What?” Sylvain finally dragged his hair out of Minette’s vicious little paws and stood up properly. “What?”</p><p>“Ugh!” Annette said, loudly. “He misses you! So can you… I don’t know, come over here and make him stop working himself six feet into the ground?”</p><p>Sylvain already had his keys out, so it was pretty easy to turn around and walk back towards the door. He realized he left his groceries on the counter when he was in the car and couldn’t find it in himself to care.</p><p>Since Annette said Felix was still at work and she didn't want to be blamed for the ‘best friend code’ breaking, Sylvain waited out on the front steps leading up to their building. He shook his leg and wondered if Minette had knocked all his food off the counter and whether or not anything breakable was bad for her.</p><p>He heard Felix’s feet shuffling before he saw him. Sylvain felt like when he’d seen him on Glenn’s live-feed times a thousand. His body felt stuck where he was sitting, petrified into the moment.</p><p>Felix noticed him. There was a tightness in his mouth Sylvain didn’t love, but also was happy to see, because it meant he was seeing Felix and his mouth in person.</p><p>Felix adjusted the bag on his shoulder and stopped a few paces in front of him. He didn’t shove past and ignore him which was maybe a good sign. “What are you doing here?”</p><p>Apologies he’d practiced for weeks threatened to flood out of his mouth, but Sylvain only said, “Annette said you’re working yourself into the ground. Literally.”</p><p>Felix’s expression was difficult to read, which was torture to realize. Sylvain had always been good at reading him before. The shift on Felix’s face made the dark circles under his eyes even more prominent in the faded beam of the street light near them.</p><p>“I’m fine,” Felix said. It sounded like a lie because it was.</p><p>“Bullshit,” Sylvain said. He didn’t come here to fight, but he also didn’t come here not to help when Felix needed it. “Annette said you were hospitalized.”</p><p>“I wasn’t—” Felix’s expression of annoyance was a little more familiar territory. He rubbed his thumb against the bridge of his nose. “I got dehydrated and had an IV. I was already <em>at</em> the hospital. She’s overreacting.”</p><p>“None of that sounds a little extreme to you?” Sylvain didn’t let him answer. It was only going to be dismissive. “You got <em>that</em> dehydrated?”</p><p>Felix frowned and crossed his arms over his chest. “Yeah and Flayn got me one of those water bottles with the lines to tell you when to drink, so it’s not a problem anymore.”</p><p>Sylvain couldn’t help himself, it spilled from his mouth. “Does it have fish on it?”</p><p>Felix’s mouth twisted. “… yes.”</p><p>“At least she’s consistent,” Sylvain said, practically sitting on his hands not to ask to see it.</p><p>He hadn’t seen Felix in so long (minus the social media stalking he’d never quite given up), so he wasn’t sure if his eyes were playing tricks on him, but he looked thinner than usual. He also looked cold, but considering the time of year and how late it was, not a surprise.</p><p>Sylvain took the risk of sliding over on the step and giving Felix room to step past him. “You want to sit? It’s cold out and I’m assuming you’ve been on your feet for an absurd amount of hours.”</p><p>Felix looked at the space between Sylvain and the stairs.</p><p>“Why are you here?” Felix asked again, a little quieter this time.</p><p>“Honestly, Annie said you weren’t doing well and I think I was already walking to the car before she finished her sentence.”</p><p>Felix wasn’t looking at him. He wasn’t even looking in his general direction so that Sylvain could get a good estimation of his eyes. “You’ve seen I’m fine, so you’re welcome to leave.”</p><p>It was strange how getting stabbed in the heart with an ice shard was comforting after so many months of nothing at all. It was probably bad and something he’d have to be bullied into decoding in therapy that Sylvain would rather be hurt by Felix than have an absence of him.</p><p>Sylvain took a very deep breath. “If you want me to go, I’ll go—but I’ve got some top level groveling rehearsed. It’d be a shame to miss out on it.”</p><p>Felix seemed to be hugging himself more than crossing his arms at this point. He still wasn’t looking at Sylvain, but his mouth was visible, twisting downwards. “Right,” he scoffed, disbelieving.</p><p>Sylvain’s hands were a little shaky and definitely sweaty. He didn’t want to stand and scare off Felix… he felt a little like when he’d first brought Minette home, trying not to spook her with sudden movements. Felix hadn’t told him to leave yet, a good sign or not Sylvain was taking the chance it meant he could actually apologize.</p><p>He wiped his hands on his jeans and took a steadying breath. “I’m so sorry I screwed things up, Felix.” He didn’t miss the slight flinch Felix made when he said that. “I wasn’t coping well with everything and I didn’t realize how much I tied sex to being valued. It’s not an excuse,” he added. “I know I hurt you. Apparently, I also have a tendency to do that when I think someone is going to hurt me—it’s like a defensive mechanism… a really awful one that I’m working on.”</p><p>Felix had moved a little. His hands were now gripping at the strap of his bag. His gaze had moved to somewhere around Sylvain’s feet. His eyebrows were furrowed in confusion. “Where did that come from?”</p><p>“Therapy,” Sylvain said. “I have enough issues to work on to put my therapist’s kids through a fancy private school.” If she had any kids. Sylvain couldn’t really picture Shamir’s smiley friendly mom face, then again that kind of face on his own mother was hard to picture.</p><p>Felix wasn’t saying anything. He hadn’t moved and he hadn’t looked away again. That was a good sign? Right? Maybe?</p><p>Sylvain was taking the opening, either way. “I’ve been working on not being so codependent, which is extremely easy to do when my roommate is a cat who will literally bite me if I bother her when she doesn’t want attention.”</p><p>She had a lot in common with Felix now that he thought about it.</p><p>Felix flicked his eyes up and met Sylvain’s briefly before darting sideways again. “You got a cat?”</p><p>“Yeah, Minette…” He sighed. “Ashe was fostering her and I wasn’t really loving the whole alone in the apartment thing.” He caught himself and added, “That is not me trying to guilt you or anything. If that’s what that sounded like.”</p><p>Felix didn’t respond either way, so Sylvain kept going. “I got a new job too. It isn’t groundbreaking or anything, I’m doing the same stuff mostly. I do hate it a lot less though.”</p><p>Felix frowned and looked away again, Sylvain didn’t know how to process that. He tapped his fingers against his leg that was still jostling up and down. “You sure you don’t want to sit? I could stand if you don’t want to sit next to me. Unless that’s going to put some weird height difference intimidation tactic into the mix, but I feel like you can probably kick my ass with your pinky so that’s not really a problem. Saying it anyway, just trying to be clear—”</p><p>“Why did you wait until <em>now</em> to say this?” Felix asked suddenly. His jaw was clenched and the knuckles of the hands on his bag strap were going white.</p><p>Sylvain snorted, but had no real heart in it. “I’ve been saying it nonstop to your voicemail for months. I figured you’d blocked me, but you know—on the chance you hadn’t…”</p><p>Felix’s face scrunched up in an indignant disbelief and he pulled a phone out of his pocket. Not his phone. Not a fucking chance that was <em>Felix’s</em> phone.</p><p>“What the hell is that? Is that from <em>this</em> century?” Sylvain asked.</p><p>“I didn’t block you,” Felix said, staring at the phone that could not have been his because it wasn’t a worn out piece of garbage that probably couldn’t even access the internet. He held out the phone to Sylvain, showing his contact information as if it was proof. Sylvain’s picture was one from college before they’d started dating, where he was using a pencil like a fake mustache. His contact name was <em>Sylvain</em> and not <em>Worst Person to Exist Ever, </em>which was a relief.</p><p>“Is that a new phone? Is that a <em>new</em> phone?” Sylvain asked, realizing the model was the latest in the Crest Phone series. How the…</p><p>“Yes,” Felix said, frowning either at Sylvain, the phone, or both. “I dropped mine while I was running and I had to get a new one.”</p><p>Sylvain stared at him, dawning horror slowly creeping into his system—“Felix… did you get a new <em>number</em>?”</p><p>“I don’t know,” Felix said. He still got that little frustrated scowl when he was too much of a luddite to figure something out—if Sylvain wasn’t choking on the fact that some poor bastard with Felix’s old number was getting hounded by <em>months</em> of Sylvain’s pathetic begging, he’d have found it cute. “Annette made me get this. I can barely figure it out, but its got all my contacts and Dimitri and Glenn…”</p><p>He trailed off as he seemed to finally realize what that meant. Sylvain barely resisted thunking his head into the brick wall next to the stairs. Mostly only because he saw that Felix’s hand holding the phone was shaking and his face was pained.</p><p>“Fe?” Sylvain asked softly, going into ‘don’t spook the cat’ mode again.</p><p>“I thought you moved on,” Felix said, tightly and quiet, like it hurt to speak. “Everyone said you were doing great.”</p><p>“Is everyone <em>blind</em>?” Sylvain balked. “Felix,” he said and when Felix didn’t look at him, risked standing up to take a step towards him. He crouched a little trying to get into his eye line. “Felix. I’ve been <em>miserable</em>. The last few months have been torture. I’ve been trying to patch myself together with a giant fucking hole in my chest. I can’t even fathom thinking about getting near the possibility of moving on. I was settled into turning into a cat lady honestly.”</p><p>“Don’t,” Felix said, choked. “Don’t joke.”</p><p>“I’m <em>not.</em>” Sylvain approached a little closer and reached his hand out but stopped in mid-air hovering above Felix’s shoulder. Fuck, he wanted to touch him so badly, but healthy established boundaries and all that bullshit. He lowered his voice into something a little more calm. “Come sit for a second, huh?”</p><p>Felix assented, stiffly, but he still did it. Sylvain sat a step below him and made a concentrated effort not to immediately wrap his arms around him or nudge their legs together. He hated healthy boundaries.</p><p>“When’d you lose your phone?” Sylvain asked instead of the million other things he wanted to.</p><p>Felix took a moment. Sylvain could still see him struggling, trying not to show any weakness. Sylvain used to know how to make him feel safe enough to. Fuck.</p><p>“Right around my birthday,” Felix said.</p><p>That was… “Wow, the person who has your old number has to have a very odd opinion of me.” He cleared his throat at Felix’s side-eye. “Felix, I’d have been here every fucking day trying to apologize—but I… I fucked up and I didn’t want to make you feel worse. And I <em>am</em> sorry,” he added. “I shouldn’t have used sex like a weapon when I thought you were pulling back.”</p><p>Felix rested his elbows on his knees and his head on his fisted knuckles. “I know I’m not—” He licked his lips. “I know I’m not great at communicating and you—you’re always doing picture perfect boyfriend stuff like cooking and cleaning and—I remember school, you were always out with people. And… I thought you might leave if I didn’t… if I wasn’t… if we weren’t having sex.”</p><p>“Fuck,” Sylvain said out loud this time. Terrible timing considering his choice of expletive. “Felix, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean you make you feel that way. I—” Another sort of dawning horror was overtaking him and he felt nauseated. It was easier to lean away from Felix this time. “Were you—was the stuff we were doing, did you do that only because I wanted to?”</p><p>Felix looked up from his hands. His eyes were red and the circles were <em>definitely </em>deeper. He glanced over Sylvain and then dropped his hands. “No. I—<em>bad</em> sex was never the problem.”</p><p>The relief was palpable. Sylvain let out a long breath and almost dropped his head between his knees as he did so. “I still shouldn’t have been pressuring you like that. Or you know, at least we should establish healthy boundaries.” At Felix’s raised eyebrow he added, “Therapy.” Then after a pause. “Also a lot of internet research about rough sex.” His mouth twisted when he realized what that sounded like. “Not, <em>that</em> kind of research.”</p><p>Felix’s lips twitched. This time in an upwards direction. There was a leap in Sylvain’s heart as he thought Felix might actually laugh—that he’d get to hear that rare sound again, but as soon as it almost happened Felix’s face crumbled and he turned away from Sylvain. Not quickly enough to hide the fact that he was crying.</p><p>Sylvain’s body and limbs moved faster than his brain did and he moved up a step and put his arms around Felix. It was instinct. It was what he’d been doing since they were kids. Felix cried and Sylvain hugged him. That was the natural order of things.</p><p>Thankfully, it still was. Felix turned into his hold and buried his head in Sylvain’s chest. His shoulders were shaking and he was pushing his face too hard into Sylvain to see if he was crying, but Sylvain knew the signs.</p><p>Sylvain rubbed his back and felt as exhausted as Felix looked. “Come home,” he said. “I miss you so much. Please come home. Even if it’s only tonight. I’ll sleep on the couch. I’ll sleep on the floor. I don’t care.”</p><p>It took a while for Felix to catch his breath and respond, but when he finally did he said the most beautiful word in existence.</p><p>“Okay.”</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Sylvain had the best sleep he’d had in months. It probably would’ve still been up there if he’d slept on the floor. Instead he’d slept in his bed, next to Felix. Not only next to him, but actually holding him in his arms and having Felix try to suck the heat out of his body by proximity. It was so familiar it ached in all the best ways.</p><p>He had the best sleep he’d had in months and the best view on waking up. Familiarly, Felix had woken up first, but instead of getting out of bed he’d stayed in bed, staring at Sylvain.</p><p>“Morning,” Sylvain said, for lack of anything more coherent. His brain was a constant stream of <em>this is happening</em> and <em>Felix</em> so it was probably a good thing he was too tired to come up with something better.</p><p>“Morning,” Felix said. His head was pressed into his hand that was pressed into the pillow. He looked soft and beautiful and Sylvain felt like it was the first time he was realizing a fact he’d known and tortured himself over for months.</p><p>He was so distracted watching Felix’s lips move, he almost missed his words. “I’m sorry,” Felix said, whisper quiet.</p><p>“That’s my line,” Sylvain said, waking up a little more at Felix’s responding frown.</p><p>“I should’ve told you about Enbarr.” Felix’s lips pursed a little. “And I should’ve… I shouldn’t have left like that.”</p><p>Sylvain reached out and brushed the hair off Felix’s shoulder, enjoying the way his eyes still reflexively closed at the mildest touch. “I’ll give you the first one, but you don’t have to apologize for the second.”</p><p>Felix’s eyes were still closed. Sylvain took the opportunity to move his hair behind his ear and trace his finger down the shell of it.</p><p>Felix sighed softly, opening his eyes slowly. “I thought you might talk me into taking it,” Felix said.</p><p>Sylvain made a face at the very idea. “Enbarr is so disgustingly hot, why would I do that?”</p><p>“Being aggressively supportive,” Felix said. “My dream program. Huge opportunity. All the shit Glenn’s thrown at me about it.”</p><p>“Those are valid points,” Sylvain said. He felt himself frown and hated that it meant the sweet haze of the morning was disappearing. “Did you really turn it down for me?”</p><p>Felix reached out for the hand that had been previously on his face and was now resting on his neck. He threaded his fingers through Sylvain’s. “Not entirely, but it was a factor.”</p><p>It turned Sylvain’s stomach to think about—fucking Felix’s childhood dream over wasn’t exactly ‘perfect boyfriend’ material. “What other reasons were there?” Sylvain asked. He’d thought about it and Felix’s <em>I just wanted to see if I could</em> felt false, even if he wouldn’t put it past Felix to be that competitive.</p><p>“It wasn’t only Glenn’s accident,” Felix said, reminding Sylvain of some of the horrible things he’d said to him during that last fight. It didn’t seem intentional since Felix wasn’t reveling in the stab of pain that shot through Sylvain’s torso. “Ever since I started doing rehabilitative medicine, I’ve felt like everything made more sense. Surgery’s more difficult to get into and maybe takes more skill, but what I’m doing actually could fix people. I can’t…” He stared up at the headboard and swallowed, clearly attempting to regain some control over his emotions. “I can’t fix Glenn or bring my mom back. Trying to be a surgeon felt like living before that happened and I was tired of looking backwards.”</p><p>Sylvain squeezed with the hand Felix was holding. “I’m guessing you didn’t know those were the reasons or you would’ve told me?”</p><p>Felix’s lips quirked a little. “Yeah. I hadn’t really been able to put words to it, but I spent a lot of time the last few months thinking about it.”</p><p>“Would it be too needy to ask if you thought about me?” Sylvain asked, knowing it was absolutely needy and he was not following any of his hard-earned emotional fluency.</p><p>Felix snorted, but it didn’t seem amused. “I tried not to. Didn’t work.”</p><p>Sylvain couldn’t get another word in, because Minette loudly declared that it was time to feed her. He glanced at the clock. It was 5:30. She’d let him sleep in. That was nice. He groaned and forced himself out of bed, only dropping Felix’s hand after saying, “Don’t move. I will be less than five minutes.”</p><p>He’d never opened a can faster. He didn’t even divvy it out and just plopped the whole thing in bowl and very quickly washing his hands before going back to the bedroom.</p><p>Felix was sitting up in bed, which was better than being out of it, but was still too close to him getting up. If he got up maybe he’d leave again. They hadn’t gotten that far into discussions of what was happening beyond this morning. And Sylvain had made it clear that Felix could leave if he wanted—which was <em>stupid</em> even if it was healthy.</p><p>“I can’t believe you got a cat,” Felix said, sounding a little jealous.</p><p>“Had to give Annette’s cat competition,” Sylvain said, settling on the bed near Felix’s knees. “Vy for dominance of your new phone background.”</p><p>“I don’t even know how to set that on the stupid thing,” Felix said, with an irritated frown that filled Sylvain with so much fondness he felt like he could burst.</p><p>“I can show you,” Sylvain said. “Although your phone is nicer than mine and I still don’t have your new number.”</p><p>The space between Felix’s brows folded together. “I don’t know how to find that either.”</p><p>“I can fix that too if you let me,” Sylvain said. He hoped that was true with more than the phone.</p><p>Felix’s hands were folded in his lap, one on top of the other. He stared at his open palm and sighed. The silence stretched out long enough to get uncomfortable. Sylvain wasn’t a fan of silence in general, but at least with Felix it was usually the opposite.</p><p>“You have to work today?” Sylvain asked, trying not to sound as dejected as he felt.</p><p>Felix nodded, then his eyebrows drew together and he flicked his eyes back up towards Sylvain. “Don’t you have to work, it’s Thursday?”</p><p>“Nah,” Sylvain said. Even if he did, he’d probably just never show up again if it meant Felix would stay longer. “I finished up most of the project I was doing earlier this week. I’ll go in on Saturday if I need to. Quick email to the boss at most. Also it’s ass o’clock in the morning, so it’s not like I’m expected in the next five minutes.”</p><p>Felix’s lips twitched so slightly that Sylvain wasn’t sure he’d actually seen them do it.</p><p>Sylvain fisted his hand into the sheet to keep from fidgeting. “What do you want to do?”</p><p>Felix looked away from him. On closer inspection he seemed to be looking around the room. “I don’t know. I hate this apartment now. I was too tired last night, but now it’s like every inch of it is reminding me of a fight we had.”</p><p>Sylvain was sitting in the bed he’d made, on bedsheets he’d picked a fight over for no good reason. He should’ve been at least accepting of that, but the knee-jerk reaction to feel the universe’s cascading unfairness to him was hard to shake.</p><p>“We could move,” he said. Felix turned back to him, quizzically. That wasn’t an outright rejection. Sylvain felt slightly buoyed. “I wasn’t planning on renewing the lease next month. I’ve been… looking at stuff closer to the city. If we had a place closer to the hospital, you could probably walk to work if you wanted.”</p><p>Felix blinked. Sylvain wasn’t sure if he looked hesitant or still confused. “Is that near your new job?”</p><p>“Clos<em>er</em>,” Sylvain said. He hadn’t actually been looking in the immediate vicinity. “I wasn’t planning on lightly stalking you or anything, but if we’d happened to run into each other at my new place I wasn’t going to get upset about it.”</p><p>His tone had been light enough, because Felix’s lips <em>definitely </em>twitched this time. The buoy had become a lifeboat and Sylvain felt steadier than he had in months.He smiled back and rested his hand near Felix’s knee. “Fresh start in a place with a working elevator?”</p><p>Felix’s mouth twisted a little. “Places that close to the hospital are overpriced.”</p><p>Ah, an old argument. In the good old days when it hadn’t lead to angry sex and only lead to a horrible compromise that landed them in this inconvenient part of town.</p><p>Instead of saying he could cover the rent, Sylvain said, “You can pay me back rent once you land that cushy research gig with Manuela.”</p><p>“It’s not cushy,” Felix said, but he was clearly considering it. He’d tipped his head forward, looking down and his eyelashes were so fucking dark against his cheekbones. Sylvain felt like he’d been in a drought for a decade and it was raining two inches away.</p><p>“If you… if you feel more comfortable staying with Annette and Fish Girl until then,” Sylvain said. “That’s okay too.”</p><p>“Can I think about it?” Felix asked. That sounded like actual hell, but Sylvain made himself nod. He must not have looked very convincing judging by Felix’s face. Felix reached out put his hand over Sylvain’s. “The next month part, not the fresh start.”</p><p>“Oh,” Sylvain said. Then it hit him a second time, likely knocking him off his feet if he wasn’t already sitting. “Yeah?”</p><p>Felix nodded and gave Sylvain a tired, but real smile. “Yeah.”</p><p>Sylvain turned his palm underneath Felix’s and brought his wrist close enough that he could press his lips against the skin there. He meant to be soothing, reassuring, romantic, but it was hard not to kiss further up the skin of Felix’s arm. He wanted to get drenched in the feel of Felix.</p><p>He didn’t pull, but every touch of Sylvain’s lips to the deep purple vein on the delicate pale skin of Felix’s forearm seemed to draw Felix closer—until he was practically in Sylvain’s lap. His hands automatically went everywhere they hadn’t in the last four months, taking note of any slight changes in the well studied map of Felix’s form. Felix’s breath was a sharp note between the press of their mouths and Sylvain was pretty sure he was going from a drought to drowning and was perfectly fine with it.</p><p>How had he ever stopped kissing Felix if this is what it felt like? Sylvain’s hands finished their traversing path over Felix’s hips, his back, and then over the muscled lines of his shoulders and wound themselves in Felix’s sleep tangled hair.</p><p>“Felix,” Sylvain said, or tried to say and got maybe a syllable out of his mouth before Felix’s mouth was swallowing all the breath from his airways. His fingers were digging into Sylvain’s shoulders and he had gotten closer and closer until his body was completely pressed against Sylvain's own.</p><p>The hot, wet heat of Felix’s mouth prevented any coherent or rational thought. Sylvain dragged them both down onto the mattress, pressing Felix into it and returning each desperate kiss with another.</p><p>Sylvain’s hands were sliding up the planes of Felix’s bare stomach when he realized he should probably not completely fuck things up—because—<em>well, maybe</em>—</p><p>He stopped and lifted himself up, only managing to get up to his elbows, what with the death grip Felix had on his neck and shoulders.</p><p>Felix’s eyes were hazy and his lips were—<em>fuck</em>, did his lips always look like this after kissing? Abused and swollen, slightly parted in the beginnings of a pout.</p><p>Sylvain closed his eyes, which barely helped, because he could still hear Felix’s breathing and smell the scent of sweat and cinnamon that had been missing in his sheets the last few months.</p><p>“We don’t… we don’t have to have sex,” Sylvain said, finally. He didn’t sound like he believed it, but he said it. That had to count for something.</p><p>When he opened his eyes again, Felix was frowning at him. His grip hadn’t lessened in the slightest.</p><p>Sylvain really wanted to get rid of that frown, but more so he wanted Felix to know how he actually felt. His fingers were still at Felix’s bare waist. Sylvain danced them along the sides of Felix’s ribcage to keep from doing anything else with them and leaned forward to murmur, “I want <em>you</em>. It doesn’t have to be about anything else.”</p><p>“It’s been four months,” Felix said, a hint of frustration somewhere in the quiet of his own response. One of his legs hooked around Sylvain’s shin. “You said you missed me.” The frustration in his voice turned the perfect mix of husky and petulant, so Felix it ached. “Show me.”</p><p>Sylvain did, because what else could he do? Felix could’ve asked him to jump off the roof and he probably would have removed his shoes first. Asking him to do something he’d wanted to do every second since Felix was in his proximity? Effortless.</p><p>The fingers on Felix’s ribs slid upwards as Sylvain let most of his weight push down on the rest of Felix. Sylvain crested his thumbs in parallel arcs over Felix’s pecs and took his time traversing his way to the stiff peaked nipples underneath the fabric. At Felix’s responding gasp, he tried ducking his head down to show them more oral attention, but Felix’s hands on his shoulders moved up to his hair and tugged hard until Sylvain was kissing him again.</p><p>Sylvain had no problem taking that direction. Felix’s writhing against him was more of a lift in response to Sylvain’s dropping down on him—kissing was the same, his tongue tangled with Sylvain’s own and the lack of oxygen from one kiss to another was making Sylvain dizzy.</p><p>He was inelegantly grinding down on Felix, too hard to think straight even if he had the appropriate amount of oxygen—it wasn’t enough to really show how much he missed him. Sylvain wasn’t sure anything would be, but he knew getting more of Felix’s bare skin underneath his own was a good start.</p><p>Any attempt to even slightly move away from Felix’s lips resulted in another painful tug at his hair and a protesting whine that went straight to Sylvain’s dick. He had to use muscle memory to get most of their clothes off, but thankfully he hadn’t lost musculature for that.</p><p>Felix hadn’t lost muscle either, if anything he felt stiff and hard even more so than his leaking cock rubbing against side of Sylvain’s thigh. Sylvain tried to pull back again, but Felix made that <em>noise</em> and grabbed at his neck this time.</p><p>Sylvain nipped at Felix’s lower lip to give himself some room to breathe, so he could actually speak. “Let me see you, sweetheart.”</p><p>Felix’s nose brushed against Sylvain’s and the sight of the melted amber around his irises staring up at Sylvain almost completely did him in—but he acquiesced and Sylvain took the opportunity to kiss his jaw and neck, sorely under-appreciated so far. </p><p>The shirt that Felix slept in was still on, Sylvain tugged it up, taking in the view beneath it with a mixture of lust, longing, and a little bit of concern. Felix was definitely thinner, Sylvain could feel the stretch of skin thinning out over his ribs when he pressed his lips there. There were some bruises in random places—probably from running into things (or more likely Annette running into him), but Sylvain couldn’t be sure.</p><p>He hated not knowing, but it was his own fault.</p><p>“Sylvain,” Felix said, breathy and impatient.</p><p>Sylvain kissed his ribcage again, gently, and then one of the nearby bruises that already seemed to be fading. “What do you want, baby?” he asked, because there were seventeen million things he wanted to do at the moment, none of which could be done simultaneously. “Anything you need.”</p><p>“Kiss me again,” Felix said, so quietly Sylvain almost didn’t hear it over the sound of his own harried breathing. He felt like he’d run around the block and they hadn’t been nearly as athletic as they could be.</p><p>Sylvain did what he wanted, kissing Felix softly—his mouth was bruised and used and Sylvain knew the reason for that at least. “Just kissing?” Sylvain asked between two more.</p><p>“<em>No</em>,” Felix said, with some annoyance. The fingers curled around Sylvain’s neck slid threateningly into his hair again.</p><p>Sylvain ran his hands over Felix’s flank, down and up again, trying to make that muscle memory too. “Then what else?” At Felix’s glare, Sylvain kissed him once, chastely and smiled. “I’m not teasing. I want to know.”</p><p>Felix’s face was flushed already, but the pink started to turn red and creep from the bridge of his nose to the tips of his ears. It was a fucking masterpiece of a face when he did that. Sylvain couldn’t believe he was seeing it—was the <em>cause</em> of it—again.</p><p>Felix’s hair was a little longer. The ends were starting to even out as it spilled over the sides of the bedspread, surrounding him in a pool of ink. His eyes closed, giving Sylvain unmitigated access to trace the curves of his cheekbones with his own eyes.</p><p>Felix let out a soft breath and the fingers in Sylvain’s hair tightened, but didn’t tug. “I want to feel you.”</p><p>“Okay,” Sylvain breathed against Felix’s neck, unable to keep from dropping his head at that. “Okay.”</p><p>The surge of want was taking over his system and battling with the part of his brain that still couldn’t fully process this was happening at all. Sylvain’s attempts at reaching for the side table were unsuccessful as Felix refused to drop his hands and continued his very determined goal of alleviating Sylvain of any ability to breathe.</p><p>“Little hard to accomplish this if you don’t let go, Fe,” Sylvain managed, mostly coherently considering it was smashed between the feel of Felix’s lips.</p><p>That only made Felix wrap his arms tighter around Sylvain’s shoulders. “Didn’t take you for a quitter,” Felix said. The phrase was biting and clearly meant to bait, but between his grip on Sylvain, the way he’d looked aside, and the softness underneath the clipped tone, it was clear he just didn’t want to let go.</p><p>Sylvain felt himself melt beneath the weight of it—he’d never really thought that it was possible for Felix to miss him this much. The feeling of being wanted like this and not just for sex made it pretty clear that Sylvain didn’t want to let go of Felix either. Not ever again.</p><p>He shifted their weight together instead, bringing them both up to sitting and letting Felix straddle his waist. Sylvain used one hand to draw him closer and the other reached behind him, aimlessly digging in the direction of the end table.</p><p>It took longer than he would have preferred, but it also meant that it was more time for Felix to catch his teeth on his lip and to kiss him like he’d thought about kissing him every single day since he’d left.</p><p>Sylvain took his time. Not because he was aiming for the frustrated, impatient little whines Felix made as he clenched down and writhed on Sylvain’s fingers, but because he really didn’t want the moment to end.</p><p>It only took one, “Sylvain, <em>please</em>” for Sylvain’s willpower to crumble and he did what he planned on doing for as long as Felix would let him—gave him what he wanted.</p><p>Being deep inside Felix felt like coming home. Their foreheads touched. Beyond the strangled pressure of how <em>fucking tight</em> Felix was—was the way his eyelashes fell on his cheeks as he looked down at Sylvain, the desperate needy little gasps each time he bottomed out on Sylvain, the overstimulated wetness gathering at the corners of his eyes. It was all Felix and it was all perfect.</p><p>Sylvain wasn’t sure who came first. It was difficult to be aware of anything grounded and real when the floating sensation of being so close to Felix’s panting breaths and stretched out moans was overwhelming him.All Sylvain knew was Felix and that he loved him and that he couldn’t fuck this up again.</p><p>“I love you,” Felix spoke first, clinging to Sylvain’s shoulders with his head buried in Sylvain’s neck.</p><p>Sylvain took a steadying breath of air. His lips felt like they were going to fall off at this point and all the energy had been wrung from his body to the point where he was surprised he was upright. Even so, Sylvain gently cupped Felix’s face, brought it away from his neck and towards his lips to kiss him again.</p>
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